Avoiding pitfalls

Redamancy • Jun 21, 2020

I think it all comes down to the individual person. Some people are just naturally more needy than others and thats okay. For me personally, when i choose someone, i choose them. I am independent in my professional life, but i need to know that they will be there when i get home to catch me. I also like knowing that they need me as much as i need them. I come to them in submission, they come to me in their dominance, each different but needed equally. Since i am looking for a Dom as a lifetime commitment not just sexually, I need to know that they need me as much i need them. If they dont, then i wouldnt want that relationship. Eventually you will find your person who perfectly balances you, it just take time. It sucks but know it will all be worth it in the end.

sheldonbunny​(other female) • Jun 21, 2020

It depends on your definition of intimacy. If you mean purely physical acts, then i'll agree. But intimacy as in a growing bond between two people mentally and emotionally is completely possible from a distance. A long distance relationship of any kind (including dynamics) takes daily effort from both parties to maintain. Personally I think more effort than one face to face.

LongerJohnny​(dom male) • Jun 24, 2020

As was previously mentioned, 'insta-doms' (or 'wanna-doms' as I call them. In either case they give the rest of us a bad name) are to be avoided, and fortunately they are pretty simple to identify. Anyone who contacts you and immediately launches into cliche dom-speak is full of shit. You will learn to recognize them and the Block button is your friend. You may be interested to know that, though less common, there are subs who take a similar approach. I have been initially contacted with messages like "hello Sir, how may i serve You?" or words to that effect.
As was also mentioned it is in your interests to work on your profile, but remember that profiles aren't people, yours or anyone else's. They are good for getting our attention, perhaps pointing us in exciting directions, but ultimately it comes down to two things:
Communication and Compatibility.
Take the time to get to know each other. Talk. Ask questions. Have conversations that include things like 'What kind of experiences do you have? Tell me about them. These are some of my hobbies. What do you like do in your spare time? This is what I'm looking for, what about you? I'm curious about this or that, what are your interests?' Whatever either of you wants to talk about while you learn about and become familiar with each other.
Things may change when you find yourself in a relationship that works for all involved parties but until then being a sub is a personal identity, not a job description. It doesn't mean that you must do anything that you don't want to. The same is true about Doms. Our identities do not afford us the right or authority to make demands on you.
Perhaps most important - no matter who messages you, or who you chat with, or who you begin to like, never submit to any Dom until you are ready to (unless that is your kink.) Always stand up for yourself until you are satisfied that you are satisfied. Only then should you commit to anything more than that.
And then is where you will find your Intimacy, your Respect, your Balance, your Closeness, your Relationship, your Submission.

HawkofOregon • Jul 24, 2020

Interesting forum. Being an on-line Dom, I've mentored a few subbies to mutual satisfaction. The key is negotiation. Each party has expectations, and a good negotiation can result in a fulfilling on-line relationship.