How to be an online key holder?

How to be an online key holder?

Byrdie​(switch female){rl only} • Feb 21, 2021

I have a set of stylistic questions, I guess, as I'm a complete n00b at any sort of keyholding.

I have a theoretical idea of how this works in person, and even how it can work long distance for people who already know each other in person. I am unsure, however, of how to be a keyholder for some random person with whom I have no emotional investment, whom I've never met before and will likely not be meeting.

What, exactly, would I be doing? Just setting up a session with some parameters, advertising the session for folks to vote on ... and that's it? Would I be actively voting on the session with everyone else, or would I just get one vote?

Would I be requesting pictures or video of plastic locks with code numbers on them that are in use?

Would I be expected to tease and deny this person? I'm assuming that's negotiable, but as I know nothing about that person then I wouldn't have an idea of how to approach it except to come up with a default cookie-cutter style for strangers and they either are into it or too bad. Is that how it's done?

I'm unsure of how to do this as the supposed "top". I guess I could just stumble in and pretend I know what I'm doing, but I'm not terribly comfortable with that even with folks I know, let alone with complete strangers.

Are there help files or discussion groups for virtual keyholders that go beyond just setting up the software?

I identify as demisexual, and thus require an emotional connection to someone to feel sexual attraction to them. It's possible that virtual keyholding - outside of a pause in an otherwise in-person relationship - may not be for me. However, I'm open to finding out.

House Talion​(dom male) • Feb 21, 2021

As far as I know there needs to be either a position open for a keyhder or a Mistress willing to train a noob with said position.as for stumbling g in without experience you could check out the series 'Bonding' on Netflix, I got a kick out of it.

Byrdie​(switch female){rl only} • Feb 21, 2021

I've been seeing people asking for key holders, but - again - I'd like to know what I'm doing first.

I watched the first season of "Bonding" and haven't completed the 1ˢᵗ episode of the second season yet.

House Talion​(dom male) • Feb 21, 2021

What you do is certainly always up to the primary M in charge, but essentially youd have complete control over whatever or whomever the key unlocks as to which knowing how to take care if someone elses property is just as important as knowing how to give orders or direct

dollMaker​(dom male) • Feb 21, 2021

The netflix show Bonding as a resource, don't bother.

The Toybag Guide to Chastity by Mistress Simone is a great first stop resource book - not on amazon currently.

Male chastity, A guide for keyholders by Lucy Fairbourne https://www.amazon.com/Male-Chastity-Keyholders-Lucy-Fairbourne/dp/1905605145/ref=sr_1_8?dchild=1&keywords=chastity+play&qid=1613937298&sr=8-8 great book.

There are websites designed for chastity play and distance is not an issue, as they are set up for this, such as https://chastikey.com/, and https://www.emlalock.com/#/login and there are also female led relationship sites and self bondage sites as resources too. In fact female led chastity dynamics are catered for much more, than male on male, or male on trans.

It can be done without those sites, by using a similar principle but doing it yourself. All that's required for the person in chastity is a quality cage, one that fits well and can be worn without showing. A combi lock box, spare keys that can be got in an emergency. I would keep initial sessions short, one week and build on those. Keeping it simple to start and after that its possible to build in all sorts of ways of increasing the difficulty.

Length of session is established, start day, time, release allowed before or not. Once all of that is discussed and consent given, then the key to the cage goes in combi lockbox, and the box is closed, the numbers required to open it having been recorded by a photo. Photo is then sent to the keyholder so they can provide away to open the combi box, so once the session is over the cage can be opened. The person deletes the photo, but keyholder retains the photo and writes the combination down - for extra safety (I did that with online sites as well). I would build in hygiene times, at least a few times a week to keep things clean. Hygiene times will require unlocking and a new photo being sent of the new combination each time. Set these times, and the duration allowed, at the beginning of the session. A contact method in case of emergencies is also required. That is it at its simplest.

