finding a slave

finding a slave

subwifemom • Jul 25, 2020

Hi some of you may remember me from when I was asking about how to be a slave to my husband even through, he would not know at first. (update on that later)
I am wanting to add a little more to this .
I want to (with husbands’ permission, I think he will) Get a female slave for me that would be willing to on occasion come and play with us. This would be a strictly physical relationship. With that said I have a few concerns and Questions.
1. Is this fair to the slave
2. How do you find this person?
3. She must only be my slave and can only contact me and only do what I say not my husband. (This is for me and my peace of mind)
4. I would prefer her to be sterile but am willing to play with that a little
5. She must be willing to have a STD test. I would not be asking her to only be with us so she would be free to have a life and other partners outside our arrangement.
6. I would require absolute trust and that she would not tell anyone of our arrangement.

Any advice or other things I should think about would be great. I think I would like to add this to our aspect of things I love being submissive to my husband and this will not take away from that. It is just another aspect of things.

subwifemom • Jul 25, 2020

Also I have already looked at the Classifides on here and there is nothing in my area only one female for online relationship

Bunnie • Jul 25, 2020

“3. She must only be my slave and can only contact me and only do what I say not my husband. (This is for me and my peace of mind)”

This one here stood out to me a little. Is jealousy the reason behind this rule?
If so, perhaps it’s something that would be worth addressing before someone else is brought into the picture.

subwifemom • Jul 25, 2020

Bunnie I do not feel like it is jealousy. I have mental health issues one of witch is anxity. I put that in there as to in the future aleminate any question in my mind. right now it is not jealousy but I also am willing to admit that feelings change and as this is something I say I want now I may not later, or I might Become jealous over time. This was just to take help ease my mind as a what if.

maggiemae​(sub female) • Jul 25, 2020

Talk to your husband
Do not do this if it’s a bandaid on a bigger issue
Make sure you are mentally prepared
Post an ad with your specifications
Do your research
Make damn sure you’re mentally and physically prepared

Also read the book Slavecraft, might give you insight on how to turn your submission into slavery and then you wouldn’t need to introduce a third party.

Taramafor​(sub male) • Jul 25, 2020

Let's start with what anxiety really is. In a word, fear. Potentially uncontrolled if situations aren't handled carefully. Something I have experience with and I know others that can have panic attacks easily. As a result some people (possibly you) can be rather... hesitant to have talks about some topics. Which in turn presents further complications. To be blunt, being close minded only makes things worse. An open mind goes further. Answers may be desired immediately and most times that's fine. But also realise some things need time or others will have their own panic attacks. Mixed message I know. Suffice to say some people get scared/angry easily and need time before getting into the more delicate topics.

As for jealousy, you say you don't FEEL like it's jealousy. But let's examine the situation from a logical stand point. You said "Right now it's not jealousy" but THEN admit you might become jealous over time. This means jealousy is very much a concern. And rightly so. The situation has to be controlled or events will spiral out of control. That does not however mean things will go according to your plans alone.

You're ware of your current "lack" of feelings. But you're also aware of feelings that can happen in the future. My advice is to have a "jealousy talk" and discuss how things can be fair with whoever is introduced. Partly to set your mind at ease (eg: can they be understanding with who you're already with) and also to put their mind at ease, provided you work out something that is indeed fair. Or at least some kind of system where things may be unfair with working up to fair, depending on how things go and what the other persons concerns are (of which is currently unknown and dependent on who you ask). It can get a bit technical depending on the situation. My point is it's easy to fear the worst with this specific topic (for others as much as you) and I consider it wise to view how things can work out beyond how you want them too. How situations can go bad. How they can go good. etc.

Perhaps the most important detail of all is how honest and understanding that other person is. for context think of someone that address your concerns after you've had a panic attack in a quick and timely manner. Which may require a great deal of patient at first on your part. In order to get to the point where concerns are addressed you must first control your own fear/anger. At least enough to have an open ear and "be there" instead of feeling in fear. Considering you have anxiety it's the "fleeing in fear" part I'm focusing on. Can you trust yourself to at least come back to someone in a timely manner after a misunderstanding? Ten? Will you be able to remain calm if each and every time they prove you're fears unfounded? I'm more asking to get you thinking then looking for answers.

You also admit feelings can change. Exposure does this, proof of there being nothing to be afraid of. But it also requires a kind of "pattern" of sorts. Too much time here and too little there will cause jealousy to "rise" for example. But there's other factors at play as well. What it all boils down too though is "time" and "effort". And being around consistently. Having a stable environment where those key things won't be neglected. Three people is perfectly possible. Spread yourself too thin with seven and you're going to burn out. The later doesn't seem to be a concern here though.

My concern is that you say you want a purely physical relationship. In my experience it's rarely that simple. We're all people with concerns and need to do things other then "just fuck". If we're adding in all the elements together, making the time to laugh, play and "shit talk" while doing fun activities, on the surface it can seem overwhelming. It's honestly best not to overthink it. I actually know someone that tried to, for all intensive purposes, "Physically only" me. But there has to be communication, agreements and compromise in all things. Above and beyond all else, understanding each other. YOU need peace of mind but so does everyone else. THEY need peace of mind and even if someone goes in with a physical only mindset there's every possibility concerns could pile up afterwards due to a variety of reasons. Are you prepared for that possibility?

