Is there a way to avoid desperate noobs?

Is there a way to avoid desperate noobs?

event horizon{NotLooking} • Dec 22, 2017

I'm sure every Dominant deals with this at some degree or another, and it's really starting to bug me.

Every single day I fend off at LEAST a few subs (or wannabes) who message me either through bond or inbox, without reading or comprehending a single thing in my profile, just to tell me what they want from me and/or throw themselves at me via the same copied/pasted message I'm sure they've sent to a million other Dommes. This even happened tonight after I told someone that because he is in another country, literally nothing past basic conversation was going to happen (as per what's in my profile). Asked if he understood that, he said yes.. then proceeded to tell me he was ready to be dominated.

I'm over it. I'm done. I may very well castrate the next one with a dull butter knife.

It's probably impossible to avoid this altogether, but if anyone has any suggestions on ways to at least put a dent in it, I'd really, REALLY appreciate it. I don't want to spend the majority of my time here being annoyed. So if there's something I can add/word differently in my profile, or some other method of discouraging these bags o' douche, I'm all ears.

Thanks.

evergrey​(sub female){Ashigeru} • Dec 22, 2017

Doesn't really seem to be a way to. I get spammed as a sub female, too. Sometimes the messages are really disturbing. Usually they are just clueless or desperate. Really disturbing ones get reported. The rest, I either ignore or say no to. Eventually the number of noobs bothering us will run out, right?

K y i v • Dec 22, 2017

Block, ignore and delete. fastest way. I wish there was a one button block on this site but you must both block AND ignore..
15 seconds and they are gone

Cinder​(switch female) • Dec 22, 2017

Someone once suggested you hide a word or phrase in your profile and if they don't use it you know they haven't read your profile. It doesn't stop people from messaging you, and even if they use the phrase you can't guarantee sincerity. However, it will make it at least a little easier to weed through the messages.

Bellona​(dom female) • Dec 22, 2017

I share your experience and frustration. I too am messaged often, sometimes several times a day. Most messages are vulgar, despirate, and self centered in theme. I used to try to explain and mentor them in a better approach, but I grew frustrated and depressed with how rarely my time, energy and effort actually resulted in change.

I have come to the conclusion that people that will send messages like that, don't read a profile because they don't care. They just want a Domme that will have them. I have learned that I can't make someone care about something regardless of how important it is to me. I have also learned that genuine submissive types will usually message with an altogether different tone and you will be able to tell the difference.

For me, messages that don't have the appropriate level of respect go unanswered. Repeat attempts to contact me get blocked. Then I can commit my time and energy to people that have a greater potential of turning into quality relationships.

Hawkeye • Dec 22, 2017

Some sites provide the option to make your profile available to friends only and also you can limit messaging to friends only. It does make it bit harder to meet new people but if someone is truly interested they usually find a way, such as through chat or forums.

@Bellona
You mentioned tone in your post. I’ve been called out on this many times and would like to know how tone is established in messaging?
Thanks

event horizon{NotLooking} • Dec 22, 2017

Thanks to all who responded. I had a feeling there wasn't much I could do about it that I haven't already done, but that super sucks lol. I am by no means blaming thecage, they certainly can't determine who signs up. Shame there isn't some sort of noob-o-meter/douche-o-meter to determine such things though. Maybe have people do a little quiz before they're allowed to join, heh.

Question 1: Are you only here to ask/demand strangers to dominate/submit to you?
Question 2: Have you ever sent photos of your genitals without being asked to?
Question 3: On a scale of 1 - 10, how would you rate your social skills?

Etc.

Also, I'm with you, Belladona. I do try to educate some of these people in response, but gah. There's just so many that after a while, all I can manage is "FUCKING LEARN TO READ PROFILES AND LEAVE US THE FUCK ALONE!" which is maaaaybe not so helpful.

Bellona​(dom female) • Dec 22, 2017

@Likethewaves - I actually did a post in my blog on this topic a few months ago called "The Don'ts of messaging a Domme - or an woman for that matter". Not only do these people not read profiles but they also aparently don't read blogs...or forum posts, lol...And they wonder why there are so few women in the community open about being Domme.

It is a frustration, and the curse of being Domme, but the few gems you find in the form of quality relationships will make it worth it. Hang in there.

Bellona​(dom female) • Dec 22, 2017

@Hawkeye - Tone is harder to define and more something you perceive and thus somewhat subjective. It is hard to convey on a digital platform as intent can be misunderstood. The best way I can explain it is the difference you notice when you receive spam email as opposed one written by a real person. It's has a different feel, and one is worth my time the other is not. A big red flag for me is what is in the subject line. It often says "slave", "slut", "I beg you" or something similar and is a warning that the following message will be equally mindless.

If you feel that you are frequently being misunderstood you may be falling victim to women that are far too used to the above mentioned issue. My advice would be to be aware that this happens often and make your messages personal and respectful. It never hurts to mention something from her profile to give you something to talk about as well as prove you cared enough to read it and cared to comment on the content.

Hawkeye • Dec 22, 2017

@bellona
I probably wasn’t clear before, I’m often told that I have a certain tone in my correspondence. It’s one that I’m often not aware of. I know that I do this in person but don’t really understand how “a tone” is conveyed in writing. Particularly when it is not intentional. Isn’t it possible that the person reading the message is the one that inflicts the tone?