Writing about bdsm when you are inexperienced

Writing about bdsm when you are inexperienced

Storms n Abi{Whatever } • Oct 1, 2020

Hello all.
I've decided to work on a erotic romance novel with aspects of BDSM and the psychological part.
I had a few doubts and questions about the same. I'm not experienced in the lifestyle so I'm not what's the best way to start writing the scenes.

shahh • Oct 1, 2020

Get experience in the lifestyle.

TheChimera​(sub female) • Oct 1, 2020

To begin, you can always look into local BDSM clubs in your area. Go to munches (These are public gatherings where people of the community may go to a restaurant or an event to mingle.) or attend a dungeon's play-party. Meet people, discuss. Even potentially gain some of your own experiences.

However; due to the pandemic, I understand gaining real-life experience can be tricky.

I will say as a member of the lifestyle, PLEASE do your research before you write on a topic for your erotic novel. We don't need another 50 shades of grey hitting the media and spewing misinformation.

I would say start from the basics.

What is BDSM? What does the acronym BDSM stand for?
What is SSC, RACK, etc?

The Cage offers a lot of nice material you can learn from right off the front page. To help, I linked a page that provides quite a few links.

https://thecage.co/magazine,1.html


Honestly, if you can't get the experience yourself, you can always conduct interviews like a reporter might. Take in someone else's experience. Learn from them.
A lot of people here post about their experiences and lessons in their blogs (I'm one of those people) -- with that being said. Please make sure you are only using that info for learning purposes only. I'm not saying you would; but some folks might get uncomfortable if you write directly from their experiences and basically copy their blogposts.

Best of luck and warmest regards~

Re: Writing about bdsm when you are inexperienced

The Thinker​(sadist male){NotLooking} • Oct 1, 2020

There are 3 key things you need to know.

1) Anyone who has a limit is not a submissive
2) Consent is passe
3) How high is not the answer a sub should give when asked to jump. (S)he should ask, from the skyscraper or merely from the treetop?

OK, this is a joke, don't take me seriously.

TheChimera​(sub female) • Oct 1, 2020

Ohhhh Thinker I was about to go off, you had me in the first half there! LOL

House Talion​(dom male) • Oct 1, 2020

If youd like a good idea of how to write about the community without having experience, check out 50 shades of grey

TheChimera​(sub female) • Oct 1, 2020

Y'all got jokes, omg. LOL!

shahh • Oct 1, 2020

I suppose I don't quite understand thinking you can with accuracy and integrity. I don't mean to sound like a jerk, but writing about BDSM without experience in it would be like writing what it's like to play in the NFL without ever having done it; or writing what it's like to be a Jewish Canadian living in Saskatchewan when clearly that's not your life; catching my drift? I mean... You CAN... But SHOULD you? Fiction writing can be whatever you like, but using a demographic and trying to mirror their experiences... personally, I'm not down.

ColoRuleSoft​(other male) • Oct 1, 2020

This is the analogy I'd use: can a person who's never done Chemistry write a serious book about Chemistry? No.

Anything you write will be closer to fantasy. If that's your goal, then that's fine. If your goal is to have it be somewhat serious, you need experience in whatever you're writing about.

Don't let us stop you, but do think about what you're going to bring to the table when you sit down and write. Writing is tough enough already, don't muddle yourself when you have to think about what someone might do in a situation vs. actually having seen or heard it yourself.

Take care,

A

NoClvrNickname​(sub female) • Oct 1, 2020

I agree with what others have said - while you are certainly free to do/write as you wish, if you insist on writing about BDSM with no experience, it’s going to be inaccurate & grossly misleading. The world does not need more uninformed 50 Shades of Horse $h!t. Why would you not want to write about something you actually know about? Are you even interested in BDSM beyond being a means to an end for fantasy writing? Once again, nobody can tell you what to do, but...motives seem questionable & resulting product will be the equivalent of Trump attempting to describe compassion.