It can be done with no cage and mental chastity the tool. I have given sessions using both methods, actual cage and no cage, and currently I am the long term keyholder for someone, currently in mental chastity. I keep it to a week at a time, with releases built in ever so often, randomly. There have been some lapses, which have been dealt with, but I am lucky in this person is incredibly honest and I trust them.

Its a lot of fun and I enjoy holding keys.

Re: How to be an online key holder?

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Feb 22, 2021

I don't mean this to offend but actually to just cut to the chase

but if its not your thing and you have NO attraction to them or they are random strangers, then why are you doing it?
(or your not being paid for it *PLEASE NOTE THIS ISN'T ALLOWED ON THIS SITE* and I'd suggest you avoided completing this conversation if it was your intent)

Not being your thing you will receive very little in return for what is actually a great deal of work, if your not enjoying the process. also not being your thing, it isn't fair to the submissives entrusting you with their keys. Not getting enjoyment from what your doing isn't a Dominant action and is counter productive to what the submissives want...NOTE I'm not saying you are not Dominant (far from it), I'm just saying where is the enjoyment/reward/satisfaction for YOU. What do YOU get out of this? Where is the power exchange?

..but I also get you've never done done it and you shouldn't make a blanket statement that you dislike it without trying it first. If you are intent on trying it, then I'd suggest you start with just one key to hold. Pick someone you know a little as you said you preffer those you know. To cut to the chase again and save on a wall of words, the men wishing to be locked more often than not, are chasing the chemical reaction of tease and denial. In short you are there "fluff girl" it is your "job" to keep those brain chemicals at the highest level. The "how" is a little more complicated as its "online" but the process is still the same as face to face over text or cam. You can then as you said check locks or tags are in place. In short: You do stuff to arouse him and check hes still "locked" Dollmarker has given you some wonderful links and the same one I would off.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Feb 22, 2021

I walked away then and thought...Bad Bon, I used a blanket statement that "most" (just) want fluffing but some are just in it for the personal control and sense of mind it "can" bring (IMO this is rare). Some just want a key holder to do what the name implies, hold the key, while they out do their personal best (days, months or years in CB).

It can be hard for those new to CBs to figure out just what the wearer wants as often they are even unsure of their own personal motivations.

Re: How to be an online key holder?

Byrdie​(switch female){rl only} • Feb 22, 2021

I've done tease and denial with a local man, and enjoyed it immensely. It was an in person relationship, and we had fun. I found the amount of sexual energy being directed at me heady, though it *was* a second job trying to maintain it while also going about my day. Yipe.

However, I'm single, live alone, work from home, and haven't been vaccinated yet. Even before that, finding someone local, compatible, available, and who was into chastity was ... tricky. So I figured that I'd educate myself on some dedicated online forums, found out about online key holding, and continued to have problems trying to understand how it works between strangers.

And you're likely right: the chance that I'll enjoy online chastity without a previous in-person bond is pretty slim. However, that doesn't stop me from being curious about how it works, and to see if I can make it work for me. I'm just poking around to see if I can develop an "Ah ha!" moment about it.

So far, not really. The advice has been good, but ... it does sound like very little emotional return on my efforts.

(And, no - I have no intentions of going pro. That, while also fascinating to research, seems to involve a level of dedication that I just don't have.)

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Feb 22, 2021

I'm so glad you took my post with the spirit it was intended I was just worried about your enjoyment



I SOOOOOO hear you on this. I found the same (hence the warning lol) I enjoyed/enjoy the control factor and found it very heady myself but yes, the work load is a lot. I often wondered if I was alone on this so pretty much experimented and questioned just like yourself and found it was common. for some of us Domme we need that connection. I'm sure just as we are about, there are others that don't and are willing to do so¯\_(ツ)_/¯ to each their own! We cant all be the same that would be boring! I do hope someone else chimes in that doesn't need the connection...maybe there is something we are both missing?!?

I do have to say I love your curiosity too