DOM/DOMME DYNAMIC

DOM/DOMME DYNAMIC

truckstopjunkie • Sep 27, 2020

I've been in a few BDSM relationships, and I do not have a whole lot of knowledge, as far as book knowledge or google knowledge. I've learned mostly from experience and word of mouth. Here lately I have read where Doms went their subs to be equals. This isnt my question however the best relationship that I have ever had, in this lifestyle has been with a DOMME. I'm not masochist in any form and neither was she. She was bisexual and extremely honest and open, which allowed me to be with her also. The ho.e was happy and we both allowed each other to be the person we are. Now here is my question. Why isnt the DOM/DOMME Dhnamic ever discussed, or any other like personality dynamic even considered as a relationship? When I was in this relationship, we were together In everything we did and there was rarely resistance to the others needs. Oh and if like minded dynamics know what is expected of them why arent there more people going in this direction? And if this is a no no in this lifestyle then is it just as boxed in as its parallel vanilla lifestyle? Can someone help please, because I always enjoyed my Domme even though we didnt necessarily engage in the act but more in the hunt. Or is this just an overlook in this lifestyle?

truckstopjunkie • Sep 27, 2020

Due to an Oracle, I have recently learned what the Domme actually is, that I am looking for. It is actually an Alpha Submissive. I am hesitant on stating this due to the fact that I have never heard of an Alpha Submissive but I know someone that has so I give them the credit to this new found term. However this actually fits where the domme does and makes more sense.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Sep 28, 2020

I think you might be confuzzling terms but I'm not sure. To be honest I'm actually VERY lost so figure its best to ask.
while the terms don't matter to some, for others they do matter. Terminology shortens the communication process for us all. It saves on time, it saves on hurt feelings and misunderstandings. The right terminology helps others find you or identify with you. Granted we don't all fit the label we wear 100% but its at least a good descriptor and a starting point. kinda like a Chicken soup label on a can. you know its chicken soup, so know what to expect but you also know not all chicken soups are made from the same recipe.
what matters the most is you knowing what you want and finding a way to express that, in a manner that other looking understand. Making sure your both on the same page.

So you're looking for a Domme that's an Alpha submissive? Just what does that role mean to YOU? how do you see it playing out?

You also asked the question "Now here is my question. Why isnt the DOM/DOMME Dhnamic ever discussed, or any other like personality dynamic even considered as a relationship? "

I think this dynamic is discussed all over boards here...or am I missing what your actually asking?

edited to fix a dyslexic typo

truckstopjunkie • Sep 28, 2020

@missbonnie
Thanks for your reply. I appreciate it. As you can tell I only know from my experience of any topic in the forums. I do see that in a relationship, that is formed in the lifestyle that most blogs or date sites related to this lifestyle, I havent seen ads or others even desiring a same/same dynamic. I am here to make friends and to share my experiences and to hopefully help others. I try not to bog myself down with too much knowledge other than what pertains to me. If my lack of knowledge offends anyone I do apologize. But it has been brought to my attention that a dom such as myself, does desire an equal in most aspects of a relationship. I was wandering why there isnt more Dom/domme or vice versa information if so many desire equality in a relationship?

House Talion​(dom male) • Sep 28, 2020

It is odd that such isnt more commonly discussed, but based within any MAsT group, most of what they say can be applied to just about any D/s relationship as well as the M/s ones

truckstopjunkie • Sep 28, 2020

@ House Talion.

Thanks for the reply, j just xont see it discussed much, and I guess you are right, but most evefyshere I read I see more of a Dom/sub dynamic discussion.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Sep 29, 2020

thanks for the explanation on where I got lost. I'm following now. I think I had a blonde moment. I see it now. I'm glad i asked now.
Yes there is a slight disconnect in discussions on Dom/Domme relationships. I guess as I'm not in that situation, Ive never put much thought into it so hadn't noticed that.
I wonder if its because the D/D dynamic is more vanilla styled unless they are also "*switches" and needing less support on a BDSM forum, than say their D/s side of the balance with poly partners ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
* we do see more on this D/D dynamic but thinking now, I think every time I have seen it mentioned, Switching was mentioned.....*screws up her face* so then is it more a S/S dynamic more so than a D/D?

