I'm lost

I'm lost

reaperx​(sadist male) • Aug 18, 2020

I have reached a brick wall in my life I live in a small town with close minded people with no sense of adventure to try new things BDSM saved me I could never go back to the vanilla way it just dose not do it for me I have packed all the whips cuffs ropes gags and now they sit in the closet collecting dust just as my most the things in my life I'm just on pause trying to figure out what to do meeting people is hard for me I never really fit in it's been hell I guess the true question is single forever or will someone save me as someone did all those years ago when I was introduced to the lifestyle that made me feel like I could be myself and not hide in my shell

subdreamer​(sub female) • Aug 19, 2020

I somewhat feel the same way. I have always had a very difficult time meeting new people and was never very well liked growing up. Most of the people I know are very vanilla and I know only one of them won’t judge me. (I have known her for YEARS and told her I was a submissive....she didn’t care in the least! She knows everyone is different) Being the one left out of almost everything has left me feeling shy, anxious, and extremely nervous/cautious when it comes to meeting people. It’s easy for someone to say “It’ll get better” or “You’ll meet someone,” but for me, the people who do say that haven’t had the “left out” experience I have since they always seem to fit in.....especially in a small town where everyone knows everyone...

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Aug 19, 2020

You sound like your giving up. You only fail when you stop trying!
So you reached a brick wall! So now you figure out how to get around "it" or you stop using it as a excuse to "fail"
I know that sounds harsh and I don't know you but sometimes we (Dominants) need a kick a pants too! I get it, your wanting something you don't have and just venting.
there are many, many different directions you can go when you hit a wall..metaphorically speaking you don't have to tackle it head on. Look at what you want and plan. You got this!

DrWakko • Aug 19, 2020

You are in PA which means you have munches and events close. They might not be in your town. You might have to drive an hour or two but there are events close. Though it depends how hungry you are for it.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Aug 19, 2020

i think to some degree, we're all "lost?" my own take is we don't spend enough time discussing our kinks, which is why we're here. i see our "kinks" as just our personal expressions of needs/wants, and many are here to get those needs/wants met. i think it would help if we took a more practical approach, heck, we are on computers. Why not have an ap feature where we can list all our kinks and the computer would match us with people who have corresponding kinks? i think also we may sometimes want too much, especially right up front? idk, maybe find a few areas where we are compatible and see if we can build on that? Just throwing thoughts on the wall to see if anything sticks. i know it can be hard.

DrWakko • Aug 19, 2020

You are in PA which means you have munches and events close. They might not be in your town. You might have to drive an hour or two but there are events close. Though it depends how hungry you are for it.

niyamaiu​(sub female) • Aug 19, 2020

I found what helped me during those times is attending a munch. I had to travel about an hour but i disnt mind. There was only conversation expected from me and most people were very nice and friendly. After a few of those I started going to some of the same events as some of the people.

Pretty soon, the lost feeling was gone.

LordofPain56 • Aug 19, 2020

Small town? same here. Closed minded people? same here. Try vanilla? No thanks. Toys in a box in the closet? same here. Meeting people in person around here? Not unless I wanted to go to bars and I don't drink, so no thanks. Munches and play parties? Not my style.
Life on pause? HELL NO. I'm retired now, busier and more active physically than during the last 30 years I was working. Keep a positive attitude. Stay busy and do the things you love or take up a hobby that you will enjoy. What about organized volunteering to help others? there must be a dozen different postings in your town calling for volunteers.
I never stood more than 5'-6" tall at my peak height and never weighed more than 103 lbs, but I am all Dom, proud of my accomplishments in life and confident in all that I do (vegetable gardening, woodworking, sheet metal working, welding, auto restoration, home repairs and maintenance, landscaping and many other crafts). I have been described by others in the past as "an extremely dynamic individual", and "a miniature Tazmanian devil". I'm pretty sure most people see me as a very odd individual, but I don't care. I serve God as best I can and try to help others along the way as I'm sure He would wish.
My suggestion is; Trust God. If you do His will, things will go well for you (most of the time).

Exquisite​(sub female) • Aug 19, 2020

I agree totally with MissBonnie and I would like to add just one more thing, before I comment I always read the profile first and if the city and state you listed is correct your in a better area than you realize. Your surrounding states that are in phase two are between two and five hour drive and less flying; with the airline prices now take advantage and fly!

Each surrounding state offers everything and so much more of our lifestyle and the communities are large!

My suggestion is to at the very least google what your looking for and trust it’s there waiting on you!

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Aug 20, 2020

Excuse me if you already knew this but I figured I'd add it just in case (or for those reading along that don't know) I have a bad habit of preaching to the perverted...

if you not sure how to find a munch or an event. Try Fetlife for them (its good for that)
you can also use Google and google "BDSM Munches nearest large city goes here" and I'm sure you'll find many, many leads to follow. Keep looking till you find one that suits your needs. If you attend one and hate it, try another. Munches aren't one size fits all. You might need to try a few.

Don't want to go alone? Find if they have a group page/website/email and ask around if someone is coming from your area or wants to share expenses or transport. If you need to stay over night, share a room etc. Not only do you get to save cash, you also make a new lifestyle buddy! its a win/win. (you never know, they might someone, who knows someone..its called networking)

Not sure what to expect?..or wear? what ages attend?..etc, ask the group owner. Most hosts are used to people asking questions. No question is EVER to stupid or trivial. If a question is to trivial for the host, move it along! Not the group for you. Also asking those questions the host knows to look out for you and help you settle in at the Munch. Attending events, munches etc doesn't need to be scary. We ALL where new at one stage.

Once you've attended a few munches you then might like to look at skill share events or play parties in same area. You'll then know some people attending or even better can offer to help YOUR community! Before you know it, you've got a phone full of contacts and your world just grew. Check out the local dungeons too once your a little better known, what subs did you met that would love to bottom for you or experience what you offer?

In the mean time, get the dust of those toys! Practice new skills that you can learn online...while your at it, many are now web based training due to covid! (same with a few munches, all available from the comfort of your home! Don't let Covid be the excuse)
What else can you do to add to your skill set? think outside of the box! Ever wanted to take an art class or cooking class? massage? photography? A class that females would be interested in? Why wait? Life is to short to wait. Get out and met people and your chances grow.

you might not meet the person of dreams but at least your in the right place if she comes along.
Like I said you got this!