How many times...for Doms and subs

Miki • Dec 20, 2020

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(The majority of these responses seem to have been written in the context of finding someone to "click" with either online, after meeting in person and so-forth.)

Consider the alternative.

Myself being an example: I am not here to "meet" anyone, so my profile is written to get that message across.

I will never be seen in the Personals or Chat rooms for a reason, but even with my profile written such as it is, succinct and blunt, -- I still get hit-on, asked for my number, and all that shit.

So if someone doesn't write a Cage version of "War and Peace" (meaning a wall of text) .. it could very well be that they are here for purposes other than developing relationships, not because they are "shallow" or "fake".

Personally I don't need to see a profile to post to forum threads or read blogs because I don't need to know more about them than how they interact in forums or what's in their blog.

That does not mean I do not look at and/or "Love" a given profile, I simply don't do so with the intent of divining who they are deep down, what makes them tick, blah-blah-blah--- because while I'll talk to anyone who writes, I honestly don't give a fuck.

LordofPain56 • Dec 23, 2020

Back in the days when it might have mattered, and if the profile text was lengthy enough, I'd read the whole thing and maybe go back and read it again, especially if I saw some things I believed might have been a good fit for me. I never bothered reading short profiles because there can't possibly be enough information in a few sentences to tell anyone what that person is like, and many times they don't even tell ya what they want. Those are probably fakers.
Once upon a time I had a lengthy profile that should have had enough information to give anyone a good idea what they would be getting into as far as personality traits, habits, basic lifestyle, religious beliefs, political bent, financial status, social/economic status and adult proclivities. That profile was never posted on this site. By the time I got here, I was old and didn't give a damn anymore.

mikebradsrv​(dom male) • Dec 23, 2020

I read every word of even the most absurdly long profile. It matters not if I'm interested in talking to them, but the more they write the more I learn about people in general. Insight is too valuable to pass over. But, I'm a highly functional autistic so that's me.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Dec 23, 2020

"How many times do you feel like you read a profile before really having a good idea of what a person claims to be about? (I say "claims" because of course we only really know what they share with us, but let's assume this is an honest person who is sharing about themselves, and it is a very well developed profile."

"You see their profile..." (I read a lot of profiles- most don't get past a cursory skim)
"You reach out..." (almost never. Old fashioned sub here, He is the Dom, in charge, in control of himself, etc. let them reach out. If I write it is not to hit on them its a genuine comment about something)
"You talk for a while..." (talking online is helpful but I like to go to phone, hear the voice, see if the eloquence or knowledge represented online is the same as them speaking in person. Crudeness, ignorance etc. One guy swore he quite smoking - a hard limit for me- and sat on the phone with me lighting cigarette after cigarette. )
"You make a choice..." (I choose to go to phone. I choose to talk more. etc. There is no one choice. Especially now with the virus. I listen for many things on the phone. I want the whole man. I want a real partner in vanilla and power exchange, so it matters that I choose the whole partner,)

"How many times in that process, do you think you read their profile in its entirety?"

(If we are talking, I might look for their profile on other sites. You'd be amazed how many have different ones on different sites. If that is the case I would ask about it. For example, a guy had an old profile on collarspace that said he was involved with someone and that is never going to change. A definite no go for me. Then he shows up on alt.com and he is single. Which means she left lol. I ask about it and he says some dismissive thing to change the subject. "Well, I'm single now anyway." Yes, but you did cheat on her? I don't date cheaters. There are also people who are on and off again and always looking for a replacement until the first comes back. I want to know these things.)

"And do you feel like you see something new each time or maybe you gain a better perspective based on getting to know them and the profile reveals something new?"

(No. Some might I guess, but I go for the meat of the information off the bat. So I wonder, are you looking for something new to change your initial impression? I mean, you really want to like the guy. You don't want to be alone etc. So you keep looking for that kernel of something worthwhile? Either way, I look to understand him better. If I miss an important detail, I look to see if it is there, but that's all. I don't fall in love with a profile. As a writer, I know how easy it is to write for your viewing audience.)

(I've had long and detailed profiles, and short and blunt ones. I find most men who approach don't read at all. They see a pretty photo and presto chango you're a match. It may work for them but if they are not at all what I seek then I know they didn't read the profile. After years of explaining and being polite, most now I just delete. There will always be people on sites like this looking for the quick and easy. You will never change their minds that you are worth more because they already know that they aren't worth more.

TalentedOptimist​(dom male){open} • Dec 25, 2020

Question.
How many times do you feel like you read a profile before really having a good idea of what a person claims to be about? (I say "claims" because of course we only really know what they share with us, but let's assume this is an honest person who is sharing about themselves, and it is a very well developed profile.

Answer:
I would say about 75 percent of the time.
It's rare AF to see a fully developed profile, with pics, and accurate self-description, clear relationship standards/pursuits, what they expect from others, and what they have to offer. For the "honest" people who fully share and open up, that speaks only to what they have learned about themselves. Secondly, it will make it clearer if we are compatible. Fully developed profiles help with screening.


Question.
You see their profile...
You reach out...
You talk for a while...
You make a choice...
How many times in that process, do you think you read their profile in its entirety?

Answer.
A solid 3 times. The back and forth is exhausting sometimes.

Question
And do you feel like you see something new each time or maybe you gain a better perspective based on getting to know them and the profile reveals something new?

Answer
No, I get most of the info on the first two reads. Most of the time, I get a better perspective after the meeting. Online pursuit is mentally exhausting. Sometimes I just want to cut to the chase, can this work or not. Sometimes, I'll enjoy the distance and see how things develop with time. I'm not looking at someone's profile as the template for which to judge and guide. A sub's actions and ability to communicate give all the perspective I need.