Subs Pursuing Doms

MelMell​(dom female) • Dec 26, 2020

I like it when possible subs approach me as it normally takes too long to look around on people’s profiles and as I’ve stated many times before on my blog, most people don’t even bother writing a profile. So by them contacting me, I can filter out who I want to spend time talking to or not. As I am poly I have other subs to pay attention to and spending time in here looking for new ones isn’t very easy for me.

Cressida Clytie​(masochist female)​{Taken} • Dec 26, 2020

I think there's nothing wrong if a sub approaches a Dom.

Well in my case, I'm actually attracted already to my Daddy weeks before I found the chance to message him and I'm glad I did.

So I guess and in my opinion if you like someone why do you have to wait for him or her to make a move regardless of your role? People needs attention and the feeling of being wanted. Don't get me wrong I love love love totally love someone who makes me feel that they want and need me. But, Doms have feelings too. They need that as well.

TigerBDSM​(dom male)​{looking} • Dec 26, 2020

THANK YOU the cage!
I've been VERY FORTUNATE on this site having someone reach out to me first. Always flattered!
My success when initiating a conversation is very bad, due to many reasons beyond my control and indigenous to being a dom online .
My success when someone says hello to me first, and again THANK YOU the cage, is almost 100% meeting that person and enjoying all the wonderful activities this superb lifestyle offers.
4 decades plus of RL experience, mostly with a live in slave or two, AND online since 1999 in the BDSM space I've watched the landscape be altered, yet has not grown the size of the community in proportion to the worldwide population. YES, everyone is now cognizant of what may happen in the lifestyle, but knowledge of something does not increase significantly the total base.
However it has allowed the MASSIVE pollution that virtually every female must wade through to find someone suitable for their needs.
So, contact me first AND meet my criteria = we actually meet. I contact maybe even that EXACT SAME person FIRST and...pick one, no reply, who the f do you think you are, or the drop dead you idiot....
I'm the same guy, but get pooled with all the other 245575355 DAILY solicitations...and then just wait to get lucky if they ever see my profile.
The quility of females on this site is terrific. Sadly I'm just another name in your box..and you will never know who I am, delete and move on.
So, YES, take the first step and say hello to those you might be interested in. You have the choice to pick who you want, why allow the mostly undesirable to slow you down.
Ultimately the goal is a great connection and not forever looking. We all want to enjoy the lifestyle and not be CONSTANTLY looking for it.

Maxorde​{Not lookin} • Dec 26, 2020

I would actually prefer to be contacted first. I know many subs get a ton of emails, which must be incredibly daunting. I would want her to reach out so that I know I’m not making an assumption that she will talk to me. I’ll talk to anyone about anything!

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Dec 26, 2020

TalentedOptimist​ - Subs Pursuing Doms
22 hours ago • 12/25/2020 11:01 am
"Recent events have brought the Alpha out in many subs, and they are going on the offensive to save time and effort. What are your thoughts on submissives pursuing doms in order to build a dynamic?"
..............................

Not sure what "recent events" you are referring to. Nothing recent about it. Individuals choose how they interact with others. Some women reach out and others do not. The reasons for that are personal to those people. And usually they have nothing to do with being dominant or submissive.

I'm old school, and if a man fancies himself a Dominant then I expect him to dominate his interest in my profile and reach out to me. It isn't ego or an assumption on my part that he owes me anything. I need a strong partner. So I expect him to be strong enough to tell me what he wants, if that is me. Again, old school, old world and probably just plain ole' old to some here. lol

At that point we are not Dom or Sub we are two adults having a conversation.

I have written to men in the past, usually to ask a legitimate question or make a comment. If I use that to show my interest (which is rare) and they don't respond, I accept that they are not interested and leave it at that. But I'm not hitting on them just to hit on them.

I'm also rather literal so if you fill your profile with how bold, brave and Dominate you are, well, I expect you to act accordingly. You can exhibit your dominance and strength in vanilla ways easily enough. In fact you get my attention much more quickly if you don't lean on the posturing that some do.

Another factor might be experience. I've had 3 long term, really good Ds relationships. Once you find your zone in that and what works for you, it is not typical to go backwards to ways that never worked well for you before. Men who afraid, or unwilling to take that first step are likely not a good match for me any way. Which doesn't mean they aren't good people, just not the right fit for me.

Kitzer​(sub female) • Dec 26, 2020

I don't think reaching out makes anyone any less submissive. If you see something or someone that interests you then why not interact with them? I mean dominance is all about leadership and guidance and so why wouldn't you like choosing that person for yourself?

And that person whom you admire may not ever come across your profile and chat with you and so you're effectively shooting yourself in the foot if you're never willing to put yourself out there.

I mean my best conversation so far has been with a dom that I've reached out to. And who knows where things will go in relation to that but I'm still glad that I had said "hello".

DomJayy​(dom male) • Dec 26, 2020

I have no problem with it and in fact it can be preferred because it shows they are interested! It’s hard messaging a sub knowing you are adding to the thousand messages they receive

I definitely thing it’s the way it should be on here personally! Subs should be the only ones able to message so that they can’t be pestered with all the crap they get daily from fakes and just tools looking to take advantage

Then you know they are interested and they aren’t put off as so many have been when joining! Cage is awesome and 99% of you all are fantastic ! It’s that small 1% that can ruin it for someone

Master Daddy Sir​(dom male) • Dec 26, 2020

As a Dom, I welcome subs to approach me, as long as they do so respectfully. It makes things easier since I know they want me and what I am offering. It also shows that she's willing to speak up for what she wants or maybe doesn't want, which will make the development of the relationship easier too. After all, I want my sub to be happy, not quietly doing things that make her miserable.

Voldemort​(dom male) • Dec 26, 2020

I would prefer that. But let alone reaching out to you most of the subs don't even reply when you reach out to them. I'm not saying that every time you reach out the reply should be positive but even a negative response would be better than none at all. As Aries Chris has said Doms have feelings too. For those who are mono like me you reach out to someone and you wait for a response that never comes and in doing so you miss the opportunity of finding your kindred. Also there are many who come here to play. Make up your mind whether you are a sub or not. Or if you are otherwise engaged with studies or work just say you are here to benefit from the community and you are not looking. Do not engage with someone and then you find out you have other engagements and you have to break it off. It hurts the feelings and the level of trust in the community.

Bunnie • Dec 26, 2020

It really depends on perspective. If you break it down to vulnerability... a sub approaching a Dominant is actually putting themselves in the more vulnerable position, because they are the one facing possible rejection. I find that quite humbling. So from that perspective it is actually the Dominant who has the power right from the get-go.