Self Reflection

Self Reflection

Cinn • Jul 8, 2020

Hello all,
I have been interested in this lifestyle for some time now. I am currently reflecting on the things I may be doing wrong. I have had two failed attempts of training/mentoring. These have taken place via email, phone calls, and messaging. Not the most ideal setting of course. I feel as if I know what I am doing wrong. I am getting caught up in the excitement and newness of all of this. So much so that I am losing sight of what I truly desire. I am not allowing a foundation to even be formed before exploring things sexually. I am not speaking of simple conversations in regard to likes, dislikes, limits, etc. I am speaking of things on a more intimate level. I am allowing myself to become entirely too vulnerable way too fast, maybe even too trusting. I sincerely want to learn and yet I keep hitting roadblocks. Things will typically start off great and then slowly diminish. Consistency is important to me as well as communication. I do not expect someone to spend their entire day talking to me, I know we have lives to live. But I also feel you make time for what you want. If anyone has some advice for a woman that desires to be submissive, please share it with me. I am beginning to feel a little defeated.

Cinn

Bishop​(dom male) • Jul 8, 2020

It sounds like a touch of “sub frenzy” with a large helping of insta doms to me. Let me explain...I have a huge problem with Doms being mentors and trainers for submissives who are not in relationships. If I am a “trainer,” who am I training you for? I’m telling you what I like, how I like it, and what a submissive is for me. Why would I do that if you are not going to be or are not my submissive? It seems like being a “trainer” or “mentor” gives the Dom all the candy without having to mind the store. Now, mind you, some mentors will maintain healthy boundaries and not cross them. But why take the chance, we are human after all and we struggle with the emotional connection these relationships bring.
I personally believe a “real” Dom, someone who really cares about this lifestyle, will not rush into things. He will take it slow, build a relationship, earn your trust and respect, let you see his character and really get to know you before proceeding on to the “naughty” parts. He guides and sets the pace of the relationship...he leads.
I would encourage you to read, talk to other submissives, leave the Doms alone, and get to know yourself...deeply and intimately in regards to this lifestyle. Draw boundaries, find submissives you can be accountable to, and just slow down. It will all come in time, as we all do. Just my 2 cents.

LaVieEnRose​(sub female){Kintsugi} • Jul 8, 2020

I think you need to slooooow it down! Do some research, read blogs and forums, etc., talk to other subs. You are a prime candidate for the less than savoury and you’re lucky that the worst you’ve had is just some disappointment.

This is a journey and a lifestyle not a race. I hear a lot of the same things I used to say that looking back was naive and reeked a bit of “sub frenzy” as Bishop mentioned and all that happened was that I kept getting disappointed and I just couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong. It required A LOT of self reflection to realise it but best thing I ever did.

There is nothing wrong with having a mentor HOWEVER, I think you need to be more wary. I know it’s easy to get caught up in the fun but you HAVE to get to know the person on the other side cause otherwise how can you trust them to mentor you if you don’t even know them. But also these things fizzle sometimes, unless you’re amazingly lucky and find your one ASAP you’re going to churn through and it is frustrating but you have to take precautions to protect yourself.

sir james ladies​(sub female){oh yes ple} • Jul 8, 2020

first let me say you need to talk to your husband first or you are opening yourself to much unneeded pain. this life is built on ridged honesty first and foremost so the place for you to start is with your primary relationship. if he finds this going against his grain then look elsewhere for satisfaction. Your index shows that you are a rope bunny so ask your man to tie and blindfold some night he will probable do it if you find you like it open a dialog with him and see where this Leeds you.

Cinn • Jul 8, 2020

Good morning all,

Bishop, thank you for your feedback. I think you are absolutely correct. I will reach out to some submissives that have experience and knowledge. I also looked up the term "sub frenzy" and goodness, thank you! I definitely fell into that category. I plan to take a step back and really slow things down.

LaVieEnRose, thank you as well. I plan to slow down!! I have too. I have been actively reading blogs, forums, and books for some time now. The one thing I haven't done is talk to other subs. I plan to do so. I'm just grateful that things fizzled out long before emotions were evolved. I'm learning and I see the mistakes I have been making, thankfully.

sir james lady, I thank you for your feedback. My marriage is a complicated one. I won't get into details here but it just isn't possible.

I appreciate you three for taking time out to read and reply. Have a wonderful day!!