Princesses

Princesses

Jolene​(sub female){PapaBear} • Jun 17, 2020

Someone please help me. I recently joined tiktok and apparently there's a new type of submissive called a princess and the idea is that a princess submissive only gives up her submission on the grounds that she's pampered and worshipped. However, if she's not, she can revoke her submission and leave the dynamic. Is this not holding power on a power exchange? What's been explained to me is that during negotiations, the submissive makes this demand known, and the Dom either agrees or doesn't, but isn't that inherently a dominating role? It was my understanding that Dom's make demands and the sub either agrees or doesn't. Not that they're both making demands. Doesn't that just negate the whole power exchange dynamic? Please help me as I'm genuinely confused.

-Jo

Lexxa​(sub female) • Jun 17, 2020

Princess is not a new title as far as I know. It's common amongst age players & those in Caregiver/receiver dynamics but pops up in other dynamics too. In many cases it does involve the submissive being pampered and well, treated like a Princess haha!

Every dynamic, regardless of title, begins with negotiation and agreements. A submissive with needs/wants to be pampered is no different than a submissive with needs/wants to be degraded. At the end of the day they are both needs/wants within their respective relationships. If a submissive needed/wanted to be degraded and the Dominant had agreed to do so but isn't following through with that agreement then the submissive would have grounds to revoke their submission. Reality speaking, a submissive can revoke their submission at any time in any type of dynamic. Thus the same applies here as well.

Power exchange dynamics vary in complexity from dynamic to dynamic. Each individual dynamic will agree to the level of power they wish to exchange between the involved parties and what that power exchange looks like. The common denominator though is that the agreement comes BEFORE the dynamic begins. A submissive making demands prior to a dynamic starting is not at all defying their Dominant. Both parties should be making their wants/needs known during negotiation. That's the whole point of the negotiation! The relationship shouldn't be one-sided, it takes two to tango.

I'll use myself as an example here since my dynamic falls under this umbrella. I'm a Little and my Daddy and I have a dynamic built on a foundation of support and service to each other. He refers to me as his precious Princess and he treats me like one too. He pampers me fiercely and it fits our dynamic well. This however doesn't change the fact that I serve him and his needs at all times too. I kneel for him and him only. I follow his rules and I accept my punishments when I break them. When Daddy wants to use his little Princess, I'm there to serve him. We both get a lot of satisfaction from fulfilling each other's needs. Sometimes that looks like me bent over, pinned down and Daddy having his way with me. Sometimes it looks like Daddy serving me a homemade breakfast in bed with unicorn shaped scrambled eggs haha (it was super yummy!!). No one is "demanding" anything at this point, we've already made our individual wants and needs known beforehand and have agreed to the current dynamic we engage in. We adjust where needed as we both grow, learn and experience things together. Hopefully this has helped!

Jolene​(sub female){PapaBear} • Jun 17, 2020

Here's is where my confusion lies.

If two people are making demands for a certain kind of treatment, aren't they both holding power in the dynamic?

I understand titles and preferences. Little, Rope Bunny, Masochist, ect... Those help us to meet dominant's with similar interests. What I don't agree agree with is the negotiation process.

In my life and from what I've researched, the Dom comes to the table with his expectations, rules, and desires, and the sub sets their limits and explains their boundaries. It's not the sub also giving a list of expectations and desires they demands be met in order to achieve compliance. And yes, while they can make their preferences known, that's not the same as making a demands and having an expectation of follow through.

That is an equal exchange of power. Two parties submitting to the demands of each other. Just because one is done with a "stronger" or "protective" or "dominating" presence, while the other is inherently "obedient," doesn't make it a power exchange. The power exchange happens during the negotiations, not after. It happens when a party agrees to follow the rules of the other. If they both have rules that they're both following for each other, that's not a power exchange, that's equality.

Bunnie • Jun 17, 2020

I don’t know anything too in-depth about the Princess dynamic, however, I’m wondering if there’s a possibility that it’s a new branch off from the SugarDaddy/Sugarbaby dynamic. It kind of sounds like it’s an attempt at bridging it into a bdsm aspect. This is just a wild guess based on what you’ve mentioned.

Whilst I absolutely agree with @ Lexxa and believe her explanation is awesome and much along the lines of “princess” as I know it... what you describe sounds different... and new. I’m wondering if perhaps it’s popularity lays mostly with a younger demographic.

sheldonbunny​(other female) • Jun 17, 2020

Who says that every D/s has to involve a full power exchange, or that the Dom doesn't in turn have guidelines to follow? No two dynamics/relationships are quite the same. It's what fits the people involved. One can be dominant or submissive without needing to control or be controlled 24/7.

TheChimera​(sub female) • Jun 17, 2020

Just as a general heads up. Tik Tok has a tendency to botch a LOT of things, since so many people make videos of their own and have very little to absolutely 0 research; so be careful what you find on Tik Tok. I'm really glad to see you're asking questions~

I've seen some stuff relating to BDSM on there that just made me raise a brow.

Lexxa​(sub female) • Jun 17, 2020

Yes! And that’s perfectly ok if that is what both parties have agreed upon. Not every dynamic involves power exchange and those that do can range from very little power exchange to total power exchange.




I think a lot of the confusion may be stemming from this. What you’re saying isn’t incorrect, it’s an example of one type of power exchange dynamic. The beautiful thing about BDSM though is that there are endless possibilities when it comes to BDSM dynamics. Not every dynamic fits into this mould. I just recently took a wonderful class that delved into this topic, it was incredibly insightful and really fun to hear from others about their unique dynamics and experiences.

Here’s a snippet that I stumbled on years ago that talks about power exchange. The words resonated with me then so I’ve held onto it and maybe it’ll help a little:

“I’m not sure I really understand this “unbalanced power” view of power exchange. Like alternating electrical current it flows back and forth. The submissive has power of consent, the Dominant has power of consent. The submissive can end a scene or walk away, the Dominant can end a scene or walk away. BDSM is a game of equals played out in a theatre of inequality. No one holds “the most fundamental power”.”

The way I interpreted this when I stumbled on it is that the “actors” both get to decide how much inequality they want to perform and how they wish to perform it. There could be significant noticeable inequality between them or there could be hardly any at all. That is ultimately up to them to decide though.

Hopefully this helped better pinpoint the confusion? 😅

House Talion​(dom male) • Jun 17, 2020

In turn, I'd agree that the Princess is a dominant role based on its describtion

slave Sakura​(switch female){Owned} • Jun 17, 2020

Yes House Talion, according to the standard BDSM definition, Princess is a dominant role. The Princess is worshipped and adored by her submissive just as medieval royalty.

Noodz​(sub female) • Jun 17, 2020

in my experience, while the role of the Princess is to be pampered it is usually countered by a deeper level of degradation/humiliation