Decorum: Does labeling yourself a submissive mean strangers should treat you like one?

The Rebound

TalentedOptimist​(dom male){open} • Jan 29, 2018

No. You are a person first. Sub when you want with who you want. You’re not a fast food restaurant, tell that prick to fuck off.

This culture of instant convenience and situationships has people wanting their relationships the way they want their food/products/experiences.

Easy to order, completely what they want and no human mistakes.
This takes away from the intimacy of getting to know someone and earning their commitment with hard word and due diligence. It seems that is what scares people the most about any time of relationship today.

VanceUnder​(masochist male) • Jan 30, 2018

It depends entirely on the submissive.
For me, I'm perfectly okay with being treated like one by a stranger, in fact, I rather enjoy it.
Humans are different.

DrWakko • Jan 30, 2018

I believe that the (sub xxxx) or (dom xxxx) thats next to your name should be used when looking for a partner. Being viewed and recognized as a sub or Dom is different than putting that you are a sub in your profile. In my eyes if I view you as a sub its because you have earned that right to be viewed as one.

If we find each other in a chat room I will treat you like everyone else till you earn that title.

When I said looking for a partner seeing "(sub female)" in the classified section lets me know what I'm looking for. This doesn't mean they are the type of submissive I'm looking for it just means they view themselves as submissive.

Taramafor​(sub male) • Feb 13, 2018

It's for each and every individual to decide for themselves what they should do. Strangers are people not yet met. Strangers are people that have yet to care enough you to be either dom/sub to you.

Give someone a reason to care and they tend to do that. At which point they're not strangers.

cyndi lucy • Feb 13, 2018

Respect should be given at all times no matter the label you yourself. That is just a bully thinking they could push you around because of the label.

Jaz13​(sub male) • Feb 19, 2018

no...absolutely not. True submission is a gift...it is earned, and agreed to.

Serendipity1900s • Feb 19, 2018

I'm new to this world (just few days in) and just when I was losing hope, this topic caught my eye. Thank you Rick!
I'm relieved to hear that one doesn't have to be treated like a Submissive at the very first hello or even few interactions down the line?
I'm in the process of looking for a Mentor to guide me, I've chatted with some Dom's who were willing to 'train' me (even though I didn't seek more than some serious guidance). Long story short- it's left me a bit...torn. I'm in the process of self exploration and first impressions are key to me even considering entering this new world. I don't mind calling someone Sir. But I've read from many articles that if a Dom demands being called that at the very beginning, its a red flag. If they'e not too respectful, it's a double red flag. I could write a lengthy story just on my few days of experience but I'll leave it at that in hope I'll find some people here who could guide me without a selfish motive (If I can dare say this). I would love to ask few true Dom's out here how they'd typically act if I asked for their time and guidance for a few days. I know it's asking for too much, but then where else should I go?

Dumbledore​(dom male) • Feb 19, 2018

Serendipity, I think you just need to use your own common sense and not be afraid to do so.

Let's say you meet someone new at a party, and while you have your first conversation, they're not very polite or very respectful towards you. Would you continue talking to them? Would you consider someone like that a good choice to surrender your "darkest secrets" too? In all likelihood, the answer would be no. Correct?

Ask yourself why BDSM should be different... It really shouldn't, should it? You're talking about a world where relationships and activities can be much more intense than in the vanilla world (that's my experience anyway). So if anything, you should require _more_ respectfulness, not less.

I can tell my submissive that she's a slut, but that's not something I have done the first six months we were together. Because she wouldn't have handled it correctly and because I wouldn't have thought it appropriate. We're both interested in humiliation and degradation to some extent, but we still have not gone there yet. We will when we feel our relationship is ready for that.

So use common sense. Keep in mind that all relationships are different (maybe you meet someone some day where it feels right to call him "Sir" from the very start), but use your common sense and be aware of what you want and need (yes, you're a submissive, no, that doesn't mean you can't want or need things).

Serendipity1900s • Feb 19, 2018

Hello.

Thank you so much for your detailed insight. Understood. Crystal Clear. This gives me the confidence and hope I needed so badly.

Asteria and you have been very very helpful. For that I am eternally grateful.

My best wishes to the both of you.

Best,
Serendipity

shahh • Feb 19, 2018

Just read through this post.

Serendipity... True doms have wonderful advice and knowledge and this should be spught out. However, I suggest talking to as many subs with experience as you can as well. They have a vast wealth of knowledge regarding red flags in doms and how to spot them. Hindsight is 20/20 after all!!