Dynamic issues D/s for committed couples who are monogamous

Dynamic issues D/s for committed couples who are monogamous

lil'slut​(sub male){Collared} • Jun 20, 2020

Just kind of a brief question. For committed monogamous couples in a D/s perhaps a M/s any power dynamic really. So PrincessDomme and I are in a committed FLR relationship. That really never changes and we are both fine with that and could live out our lives that way. However, we also get into Femdom. We've done "Rules" we even instituted a app called our home with points for good behavior and tasks completed, demerits for bad behavior and rewards with enough points. I like to dabble into sissy she's not super into it. I think it took her a while to admit that to herself and me. Now the talk is should we dial it down, she feels worn out and has worked hard to Domme, and wants vanilla sex from time to time. Its sounds like we are moving to more of a bedroom only sometimes deal, which honestly I love vanilla sex from time to time as well, im not sure this I'd going to be enough for us to maintain our status quo, and I think in time she will feel the same even though she says she wants it now. We both are very unsure what lies ahead. Any thoughts? Neither of us want to stop completely. We both agree on that. I think she wants less cause I've drained her, and I feel very bad about it. I also know when we do it.... she will tire of it as well.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Jun 21, 2020

Not accusing you of anything. Just playing devils advocate and giving you food for thought. I'm trying to help you, help yourself!

As a woman: It can be hard to remain in Femdom mode if you're feeling stressed. ...or if you also fell hounded y ou tend to to "play for peace" within the relationship, it can tire you out. It can also end a womans desire to continue as a new Domme.
Reading what you wrote, your wife/Domme has asked for some time to recharge. Recharge isn't stop. it just simply means stop for now and recharge. Make sure your not reacting and seeing her words as STOP. Stop isn't forever. Pushing the fact may make it so! Trust me, Dommes are not easy to find. you have a loving partner that wants to do this,m she hasn't said "NO" ...just aasked for a recharge!

Maybe look at yourself and see what you do to help her recharge and yet still keep yourself in a submissive mind set. What acts of actual service (non pleasure/sex based motivators) will take pressure of her?Make her life easier? Have you some how stopped doing "normal" husband things believing she will "order" you to do so?

also look at subfrenzy. Are you in a frenzied state that is TFTB and driving your actions to be more self serving rather than being of service?

Again not accusing you...just throwing out ideas...

You might want to look at if she is an introduced partner and not tackling Femdom under her own steam, she will be burnt out if the intentions aren't driven by her own needs but rather are based in servicing your needs. Think of Femdom like bank account unless you are BOTH making deposits and withdrawals of the same amount, the Femdom bank account will suffer. When this happens it can lead to bankruptcy.

If she isnt acting on her interests maybe re negotiate play and start right from the beginning (once she recharges). what rocks her world? How do fit in that world? what rocks your world? how does she fit into that? where do your TWO worlds collide? where they intertwine is where you need to play...it is the best place to play to find what suits BOTH your needs.

Give her time. Dont hound her. Don't burn her out further. Let her recharge. Then look at why she feels burnt out. Burn out ALWAYS has a cause.

lil'slut​(sub male){Collared} • Jun 21, 2020

MissBonnie,

Thank you for your timely and well thought out reply. I appreciate devils advocate very much so. So I feel like the one aspect of our relationship is and always has been that it is female led. I am aware of what sub frenzy it's not that. No matter what we do I am the home maker and we have kids so I always do wash, dishes, yard, dogs, kids, anything home related and can't really slack on that. No matter what she still has final say.

However you are right, we both are under massive amounts of stress right now. I think the big difference is I run towards BDSM when stressed and she needs time away. I had her read your text, I've offered her a full break many times or rather, asked her. She is scared a full break may ruin our dynamic. That being said she still decided this morning to "chill". So that is what I will do.

Again, thank you for your response.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Jun 22, 2020

You are most welcome for the reply.
I do hope your wife Domme gets the time she needs. Some times you just need to put the breaks on so you have the energy for more. Both of you take care of eachother.