Question for the ladies

Question for the ladies

TheDoho​(dom male) • Oct 19, 2020

Ladies

I know your inboxes get blown up and that a bunch of jackholes ruin it for those of us that are within a reasonable tolerance of normal (no one is really normal). So here are my questions.

Do you just wade through all the emails in hopes of finding something interesting or do you actively go out looking at profiles?
If you just go through emails what gets your attention?
If you do go looking at profiles what gets your attention there?
Is it us being active in the community?

Any help you all can give us guys would be appreciated

Thank you

forgedbyfire • Oct 19, 2020

The emails that are the most interesting are the ones that actually show specific interest about what's written in my profile. Anyone who cracks a funny joke or says something engaging is likely to get a response. So many emails are just "hello" or some descriptor of who they are as a dominant (strict, alpha, daddy, etc.) or the email asks about something that's already in my profile. Personally, I treat those as mostly just fishing messages sent out to see if they get a response. Those emails typically show zero effort. And, frankly, those are the majority of emails.

I also wade through profiles when I see people post in the forum / participate in community. Those are the ones who seem least likely to be spammers and more conversationalists. Those are the ones I like the most because they are "contributors." I can see from some of their comments or responses that that we may have things in common and we can use those comments as a way to start off a conversation.

My advice is to show your interest through a compliment about something in a profile or ask a question about something you saw there. Most of people find it easier to talk about themselves in the beginning.

Good luck!

LaVieEnRose​(sub female){Kintsugi} • Oct 19, 2020

When I used to get bombarded I used to try and wade through the messages, approach a sub like you would any person you find interesting and you’re more than likely to get a response from me. I mean at the end of the day until you’re in an actual dynamic or going down that route you’re still getting to know some like you would for a vanilla relationship.

Well thought out profiles, I want to know who the person is besides just being a Dom.

nuli​(sub female){Unkolared} • Oct 19, 2020

I always check the profile out before reading the mail. I find it gives me a small idea of the person talking to me. If I find it trolly I ignore. If it's someone who has sparked my interest I will reply. And by sparking my interest it doesn't always mean in the type of Dom they are. But the person they are

Grey Eyes​(sub female){Owned} • Oct 20, 2020

Well thought out first messages that show they read my profile are welcomed. They have to have a profile of their own that show something of their interests. A bonus if they have blogs, comment on blogs or forum posts. To me that indicates an interest in the community.

It's the personal connection that needs to speak to me. I have messaged Doms before if their non BDSM interests (from their profile) align with mine, with no prior message from them.

The original Her​(switch female) • Oct 20, 2020

Mate, maybe I'm strange, but I love talking on here. However, it's preferable that you have some decent grammar skills and basic understanding of the English language before you message me.

I'm not looking and don't think (or hope) I will be for a while, but I'm always around to chat. Even talking about non-BDSM things, it's enjoyable for me. I've been so lonely since I'm immunocompromised, and all my friends are at college hours away. I'm always looking to meet new people and expand my social circle!

When I was looking, I'd go out looking myself. I know myself better than just to sit around and wait, plus I'd be getting messages from people that didn't match with what I wanted. I first looked for people who were around my area and online, then would expand the search after combing through those, etc. As I get more into talking, I'm looking for people closer to my age that aren't looking for explicate dynamics or partnership opportunities, and more friendship or guidance.

Just like Grey Eyes said above, I've messaged people because their (non-BDSM) interested matched with mine. Just showing appreciation on something they posted, or something they said on their bio that I agreed with, so on, so forth. I often take matters into my own hands, just because I like to be on top of things and am sure of what I like.

As always, you'll never get a reply from me if your first message is you demanding I submit to you. I'm not saying my submission is a gift, but you've done jackshit to deserve it, and I believe most other people will feel that way as well.

Bunnie • Oct 20, 2020

My approach isn’t very common at all, so please take what I say with a grain of salt. Why am I responding then, you might ask? Because I love answering questions! ... and also because well, it’s always good to have different perspectives.

