Very new to all this

Very new to all this

SS MISTRESS​(sub female) • Feb 13, 2021

Hello.. I, along with a man I've known for a few years, just gotten into this community. I want to be his, only his. We are not a couple as of yet. I want to know from all of you, what steps to take to have complete trust and form a bond to become a couple. Is this something I am dreaming or is this possible? We have sexual chemistry. We have slept together once, years back. We both had life got in our way to become anything else. We reconnected out of the blue. He is 58, very athletic and strong I am 50.
He is very closed other than sex. I am very open to him and want this to work. Any advice?
Thank you. Xx

Sir Don​(dom male){Nt looking} • Feb 13, 2021

This begs for so many questions to be asked. Since you have known each other for so long the tough stuff should be behind you. Accepting who you are and who he is makes the beginning better than most.
Communication is the key to a successful dynamic.

House Talion​(dom male) • Feb 13, 2021

Fhe general idea of 'just talk to them' always comes up, but many of us have forgotten how hard it is to do just that when feelings and emotions get in the way.

I'm sure theres certain things you can do to entice his opion on certain things which inevitably could continue with chatting about the two of you having relations. A fewind of mine always had a kitten (keychain sized cat 'o 9) on her key ring all the time and while going about vanilla conversations shed smack it around. Just an unusual way of fiddling, which brought up many question that lead to her talking about the lifestyle. It got her 2 subs, 5 boyfriends, and more than a dozen ppl interested in the lifestyle- all within a decade. Just one example of tmsonething that could be done, but as she wasnt aiming said attention at 1 individual results varied

OraclePollon​(sub female){NotYours} • Feb 13, 2021

I like this question,

I always wonder if people coming into the scene together are really into the scene, or each other.

I think where you are is stated clearly. But the BDSM world is HUGE. From my perspective, I do not think I could have gotten everything I wanted from bringing someone in with me. Because compatibility and attraction is that, but you will more than likely have to leave a lot of things you may want off the table when meeting someone you already have hand in hand, half way.

Or maybe your styles will grow together. I don't know, pretty neat to think about. But you need to know what you want, do you want him above all else, or do you want a dynamic for *you* above all else? This lifestyle may make you ask yourself that question. Unfair, but real. Where as you two could pick, and you could adapt and create something that works for you both. No wrong answer, but those questions WILL inevitable come up.

Miki​(masochist female) • Feb 13, 2021

Be yourself, Honey! There really is no other place to be.
Sorry this was so brief but nothing I can add would help.

ErosRising​(dom male){Hekate} • Feb 13, 2021

Communication is key to what you are asking about. When you open up real dialog and let them in to your world and to who you are it builds trust. There is also the Consent factor. I am not speaking about the consent that you give to someone else as far as a D/s dynamic. I am talking about giving consent to yourself to be open to him about what it is that you want and are looking for. This type of self consent opens you up to him in a very real and transparent way. This will help to create the trust that you speak of.

In a LT D/s relationship, there is what I call the Trinity or the 3 pillars that are the foundation that all else needs to be built on. Those 3 are Communication, Trust, and Consent. These 3 all work together simultaneously. You cannot have one with out the others which is why I call it the trinity. So My suggestion is to work on those together to obtain what you are seeking.

Hope this helps.
Eros

Miki​(masochist female) • Feb 13, 2021

Listen to her, O P

ErosRising​(dom male){Hekate} • Feb 13, 2021

LOL. Him. Psyche is the her.

Eros

He’s just not into you

OneStripe​(dom male) • Feb 14, 2021

I think if you’ve slept together once and never again and you want to but he apparently doesn’t then you shouldn’t expect the situation to change. It sounds like you’re friends and that seems to be enough for him. If that’s not enough for you I suggest jumping on him and seeing what happens.

Sometimes the shyer type of guy can’t imagine being lusted after and needs to be jumped on.