The Approach - able Question

The Approach - able Question

FeistyMinx​(sub female){HAPPYL❤VE} • Jul 4, 2020

I know it's not the stone age, well for vanilla's it isn't, because today women are allowed to ask men out. Is it necessarily the Dom's or Domme's job to ask out the submissive given the roles of BDSM?

Perhaps it should be thought of more like a five minute dating night. The approach is always the beginning so in the first 5 minutes will it be taken up by just staring into each other's eyes or since we're online, sitting there sending each other memes characters staring into each other's eyes? Should it be more like a common question that is your main go to for everyone, such as what do you do for a living? Or would the approach be more of an intimate question that would lead to the possibility of having a future relationship with your 5-minute date?

If the submissive is the one asking the approach question, what would the dominant like to hear? Would you like to hear something from the submissive that he/she is comfortable with asking or would you like to hear a question with a little more spark?

Comfortable questions from a submissive can almost be anything:

1. What's your favorite color? The reason that this is a comfortable question: If you have a next date more than likely the submissive will be wearing that color.
2. Do you have any pets?
3. What kind of music do you like?
4. What's your favorite food?

A more intimate question from a submissive could possibly be:

1. What or where is your favorite place to be intimate?
2. Have you read anything erotic lately?
3. Would you ever consider dancing with me? The reason for this question being intimate is because some dancing is like having sex, moving close to each other to the point you can feel each others crotch or heartbeat, depending on the beat/ rhythm and if it includes dipping, spinning or twirling and bringing your submissive in really close with a quickness the submissive's heart rate is going to shoot up a little causing a bit of an adrenaline rush and it's going to feel like make out time!
4. What's your favorite bedroom tool?

A more "fuck me now" approach questions could be like:

1. What was the last porn you saw?
2. Have you ever heard Beyonce's Naughty ?
3. Are you more Fifty Shades, The Secretary or Belle De Jour?
4. When's the last time you fucked in your vehicle?

These are questions submissives are always thinking about because what if he/she is the right Dominant?
What approach question the should the submissive use or what's the first question you would like to hear from a sub? BECAUSE it would be the first thing your telling about yourself.

NicoleR.

Cello Master​(dom male) • Jul 4, 2020

When I message a submissive female that interests me I try to keep it very very simple..I just tell them a little bit about myself and ask them to look at my profile page and/or blogs. I’ve heard of too many stories of submissive women that just get almost attacked by Neanderthal aggressive male Doms

The most successful way for me when women have approached me is just messaging me saying that they read my profile and were very interested. It’s usually that simple

I find that the attraction, at least for me, has to be a deep spiritual connection. To me that’s way more important than the physical.. I find if somebody is attracted to me they are almost drawn , like the moon and the tides.

FeistyMinx​(sub female){HAPPYL❤VE} • Jul 4, 2020

I love that, drawn to you like the moon and the tides.
I'll normally say, I read the profile... and if there's anything specific in it about what they like... then I'll ask about that. I think I scare off the Neanderthals😆

Cello Master​(dom male) • Jul 4, 2020

Good... You definitely want to do that

wildGurl​(sub female) • Jul 5, 2020

I agree, I don't think the approach needs overthinking. I know subs who would never approach first, only love a profile, to each their own. I think reading the profile before reaching out should be mandatory, keep it simple from there and try not to label things. Asking someone if they fucked in their vehicle doesn't have to be a "fuck me now" approach. Sex can be openly discussed without any specific intention behind it.

rottenbrat​(sub female){Skyrich} • Jul 5, 2020

The first few contacts I had with Rich weren't questions about him personally, and one wasn't even a question at all. I asked him for some definitions for acronyms that he made reference to in his forum posts on Responsibility, Committment, and The Journey. We talked about everything from theology to personal background, to what we like to cook in the kitchen. One of the first few things I ever said to him was that I loved how he was quoting the Bible to explain to someone why being devided between two masters is generally a bad idea.
Whatever or whoever starts the ball rolling, just keep it going. That's the important piece. Don't stop making an effort after the first or the twentieth private message and don't let it drop to one word responses.

FeistyMinx​(sub female){HAPPYL❤VE} • Jul 5, 2020

Thanks RB. The "non-one word responses" is extremely helpful for me. Sometimes I'll get busy doing stuff and just respond yes, no or ok without really slowing and taking the time to respond with a more definitive answer since that person took the time to ask.

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • Jul 5, 2020

@rottenbrat: "Don't stop making an effort after the first or the twentieth private message and don't let it drop to one word responses. "

OK.

(Sorry... couldn't resist!)

Seriously, one word responses, and responses that are just memes can dull the communication channel. Having said that, I will, throughout the day send a short "I love you" or a :heart: or emoji or gif to RB while I'm busy with work, just to keep a "heartbeat" going. This way, she knows that I'm too busy for a lengthy convo, but I'm still thinking of her. She respects this by sending me an emoji or gif in return, rather than starting in on a lengthy conversation.

The point is we keep conversing, we keep the channels open as it were.

Now, as to the initial approach... Reading the persons profile is mandatory. When a girl approaches me with "wanna fuck?" I'm very offended. That's NOT a first question for me, and that should be obvious after reading my profile.

I have to agree with CelloMaster. Keep it simple. Don't overthink.

MasterTrainerT • Jul 7, 2020

I usually find subs online or through referrals(I train typically) and the questions sometimes feel scripted as do answers. I longed for a chance encouunter with a sub just a random connection......So my current sub was an organic match. She Is in her early 30s and im over 50. She is employed by one of my suppliers. We exchanged some flirty banter but nothing inappropriate for a workplace. I didnt see her for 6 weeks then she was back. I told her i was worried about her glad to see she was ok. I did my business. When i got to the office and opened the file i found she had left her number with a note that read"so you don't worry" that subtle submissive line went over my head probably cause I wasnt looking. I was taking a break to reenergize. I texted her and said if she didnt find it creepy for a guy my age to ask her to dinner. I had no thoughts other than to not let her feel rejected if she wanted me to ask. She was hoping i would. I seriously had no clue she was a sub. I figured wed go out have a nice time and I would make an exuse as to why i wasnt in relationship mode.

ME "Where would you like to go?"

HER"I usually let the man decide"


ME hmmm "what do you like to eat?"

HER " what ever he orders for me"

ME bells ringing in my head"are you a sub?"

HER "YES but didnt was to throw that out there and scare you off"

It is an incredible adventure building this organic relationship.

House Talion​(dom male) • Jul 7, 2020

I'd want to be asked "What do you enjoy most outside of the fetish community?"