Taramafor(sub male)
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4 years ago •
Sep 15, 2020
4 years ago •
Sep 15, 2020
Truth is most people don't know what they want/need and fear the worst (at least at first). They just assume they do. Until someone presents enough logic to prove otherwise or they find out through experience and finding out things aren't as bad as they assumed. For example, people can fear relationships but then end up knowing someone and finding out looking after each others wants/needs isn't that bad. I'm pointing this out because some people go "Nothing serious". Ok, well, I guess by that logic I shouldn't take you seriously either? Nope. I'm going "We're both people with fun/serious sides. Cut out the excuses". Not wanting something doesn't make it go away.
Sometimes people want fun alone. Focus on fantasy. They want your "human" side to not exist. Until otherwise called out on it. Challenge them with enough logic and they'll realise they're human as well. They have to care then. And if they don't they got bigger problems. Like a lack of self worth and self loathing. Or an inability to face their fears. No, this isn't an assumption. I've seen it countless times. That's the thing about people that are desperate for fun. You see the fun but they hide their pain.
When people talk about "true doms" I have it boiled down to two types. There's various other types of course but let's examine it in regards of control. And control alone. No safe labels, no ifs ands or buts. Control can't be argued against. Be in it or suffer. It's honestly that simple.
There are those that take control, make it happen, apply the right "pressure" or/and incentive to get people to "behave". There are doms that act like they're entitled to good behaviour when they don't put in the effort to make it happen. And yes I did just say "take" control. It can be given of course (for you to take) and sometimes you have to control a situation. Which does not translate to deciding for the other person. If you yank hard on a leash and it was never discussed you're taking control. Which may or may not be a good/bad thing depending on who you ask. Personally I go "Don't say. Do." If someone doesn't like a situation I want them to change it themselves or/and otherwise make that aware. That's your control. I'm not a mind reader. What's more if it's all warnings and talks without action then we're not doing enough. Talking can be nice but action is what creates fun. Both are important. A sub needs to be controlled THEIR way AS WELL as the doms way. Both. Ergo, control is mutual. Failure to control a sub properly results in them not being controlled or being in control of themselves.
Remember, incentive, reasoning, awareness, control and choice is what drives us all. Awareness will always come first. "Know the situation. Control the situation."
Going to put this in bullet points to break it down. Try asking yourself these simple questions (Think of other situations where your sense of control might feel threatened).
Can you still be in control when a volatile situation happens?
Do you complain/whine when a volatile situation happens? (seriously, it never helps)
Do you act entitled instead of taking action? (physical actions with force fall under the punishment category. Can lead to fun as well but "put in line").
Do you know how to defuse that situation?
Can you keep them calm?
Once communication and understanding each other is established fun happens quicker and more easily. Regardless of how dark, warped or "fucked up" a situation is. Of which you can enjoy with the right context but only if control and understanding is established. Often seems otherwise beforehand, but honestly, you either learn how to do that or you just wallow in self pity and despair. It's a simple enough choice. Making it happen is the trick. this is both D/s and life.
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