New to bdsm

New to bdsm

norton • Oct 23, 2020

Hi I’m just wondering what the best ways are to get involved in the bdsm community. I’ve heard that getting a mentor would be good for someone new starting out as a Dom but not really sure where to start any help will be appreciated
Thanks in advance

Alpha Wolfe • Oct 24, 2020

Socialise. If you want to sus out a mentor at some point, that's up to you.
For me I find just socialising to work. In reading other people's blogs and forum posts, I get to know them, their perspectives, their views on doms and subs. It gives you an understanding of the community as a whole, but also individual people. Because that's what we are. Dom or sub. Male or female or other. Monogamy or open relationships, we're all people.
In talking with some 0eople directly, I've learnt some likes and dislikes for myself, as a person and as a dom.
Just engage the community my friend. Blog if you want. Ask questions. Read profiles and start conversations. Take part in forum discussions. Learn about others, and you'll begin to learn about yourself.

ribbonbaby{Guarded} • Oct 24, 2020

Like Alpha Wolf said, being a part of the community is one of the biggest ways to learn and grow. There are some other tools available on this website. Check out the Magazine posts and read the forums and their comments. They are fun and good learning material too.
Also, if you like youtube videos, try Evie Lupine. Her stuff has been really eye opening for me.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Oct 25, 2020

A really good friend of mine has a saying "How do you eat an Elephant"
kink is like trying to eat the per-verbal Elephant!
You need to go one bite at time. Rush you choke or miss parts that taste so damn good!

like the above posters said, take your time, read, read and read some more. When you think you are done, start again!...honestly if this life is really for you, then you have the rest of your life. BDSM is a marathon not a sprint. I know, I know your 18 and want to dive in right now. I was the same. So take that want for that knowledge and make it work for you.

Take what you know your interested in now and study it. Use it as your first bite. I read on your profile you have a little impact play experience. So start with that and it will lead you to your next bite and before you know it, your half way though your Elephant. Not expecting answers but heres some food for thought to keep in mind while exploring each bite
...Why does it interest you personally? Why would it interest another?
what is it that triggers that interest? (in yourself and another)
How do you see that fitting into a play style? yours and someone else's?
How important is getting that X into play? (what will you give or take in exchange for the power exchange)
To what level ? (do you want it 24/7, bedroom only, only at home, once in a blue moon etc)
Do you know the safety to that kink? (giving and receiving)
do you understand the different methods?
the aftercare needed for XYZ?
Even the legalities of the play style?


if you still need more direction find a kink negotiation play list (cant find one, message and I'll gladly help you out) Fill it out and start with what resonates with you the most and work down the list. Start with things that strongly interest you and work down that way.

Some other good idea are grab a copy of SM 101 by Jay Wiseman and see what lites you up within it (mind, body and soul..it more than just how your cock reacts). Follow what excites you (and no I don't mean porn) Jay doesn't have all the answers but he does have some well respected advise that is great to build off. Also while talking about "advise" never trust trust just one source, seek out others.