All of my message systems are locked off. Even if they weren’t, I am not interested in anyone who contacts me (and tbh, the men I’m interested in I can’t possibly even imagine sending out messages to girls). I understand that sounds odd, but in my world, I approach those I’m interested in. I make my interest known. I am the one who lays myself bare, facing possible rejection. I give the person I am interested in, power from the very start. I’m not interested in games or the whole song and dance of “courting.” If I want to be yours, you’ll know it. And if you are interested in seeing if I fit... yay! We go from there.

What makes me approach someone?

Observation. I am an observer. It may not seem like it because I talk like there’s no tomorrow lol... but I observe slowly, over time. Character, behaviour, responses, reactions... not just words. Basically I am gauging others constantly. Time, I find, is the most accurate gauge. We all have ups-and downs... for me it’s not about judgement... it’s about compatibility. I will not approach anyone I don’t feel is at least compatible in some form or another.

This makes for a slow and lonely path, as I watch others finding their forever places... but that’s what I’m seeking too... it’s just that my forever place needs to be suited to me. I call it mindfulness. I now try to do everything with mindfulness... even entering into “relationships.”

Good luck in your search. I hope you find what you’re seeking

BigBubbles • Oct 20, 2020

I check the profile of the sender before I read the message. I may not respond depending on that alone. Then I read the message. If it sounds like a line I dont respond. If I can tell they havent read my profile, I dont respond. If the first thing they mention are my pictures I might not respond. If you can make me laugh or if you ask questions I'm likely to respond. Guys need to fill out their profile just a little bit. A picture would be nice too. Or at least a description.
I look at profiles occasionally. But blogs are my go to. What and how people write tell me a lot. Also if I get a message that's all lowercase and in slang , I'm ignoring it. Even though I have no problem approaching men I havent done so here ,yet. Hope this helps. Glad you asked.

TrilliumRising​(sub female){Owned} • Oct 20, 2020

I agree with a lot of the previous posts.

I look for well though-out profiles that offer a glimpse of who you are, blogs and a positive involvement in the community, a *well-written* message that shows interest (I'm a big time lover of books and language, and seriously CAN'T get past poor grammar- I understand that we are all human and make errors, and honestly after writing this I'll probably find my blog and forum posts riddled with them, ha, karma lol!- but if someone can't put in the effort to even use basic punctuation, then they are probably not going to be able to put in the effort required to really get to know me because I require a heck of a lot more maintenance than a dang comma or a quick spell-check ). Smart is sexy. When someone shows me that they are willing to take the time to get to know me as a human and thus proves to me that they don't just view me as a collection of available orifices, I will respond in kind.

Asking to talk away from the Cage right away, or immediately demanding an email, phone number, or nudes, is a serious NO in my book. It takes a minute for me to get comfortable with someone, privacy and trust are paramount, and if someone can't be patient and respect the space I require, then they won't be contacted further. Also, if someone blatantly shows that they haven't read or payed attention to my profile, then I am usually going to nope right on out of that as well.

Also, I know a lot of people won't respond to someone if they are relatively new on the site, but I usually take the 'joined on' dates with a grain of salt- I am pretty new here, but I am making a concerted effort to engage with people in a positive way and make new friends on here as I learn and grow, so if I see a Dom who may also be new-ish but seems to be immersed in the community and not a sketchy troll or here for the wrong reasons, then I will give them the benefit of the doubt. Something also to bear in mind- not everyone has Premium, and therefore may be interested but unable to send the first message. Hope you find the answers you were looking for, and good luck on the journey!

Kara​(sub female){Dark Roast} • Oct 20, 2020

Back in the day when I was receptive to messages and looked at profiles, my biggest thing was compatibility in the vanilla sense. I was looking for a serious relationship and wanted someone who would fit in both my worlds. Messages that showed that my extensive profile was read or a comment about a recent blog that I had published were always welcomed.