Dealing with trust issues

Dealing with trust issues

Taramafor​(sub male) • Feb 14, 2021

No matter the complaints someone tosses at me, no matter the excuses, I focus on "Let's do more. Let's establish shit." What works in a relationship also works out of it. Frankly, it works with strangers too. Treat people like they matter and they'll treat you like you matter. It's that simple. But if people treat you like you don't matter, they need to be called out. Doubly so if they're making excuses and being hypocritical. Somehow, it leads to better things right after. Honesty is honesty and truth is truth. If you can't handle it, tough. It spares no one. Not even me at times. But exposure brings experience. Then we adapt.

I value myself enough to make sure I matter. While making sure the other person does too. But because of trust issues, of which people I know readily admit too, the doubt and expectations (look, I'm not obligated to do things your way alone. There's reasons for things) causes complications. Been a few talks. About honesty and awareness mainly. The one thing that will keep people sane. They say they avoid conflict, but I get them to face me. Because being evasive in reality causes conflict to linger (and even build) instead of getting through it quickly and moving on to better things. They also know they've been secretive with others. But I'm too persistent to let that stand. They been honest with me. Which helps. We're aware of the situations we're in. We focus on what we can do because I make sure they're not being pessimistic. It's about finding out the truth. Keeping on trying and finding out. And it works. I'm also too observant to be played for a fool regardless. If they had lied to me I'd know, because I'm dogmatic when it comes to the truth and honesty (to the point where I got a bloodhound nose for it). Lies and secrets is not something I stand for under any circumstances. It's YOUR safety I have in mind when I say we have to be aware of the situation we're in. If that warning gets ignored, I can then say "Full and fair warning given". I also make sure to remind them to correct any observations I make if they're not accurate and any time I misspeak (and frankly, more people could do with doing that instead of being close minded and acting like only their opinion alone matters). That covers all my bases.

Huff. Puff. It can be really hard work making sure things go well with people that have irrational fears. But I manage somehow. Prepare for the worst and you already know how to handle the best. Not the only person I know that has such issues either. I got the experience.

We do things. I ask them if I make them happy. They say yes. They also made excuses to hold back with my happiness. Which I cut through. There's never a good reason for that. The winning question was "Do you want us to be happy?" and pushing for a straight answer with it. Either you want us to be happy, or you don't. Not only that, they already been telling me I do. But I was making sure they choose it and know they want it. It won't happen by magic. It does require going against your nature when you're not used to plans and been sheltered most of your life. But if you have doubts and concerns which gets in the way of "flow", then the only logical course of action is to discus things to formulate agreements. Some people don't doubt at all as soon as they meet you. It's nice. But that's not people with trust issues. It would be nice if you never worried, but if you worry, you worry. They know they worry too much and have fun when they make the effort to find out. But they also know they make excuses to tell themselves they can only worry. Had a talk about how they're not as "stuck" as they pretend. Used to tell myself the same bullshit once. So if I'm hard on someone when they act like that, it's because I needed a kick up the ass. What else am I supposed to do? Let them wallow in self pity and be pessimistic? Nope. Getting them out of that pit.

Right. That's that one done. Now... for the next person I have to work things out with. Ok, silver lining. I get good results every time, no matter how much people doubt me. So I know I can do it. And quickly too. Ok, yea, reminding myself of this helps a lot.

... I'm going to take a well deserved nap before doing that though. In all honesty, people with trust issues are draining. They complain about that themselves, but frankly, if they worried less and weren't negative/pessimistic and making excuses, they wouldn't drain themselves. It's the one approch that works. Calling them out, focusing on positives and what we can do. (kind of half done the former already then chilled out for a bit. Different person). I'll deal with it. But right now, I'm taking a freaking nap. And sorting shit out when I get up. I really do need to stop putting it off and get to it. Happens when you juggle a number of people. But at least that means I got more experience.

Seriously though, can people with trust issues just admit they assume too much stupid shit already? I don't enjoy pointing it out. But it's called trust issues for a reason. The issue is you can't trust yourself and act like you can. But if you do that much bullshit and act like you can just get away with it and don't even consider someone else might be more aware of a situation then you are (which, frankly, can keep your mental well being intact) then that should tell you something. Like, I dunno, that maybe you can't always trust yourself. Even I know I can't trust myself alone. We NEED others to CORRECT what we do when we hurt them. Otherwise we keep hurting them. That's the logic here.