Difference/s between hetero and homo Doms?

Difference/s between hetero and homo Doms?

tallslenderguy​(other male) • May 25, 2020

i wrote a long 'message' here, then deleted it (i'm learning lol). Suffice it to say, i have not encountered many gay Dom's on this site, either back stage or in the forums.

i like this community. As far as BDSM communities go, i'd say it has some of the more serious and thoughtful people i've encountered in my BDSM travels. So, before i start getting long winded again, i'd like to know what others think, are their fundamental differences between the gay D/s dynamic and the straight D/s dynamic (besides the obvious gender difference)? And more specifically, are there fundamental differences between gay and straight Doms, and i guess i should include differences between gay and straight subs?

dollMaker​(dom male) • May 25, 2020

Its not as clear cut as that, you have left out Bi, Pansexual and Queer dominants. I identify as Pansexual, but with preferences for feminine energy, regardless of the genitals of the sub.

Having played with both CIS women, and those with male genitals, but not identifying as male as such, I can say, for me, that there are not that many differences in submission in my experience. There are some differences in play techniques, intensity and the bits involved in the more sexual elements maybe different, but pleasure giving and receiving is similar and a mouth is a mouth.

I won’t rule out playing with males identifying as male only in the future, once upon a time I did not see me doing what I do now, but for now I am not interested in males.

I will say that regarding approaches, having conversations and nice energy exchange, those with female genitals, over male by far have less wanabe, fantasist, time wasters, and horny idiots among them. There have been times I have despaired at the crazy nonsense arriving in my inbox and bond from subs with male genitals. I am not saying that there has not been some of that from CIS women, but much less, so much so I have considered shutting the door to any sub with a whiff of male about them, but I live in hope of maybe someday finding someone genuine, and not a horny idiot. I know that will annoy some, but its been a consistent factor in my time here.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • May 25, 2020

Thank You for Your thoughtful reply dollMaker,

And yeah, my bad for lack of clarity and inclusion. When i first divorced, i dated a lesbian professor of women's studies who suddenly found she more intimate relationship with men. i've also dated a FtM trans person, one of the best and most enlightening relationships i have experienced, but i didn't end up sexually involved with either (because it didn't fit for me), and that's an important part of an intimate relationship for me, i'm not asexual. i honestly do not rule any out, but discovered in those two relationships that i seem pretty wired towards guys sexually.

i maybe should have written differences between male for male and male for female? but that unintentionally leaves people out too...

i too seem to have better conversation and energy exchange with CIS women, which can be sort of bitter sweet for a gay guy lol. And, what prompted my starting this thread is some of the great (but straight?) Dom's i have met and posts i have read and wondering where are the gay ones or why i don't see them... maybe haven't been here long enough, but i have read all the ads and profiles of those identifying as gay Dom, with the understanding that there a probably many who are potential relationship who do not identify that way.

If readers want to get a feel for where i am coming from, try reading the personal ads for a gay Dom looking for a sub (and honestly, those ads don't strike me as too different from the gay sub looking for a Dom).