Punishing a submissive

Punishing a submissive

GagFan​(sub male) • Nov 12, 2020

Hey guys what does everyone think are effective and appropriate punishments for submissive.?

FloraDragon​(dom male){Roaming Wi} • Nov 12, 2020

Depends upon why you are punishing someone, for example using a vape and not paying you attention - vape removed and kept by Dom, only used when asked for. Time limited no kissing, or kisses only instigated by the Dome. No physical contact for a period of time. Sitting down eye to eye saying I am disappointed with you. Spanking, but submissive must know it is part of a punishment and not play session.

Punishments must be apt, and suit the reason for the punishment, timely - effective as soon as possible after the infringement, time limited i.e. 10 spanks, no kissing for 1 hour etc. The punishee must know why they are being punished and the consequences of doing the same again.

GagFan​(sub male) • Nov 12, 2020

Do you think grounding is an appropriate punishment for a submissive?

FloraDragon​(dom male){Roaming Wi} • Nov 12, 2020

Again depends on why you are punishing someone, grounding could be a punishment - dependent upon the infringement. But consideration must be made we are all adults and may need to leave he house to work.

Onlinedomguy​(dom male) • Nov 12, 2020

As mentioned already, the punishment must be appropriate for the transgression and for the submissive. As an example, if you have a sub who enjoys pain, you might want to use other techniques for punishment.

Restrictions on things your sub enjoys is always a good place to begin. I do not believe a Dom should you access as a punishment however.

Timeouts, atanding in corner, having to do things around the house, standing naked and having to hold onto things for extended period of time..etc

Onlinedomguy​(dom male) • Nov 12, 2020

Don't you hate when you are replying and you get distracted so you quickly finish your post and then later you read it and you are like...geez....

what i wanted to include is how effective i have found writing assignments as a form of punishment. I actually use writing assignments in different ways but as a punishment, even for subs who enjoy writing for me, has been great.

Things like the same sentence over and over, having to write about the transgression with specific parameters has seemed to work well.

The point about it depending on the sub is really important. Some subs are so upset with themselves when they disappoint their Dom you can use that disappointment in themselves and not much more is needed. Just hearing their Dom express disappointment can get the message through.

melimask • Nov 12, 2020

It also depends on it your submissive is a masochist. Obviously corporal punishment would not be effective.
If my Master would spank me it definitely would not be a punishment.
The punishment needs to fit the crime and it also needs to fit the sub. Also keep in mind things that will do damage mentally. For me I have a hard limit when it comes to being punished by my Master taking away time with him. Or him ignoring me. Those things will do damage and will not teach me a single thing.
Before you punish your submissive you should know her deeply so the punishment will be effective.

OraclePollon​(sub female){NotYours} • Nov 13, 2020

Should be something they don't like. Being grounded or writing lines is a good punishment for a little or baby girl (even though I also hate mfing lines)

I just want to make sure though, before you go and punish, that punishment is deserved. Sometimes all that is needed is correction, and correction should be done by positive reinforcement. That is the best way to learn and teach (there are exceptions depending in your D/s style) but it can also be kinky fun, like spankings. But yes, if it has gotten to the point of punishment, because you have tried multiple correction attempts or it is severe enough to warrant it, then it should be something unenjoyable.

Byrdie​(switch female){rl only} • Nov 13, 2020

I've found the following to be useful:


* is this an actual punishment, meant to correct and discourage poor behavior?

I have surprised a submissive who lied to me in order to get harder play with exactly how unhappy I was about being deliberately lied to.


* is this a "funishment", basically slightly harder, boundary-pushing play out of mock annoyance?

It's valid if that's what you want to have happen, but consider how this submissive has reacted to various sorts of play.


* what is are the submissive's limits? Can the dominant stay within them and still deal out a punishment?

It's possible to punish to the edge of those limits without traumatizing the submissive, but it helps to know a lot about both the submissive and those limits first.

With one submissive, I simply wounded their pride. They wanted some Herculean task that would prove to me that they were worth keeping. I gave them a minor task with the explanation, "Let's see if you can _at least_ do this before you set me up for disappointment again." They were mortified that they'd dropped so low in my estimation.


* what has the submissive enthusiastically agreed to? Can a punishment be made to encourage the submissive to rethink that?

I've done it. The person agreed to CBT and electric play. I don't think they realized I'd be employing both simultaneously. Turns out applying an electric fly swatter to the underside of a cock-head kinda smarts - who knew?


A little knowledge can be a dangerous thing.

Domme Punishments

MistressAdair • Nov 24, 2020

It depends on your domme/sub dynamic. Communication to your domme is so important, whether it's verbal or in a journal. Exploring your fantasies and respecting limits is critical for a healthy relationship.

As a domme I have huge respect for my sub as it comes with great power. An effective punishment will strengthen your relationship and make your sub more devoted to you.