Not So Sexy

Not So Sexy

Quirkyrebel​(sub female) • Feb 3, 2021

Hi cage users!

I was just wondering... I chatted with a Dom that found me on here a couple or so weeks before Christmas! Things were going well at first with a good chat about the way Doms should be, kink, and maybe even interviewing the sub and sharing a couple of interesting stories! We took the chat somewhere less overcrowding on the cage inbox! Even discussed in depth the rules for starting a dynamic, good punishments, play, stuff about the world, and goals!

But a little after talking a decent amount about pain... He started wanting pictures! I gave one of myself to allow him to see what I looked like. But he seemed to just ask for more visuals on modeling with the gold digger lifestyle. The requests for my phone number and complete detail of what I look like than a face pic kept coming.

About 56 days from first contact... And he hasn't given me his real name, pictures, chatted like he values more, sympathy, or even a good understanding about the D/s relationship's progress! There's just no time for growing or learning space...

Then he just goes on the accusatory and laughs about chaos I dealt really well with... Do you think I'm overreacting to send a bunch of angry texts for the lack of a good judgement for a Dom that I'm entitled to know about? Could he be losing interest? Does anyone understand this fucked up kind of game? The fact I can manage on my own... Or the knowledge that you're given so much only to not have enough time and effort from the other person? I guess he likes too many subs...

NoClvrNickname​(sub female) • Feb 3, 2021

So....just to recap: Dude online talks a big game & gets you to send pics, keeps asking for more & more, without giving you anything you want in return? I am SHOCKED I say, simply SHOCKED.

Someone claiming to be in the lifestyle in no way negates the fact that they are a human, and sometimes humans are shitty to one another. Sometimes people want what they want & don’t give a flying fuck who they have to hurt to get it.

No, you weren’t wrong to send him angry texts if it made you feel better, but quite frankly that’s just more time/energy/effort that you wasted on his sorry ass.

Dominus eius​(dom male){LittleLott} • Feb 3, 2021

OK, so we are all here because we embrace different forms of relationship and enjoyment.

Most of those relationships involve some level of protocol between the parties involved.

However, it is still fundamentally a relationship - which requires give and take on both sides.

From the sounds of it this person is expecting everything from you (and not just in a protocol way) while being unwilling to give anything back.

Obviously it’s your choice - however in your position - I would probably step away. If they’re not willing to put the effort in on their side - why should you do the same.

Merely my thoughts on this and many other will feel differently.

Quirkyrebel​(sub female) • Feb 3, 2021

@NoClvr

Yeah, I understand that humans sometimes act kinda rude to each other over simple things. Bratting aside... I never demanded that he introduce me to all his subs, show me his tux, or even help me deal with my plans for beneficial goals! I didn't even scold him about thinking too much about photos either... Because I'm kink friendly! And if he wants to try something I don't like... I'll indicate that! I'm more relaxed and eccentric.

However... finally I had enough! And just became furious! A confused response won't fit the lack of effort! So the tantrums will just continue... either the issue gets resolved or human need and instinct intensifies and things slowly start to diminish in contact.

DE

Give or take. I'm worried about progress and the right to know about the other person. I can't imagine a high risk meet with enough chat that leads to worse! Without cooperation or consideration from the other person... I just simply have to slowly opt out! (Assuming this pattern doesn't change)

I focus on safety, consent, communication, acceptance, human values, and stability!

House Talion​(dom male) • Feb 4, 2021

Anytime you give so much more than you get as though you give everything and get nothing in return, an ubber-dom like any other

Quirkyrebel​(sub female) • Feb 4, 2021

No! Actually just like to give enough to show the other person I'm willing to cooperate as things are supposed to go. But won't overdo with the sending and pleasing so much they can walk over me! He's gonna have to learn I only accept what I agree with! And no amount of bugging or requests is going to change my mind! I knew he may not give what is needed in return. I waited and tried to keep from going overboard on submission!

In fact, right now. All I'm doing. Is ignoring for half the day and continuing to be angry. Don't care that he keeps talking "that doesn't affect me!" Just super busy tomorrow! And need my beauty sleep! Made him wait for both pics about a month! Then sent since he didn't turn impatient. His problem; not mine!

The effort and compliance I mean. As well as balance and respect! There!

Sensualgent​(dom male) • Feb 4, 2021

Dear Quirkyrebel,

Your profile reads you are a 19 year old submissive female who enjoys humiliation and embarrassment.
You may like to consider giving a little less information and letting an interested person take the time to find out about you as you do them. I suggest this to make yourself less of a target for any unscrupulous so called doms looking for kicks or worse. As a female sub it's certainly not easy finding a balance between making your profile informative and divulging too much.

In your particular experience I would be wary that you have given the photos and details you have without anything forthcoming from him and I certainly wouldn't give any more without confirmable photos and info from him.
In fact, if my daughter were in a similar situation I would be extremely worried for her (but that's parents for you).
As it is I do worry for you or I wouldn't be writing this at 2:30 in the morning. If I were you I would be inclined to take my own advice and back away. Bare in mind he and any other doms could have read this post and may act to appease you.

You talk of putting safety first but I don't see that you particularly have. I appreciate it isn't easy with today's technology and skill with which predators manipulate. With the little info I have I'm not suggesting he is but you owe it to yourself to make sure.
I'm sorry I've waffled on but I hope I've been of help.
Don't hesitate to follow up on here or contact me and others for advice of you need it but remember anyone, including me, could be trying to manipulate you. ( and perhaps no one is). You're probably safest with the many friendly and experienced subs on here.

If your gut warns you off, listen to it.
STAY SAFE. Nothing else matters.

SG

Quirkyrebel​(sub female) • Feb 4, 2021

Don't care. Just need to make sure I do not share something critical! Also, manipulation is for frauds! I back away from bad influence!

My gut doesn't say he's bad news. It says be cautious with a person like him! I get so busy these days... My space respected! The people around me make me feel nuts! I have no credible way of relying on them. But truth is... I only care about myself. Until I know some sources are right!

One of his tactics are suspicious however... Of course if he took the time to tell me about him and focus this may be right! Too distracted either way...

Thanks for your wise words!

Need more truth and validity!

Quirkyrebel​(sub female) • Feb 4, 2021

Also, only time and reliable teamwork can tell!