Questioning

Questioning

SouthCanadien​(sub male) • Dec 24, 2020

Hey all,

This is my first true post on here, and it's difficult to begin any particular place. The first time I felt truly turned on was when I went dressed as a girl for Halloween in 7th grade, but was too ill to attend school that day. So I stayed home, and while my parents were away, I dressed up in my schoolgirl uniform and found some handcuffs and bound myself to the stair railing. It was exhilarating to feel so helpless, yet something was missing. I tucked away that bit of my life and repressed it, and now it is coming full circle. In college, I tried on prom dresses, heels, flats, yoga pants, and even bras and panties. Yet here I was still unsure of what I liked, and fast forward a little into that relationship, I found myself doing to my girlfriend at the time what I dreamt a woman would do to me: Have me dress up in comfortable clothing and then tie me up, however I was a rookie, and still am. That said, I dated another girl who, as a joke, put on her tank top and pants, which amazingly fit me fairly well at the time. I still internally craved more. Once I reached my junior year, this past fall, everything really came to a head. I began dating a non-binary individual, who has morphed into a new persona, due to their DID (disassociative disorder); and they enabled my clothing choices, and it made me feel free, alive, and exhilarated. I was bought a pair of sissy panties, black tights, a black dress, and a bralette. I purchased black wedge shoes which I was able to wear to class without so much as a word. I also bought a white blouse, a Gryffindor skirt, a tri-colored short skirt, among other clothing items, and my partner at the time was the Dom woman I needed, they were understanding of my limits, and what I wanted. We bought BDSM tape, rope, and even lube. During the spring semester which was online, I was made to wear the dress, shoes, panties, and tights until I was told to do so otherwise, which was amazing. They even used BDSM tape first to see how I would react, and I loved it. They also bound me with BDSM rope, and that had me turned on as well. I want a dom female who I can entrust my safety to due to my own mental health concerns, as well as be understanding that my sub side only will come out with the right dom, and not only that, but I want them to respect my boundaries as a person so if I do not like something then they know what it is and perhaps why I do not like it. I want a dom woman who is in control, but also is a little bit lenient when it comes to understanding that with my Autism, it is difficult for me socially to begin with, so don't coerce me into a situation or my fight/flight instincts kick in. My ex partner would like it when I called them "Mommy" or if I seductively called "Baby girl" or "Good girl"; but I also know that D/S is super case by case basis. I want a female dom in my life who can text me while I'm home and say "Do this while wearing this" or "Wear this and do not undress until I say so"; etc.

Miki​(masochist female) • Dec 25, 2020

Nice post... I guess... I find it hard to keep focused on long-winded posts, so I had to skim. Don't take this wrong, but in all that I didn't see anything you were questioning as per the thread title. What are you questioning? What do you want input on?

SouthCanadien​(sub male) • Dec 26, 2020

Hey; thanks for the reply! I suppose I'm questioning what my orientation is, I've seen myself as straight, but maybe it's in limbo? I guess input is how do I go about finding a dom who can be understanding of my needs but also understands that with my cognitive disability; it can be hard for me to understand something in the kink lifestyle. I find myself missing having that part of a woman being in charge, and having me dress up and be told to wear what they choose for a certain length of time. My ex partner had a dissassociative merge with two ex personalities, and now they are only attracted to women, and therefore, I've lost my dom and don't know how to find a new one.

MelMell​(dom female) • Dec 26, 2020

You can put up an ad and see if any domme will message you. You could also reach out to dommes and see how it goes. If you want a domme to reach out to you fill out your profile more, if you want to reach out to a domme make sure to make a lengthy response and hope that they will be interested. There’s very few dommes for all the male subs there are. So you gotta make yourself sound more interesting than your competition.

Curious Raven​(other female) • Dec 26, 2020

Have you checked out Fetlife? It’s certainly very diverse with groups covering pretty much any kink imaginable...and there are several groups specifically geared for people with autism. You might also want to check out “Novices and Newbies”. Even if you never post, you can get quite an education just reading the content. Enjoy the journey!

I QUESTION...

DemonstricusRed​(sub male) • Dec 27, 2020

I question my submission and level of obedience.
I'm untrained
Am I doing things right?
Do I need to be broken?
So many questions....