I do hope someone more knowledgeable in this area can answer that for you. I'm now more interested in what others have to say.

truckstopjunkie • Sep 29, 2020

@ MissBonnie
It's all good, but I would like to share that it has also been brought to my attention by discussing this in private with submissives that, some submissives like to see themselves as Alpha submissives. It has been my experience that a relationship in this lifestyle is extremely difficult. Thirsty Doms, overly helpless submissives, and of course all the thrirstiness of both really makes it difficult to carry on everyday tasks, necessary to run a household, when there is a helpless overly submissive sub., And I'm sure, just you being female and just being on this sight, you know all too well about the thirsty Doms. I think that is why I really like the term Alpha submissive, but the hunt with a Domme is awesome, however I do prefer in a dynamic to be monogamous. In the Dom/ Domme or Domme/Dom, it's not monogamous at all, however I also know that an overly helpless submissive dynamic is not monogamous either. DOM meat. Please dont think that i believe this about every sub but from what I've seen even the ones that say they are monogamous, they still have poly tendencies. Maybe I'm just not a good Dom. Actually I am but like the subs my Dom is a gift also. So, I thank you for your support and the more I think about this, the more i like what i think an Alpha Sub might be. As you know yourself MissBonnie Dom dynamic isnt as easy as everyone may think. Maybe you could share some techniques that would help make me a better Dom. Or at least make it easier for me. You have a blessed night and thanks for your help.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Sep 29, 2020

your welcome for the reply. Bare with me this might be rocky!
Maybe what would help you..or help you find another that is on the same page is nailing down what you think/know you want. In away that others can relate with it.
What would be an Alpha submissive female to you? How would she fit in your proffered Dynamic (in your ideal world?) I'm not expecting an answer. Just throwing out some food for thought like you asked!

To me, alphas (subs) are strong confident women outside of submission. they often successful, strong, independent women publicly who crave to be highly feminine & highly sexually submissive privately (at least the ones I have met and Domme'd but I do lean to more sexual femsub than physical as in a whip me, beat me, tie me up way but don't enjoy my sexuality too, hands off)

IMO,YMMV: They (alphasubs) are often leaders within their careers or very driven to be their best but behind closed doors they live to serve their Master/Mistress but they are not a push over or a door mat. They have views and opinions and wish them to be heard and valued, listened to and acknowledged. They wish to serve yet not follow aimlessly, they do however IMO follow blindly when they know they are appropriated and valued for the Alpha they are. They have strong values and stronger ethics and expect the same in return before they will submit. They know their place as submissive but they also expect the Dom/me to know theirs and be true to those values. alphas often do not share well but of course there are variances to these IMO. I my experience if they calling themselves a alpha submissive, they are rarely switches nor would they top. If so, they would of used the terminology as a descriptor but not as way to define themselves or box themselves. As kinksters we tend to use the more important TO US terms first and the lesser later. But maybe I have that wrong? That is the greatest thing about kink, it can means different things to different people (as long as your SO thinks the same, it works! it needs to more about what works for the couple sometimes, over community shared meaning)

I think why I got originally confuzzled in your post was you seem to interchange the words Alpha submissive, switch and Domme like they are interchangeable (or that's just how I read it). Or maybe I sense in some parts of your post, you identify as a switch? I did notice in your profile you don't label yourself, so can I guess your still seeing where you fit within BDSM?

I think that's where I became confused as I took your post as you being a Dom and looking for a Domme or an alpha sub. I couldn't understand why you (as Dom as that's how I read it) would seek what you couldn't "own" or dominate (seemed counterproductive to me). I thought that way because some women may switch BUT if you cross paths with a Domme looking, that has applied the label of Dominant to herself and identifies as Femdom, you then have an EXTREMELY high chance she is not a switch and will never "submit" to you, yet she could see you as a an equal (the D/D dynamic you mentioned). I personally see my subs as equals. I value my submissives. They are my greatest asset but that doesn't mean I do not use them for my sexual pleasure or self gratification. I do, I just do so with give and take in the long run so what i take, I also give back, I am strong follower of TPE practices and old gaurd ways. ...but I'd never switch or bottom, I'd end the relationship first! (an no I'm not joking or embellishing) as I am a Domme, that role isn't fluid, it is set.

I do hope this makes sense I'm running on not much coffee and a lack of sleep, sometimes whips and chains are all to time consuming, when you still need to function a human the following day LOL