2 weeks ago • 06/28/2020 3:53 pm
tallslenderguy(sub male) • 06/28/2020 3:53 pm
Some wonderfully thoughtful responses, i particularly appreciated:
@LaVieEnRose "sometimes just liking the profile of someone who likes yours is enough of an opening for a conversation to start or even just finding something in their profile that catches your eye is enough to send a message and say hi I came across your profile and found xyz interesting. "
i think this is an important observation. It can be easy in a world with predators, or even just generally inconsiderate people, to fall into defense mode (or even offense mode). Relationship is risky. Connecting to another person requires vulnerability, openness. i believe the more open we are, the greater the potential for connection.
i think it's also easy to forget that the person making the initial contact has to wrestle with the challenge of vulnerability too. i don't advocate wearing ones heart on the proverbial sleeve, but even measured vulnerability has risk. The initiator can also be the first to take that risk (of rejection), so their defenses may be up too. It sometimes feels like the schoolyard crush where the kid with the crush walks up and hits the one they like because they don't know how to tell them, or are afraid to tell them, their feelings.
i sometimes wonder if some of those who make an awkward approach are not just afraid or maybe don't know how (or both)? i recently found a note in my mailbox at work from a person i don't really know, but who has apparently has seen me, stating: "if you'd like to get a cup of coffee or go on a hike sometime here's my number xxx-xxxxx." It struck me how carefully it was worded, putting the onus on me. This person didn't ask me out, they essentially asked me to ask them out lol (which i thought was pretty clever on their part).
my point is, our fear and self protection is not just one sided, chances are the other person feels it too. To me it usually comes down to a question of who is bravest and willing to go first (i.e., open up), and it's not always the initiator. The person who 'likes' a profile as a means to try to get attention has really not taken any risk.