My Sub talking to her old online dom

beach baby(sub female)

4 years ago • Sep 24, 2020

My answer to your question is, you can tell her whatever you wish to tell her. That is my take on this thing.

My Daddy always gives me the opportunity to tell him what I’m thinking at a convenient time for him. Sometimes I have to wait. He has no problem considering my needs as well as his.
Then, he tells me what he expects.

I like to keep him around because I’m nuts about him, so I try hard to do what he says.

There are a couple of areas that I have issues with consistently obeying, but he doesn’t give up on me. That is a very important to me.

Tthomas

4 years ago • Sep 24, 2020

WOW, Love that a new Dom has a place to come for advice.
I liked all of the responses (some more than others)

What we know......
This is a new Dom in his first D/s relationship and he is not sure how to handle it.
She has had two other Doms that have both been online.

GingerWill, I hope you two have had long talks about Hard limits, Soft limits, wants, needs, likes and dislikes. A D/s relationship like the two of you have is going to be an ever evolving thing. The longer you are in It the easier it will become.
You have said you do not want her talking to old Doms. Tell her what you want/expect. Only you can determine how to do this. I hope that she listens and knows how important this is for you.

You asked if you are allowed to do this. IMHO you are allowed to do anything that....
Does not break a hard limit
Does not push a soft limit to much
Causes unwanted Physical harm to your Submissive
Causes your Submissive to question your commitment

I could add many things to this list but I think you get the point. Read all of advice that is given and think what is the best way to achieve the desired results.

Good Luck and let us know if you can what happens.

rosethorn(sub female)

4 years ago • Sep 24, 2020

Bunnie wrote:

“Now to my question - I dont know if I am aloud or can tell her not to speak to him.”

You’ve (I think unknowingly) touched on quite a nerve within the community. I am of the mindframe that yes, you’re well within your rights to tell her you don’t want her to speak with someone... especially if they’re toxic and you can see how much she’s affected by them. If it’s based on jealousy though, that’s simply a bandaid and not addressing the actual issue... so it won’t be the last time that’s an issue.

Ultimately though, the way I see it is that the question isn’t about whether you can allow her to speak to him or not... it’s about what is the best decision for both of you from the perspective of aiming towards the goal of becoming your best selves. If you were coming from the place of being your best self as her Dominant... how do you think would be best way to handle it for both her, you, and your dynamic? Or look at it another way... if a friend came and asked you the same question... what advice would you give them?

I wonder if he asked the sub if she was okay or if she feels talking to her ex is toxic? There are some where it isn't but i understand the worry.

I think maybe just letting her know that your there to support her and if thats the case she will likely ask for help with boundaries if it becomes toxic. Or the i don't feel i can say no... yes you can say no if you want to.

The Thinker(sadist male){NotLooking}

4 years ago • Sep 25, 2020

I have been told by literally more than a humdred women (not subs or slaves, though some were) that the most unattractive thing in a man is insecurity. Keep that in mind when you ask her to cut of contact with anyone, including her ex.

Understand one thing. Either she is into you or she isn't. If she is, nothing to worry about, let her talk to whoever. If she isn't, you cannot make her, and if you try to cut her off from her ex she will only dislike you more.

Good luck.

GingerWill(dom male)

4 years ago • Sep 25, 2020

Hey I just want to say thank you to everyone who responded to my post, you were all a great help. We have sat down and spoke about certain aspects of our relationship and our d/s relationship and have worked everything out, we have changed and added to our limits both soft/hard. And spoke about what we both want from this.

But again thank you every I am glad I have some where to come for help and support

rosethorn(sub female)

4 years ago • Sep 25, 2020

Submission is an act of trust. She will come to you when she needs you or feels uncomfortable with her old Dom but she has to come to you first to establish consent.
You can ask her how she feels about it and if she is okay let her know you are there for her if that changes (it will change if he just uses her for pictures....)

Yes you are allowed to be concerned and you can share that concern but consent is still needed and i hate to say it but some have to learn the hard way.

An example

' oh i didn't realise you were still in touch with each other. How does that make you feel?'
Let her answer and it will tell you where she is at.
If she is happy atm respond with
'Okay, you let me know if that changes im here for you'
If she isn't happy
' is there anything i can do to support you in this situation'
.... that is when she will say she needs you to Dom her on this if it gets to that point. Give her the opportunity to look after herself on your behalf first.

Hope this helps x

Your okay in being concerned it shows you care, just respond in a calm and measured way.

Mark nw london uk(dom male)

4 years ago • Sep 25, 2020

A girl [in real life] can not serve 2 masters.
Just for a second imagine a room, seated in there you and him, she comes in...looks...and?
either way someone is hurt, it's not fair or right.
The D in dominance doesn't stand for Devoid of feelings, easily forgotten sometimes.

Ask the question you don't want to ask.

Good luck.

petiteluna(sub female)

4 years ago • Sep 26, 2020

OraclePollon wrote:

It is interesting to see peoples responses. Seems she was open with you. Sometimes I dont feel relevance announcing to the world what I am doing. If someone texts me, and there is no ill intention, I am not usually robotic to be "it is an ex!" That seems silly. But you prompted, and she didn't hide it... had she said it was someone else , no Bueno, but as a submissive I can't help if someone talks to me, and don't want to really be classed into "No Doms, ever." But if you set those rules (if mine would) and she agreed, that is the agreement. Because I would respect that if it was important to my Dom. But you have not set those up, I would bring it up now, openly, and be happy she said who it actually was she was talking to. Not punish her for that honesty

I’m with you on this. I’m the same way, I don’t feel the need to announce everything to the world.
I want to give a clap for every good point of yours!

But really, this all can be solved mess free with an open conversation. If it were me, I’d rather my s/o talked to me about it before passing judgement. 🤷🏻‍♀️ OP you’re valid for having feelings of uneasiness because this is uncharted territory for you. My best to you in having a conversation with your sub!

realfreakydad(dom male){NO}

4 years ago • Oct 18, 2020

Re: My Sub talking to her old online dom

4 years ago • Oct 18, 2020

GingerWill wrote:

So I am kinda new to the whole Dom/Sub community, so I am not 100% sure on a few things and I am still learning thkngs, but I was talking to my sub today and her phone went she looked at it and put it straight back in her pocket and I jokingly said how I hated when people didnt reply straight away or look at the message fully as it may be important when she said "oh it's not it's only my old dom". Now I know she has had 2 Don's before me both of whom have only been online and she has never actually met them. But it kinda threw me back a bit that she was still talking to him as she told me he only ever used her for pics and videos and that's all her tasks ever were. can i be jealous or worried that he is now speaking to her again after over a year, she says she has told him about me, and I do believe that she has,

Now to my question - I dont know if I am aloud or can tell her not to speak to him.

if you are no longer her dom she is going to find a new dom and the new dom will say to her if your old dom called you not answer and loose his number or block him from contacting you or get a new number! which she has every right to do that!

alawey(sub female){(OWNED BY }

4 years ago • Oct 19, 2020

Mysimple thoughts on this. Is just that simple.

WHY????

Why is some talking to an EX.. ?

look I'm all for being friends with others no matter the sex or side of the slash. But I will say that I have only talked privately with Doms that I have permission to do so. Now there are subs that are allowed to talk to whom ever they want. And that is also kwel its their relationship gig.

The deal is why is she and did you discuss this prior to this happening.