With that said here's is my main concern. That your anxiety might lead to being close minded with certain topics. I've seen it happen with others. This in turn can increase the other persons fear/stress levels. Which in turn further increases yours. So before even touching on the topic of relationships I'm asking you if you've gone "Nope" and "never going to happen" before even hearing what another person has to say. to be perfectly clear I've seen and dealt with people that contradict themselves (in both good and bad ways). I state this because it is very stressful to have someone make a snap judgement before someone is even understood. As someone that always addresses concerns successfully (with 1 on 1 interactions at least) I'm asking if you give people a chance to explain themselves before shutting them down when it comes to delicate topics. And if so do you listen when challenged? Or jump to blocking someone and cutting off communication because you can't handle it?

House Talion​(dom male) • Jul 26, 2020

This is not uncommon. There are a few slaves that would enjoy such circumstances just for the pure pleasure of pleasing others which is inherently a virtue many look for in a slave. Finding said individual is a different problem as theres not many of such in existence as most 'slaves' just want to be taken care of while giving it up. This isnt the only place you can look for such. I'd advise against trying fetlife, but collarspace has certain adequacies and theres a few daying sites like ok cupid that could turn out good results

subwifemom • Jul 27, 2020

With that said here's is my main concern. That your anxiety might lead to being close minded with certain topics. I've seen it happen with others. This in turn can increase the other persons fear/stress levels. Which in turn further increases yours. So before even touching on the topic of relationships I'm asking you if you've gone "Nope" and "never going to happen" before even hearing what another person has to say. to be perfectly clear I've seen and dealt with people that contradict themselves (in both good and bad ways). I state this because it is very stressful to have someone make a snap judgement before someone is even understood. As someone that always addresses concerns successfully (with 1 on 1 interactions at least) I'm asking if you give people a chance to explain themselves before shutting them down when it comes to delicate topics. And if so do you listen when challenged? Or jump to blocking someone and cutting off communication because you can't handle it?



My anixity is not so much in the I jump to conculsions side. I enjpy talking to people and finding out what there point of view is. I am very open about sensitve subjects with everyone but my husband ( long back story). My concern is the anxity of the physical. I do not mind sharing myself or my husband however I come from a brokin family and cheatting husband and there is even now after almost 13 years and 4 kinds the fear that he will cheat or leave me. that is the biggest reson I said my slave and obay only me. I have found that if you dont open the door it is harder to walk through.

With all that being said. This may not be something that I need to purse yet. However I do feel as if I have found a few arries in both myself and my relationship with my spouse that could use some work.

I am thankfull to your words. I try to always acknowldge that life is a ever changing thing and I can only control the right this second in myself only. So I am happy that you have pointed out the possiblity of a conection beyound the physical that may come from this. That is something I need to figure out if I am wanting our willing to even willing to be open to that relationship with all us my husband, other, and myself.

Taramafor​(sub male) • Jul 28, 2020

It's your "fear" of things like cheating I was referring too actually. This comes to the topic of jealousy. You're afraid of a repeat of bad past experiences. You know it's something that can be avoided but at the same time it's like "How"? Could you playing it "too safe" because of that very concern?

In a situation where someone "new" appears (for whatever reason) there's going to be concerns. Not the least of which is "cheating" and the fear of it. Which is likely going to be a concern of theirs because it's one of yours. Here's the irony though. What if it's also their main concern even though they want to be closer? Does that have to be a bad thing?

A situation where "permission is given" appeals to me in some ways. But that could end up putting pressure on you if you don't meet the needs of the other person and they're "not allowed" with others. To this I can only really say it comes down to the choices and agreements that are made together. The first week or two is likely going to be where you struggle the most as things get established (seriously, expect some short term stress at first). Try not to get so focused on physical that you lose sight of the simple things. Laughing, jokes, telling someone to "come here" as you show them something. "Little orders" or corrections go a long way (both none serious and serious). Just how obedient is that other person? Do they stall at all when you want them to do something? Getting back to the subject of "physical", sex can sure as hell be a powerful incentive. There are even ways to get that point across quickly and clearly while having sex as well.

A "See who you please" approach COULD also work, BUT the person involved may run the risk of getting caught up too much with others. Which is dependent on who you ask. Cheating is one thing. Lack of complete self control and not even trying to find a fair balance where you remain involved is another. This boils down mainly to "self control" more then anything. Or the lack of it. Can the person involved stop themselves from following a pattern of everyone else other then you? Some people have that self control (and can ensure things remain fair), others don't. If one person has the ability and the other doesn't then who's judgement is trusted? Some people are wise enough to plan ahead, some aren't.

Personally I know how to present the idea of "fair time and effort". There's "thresholds". You might need to see one person less to see another more, but the scales have to balance out. They'll tilt one way and then the other so it's not exactly 50/50, but as long as you make sure it "tilts back" in a timely manner (each side representing a person) then it should check out. Basically you start with "time" then focus on "activity". It's important to make the time to relax together as well. In the interest of preventing burn out.