How do you overcome... This?

How do you overcome... This?

Ravine​(sub female){NotLooking} • Feb 21, 2021

Funny how, IRL, I always find myself being the kind of person looking after or helping others. Yet, today, I am here, on a new 'place', where I basically know no one, asking for support...

I would have never thought that such a short-lived experience (3 weeks or so) of a D/s relationship would have left me with this unbearable scar behind. Since he said I would have been better off with someone else, I've been doing things 'just because', feeling purposeless, dull.. Lethargic and useless.

The issue was a mismatch in availability, him being a busy individual, and me - as a first time sub - being particularly in need of attention. It's now been over a week, and I still can't rid myself of this feeling.. It's like a part of me has gone missing. I miss doing my things for him, I miss the direction and structure he gave to my - otherwise rather chaotic - life.

How do you overcome this pain? How do you learn to un-hear his voice calling for your (pet) name, all the time?
Going back to vanilla dating? Chasing that high with someone else? Withdrawing myself from society and sign up for a 3 months meditation retreat? I'm considering pretty much all of those options, but nothings feels 'as good'.

I've been heartbroken countless times in the context of a vanilla relationship, but this is... Just-something-else. I was so not ready for this.

Any insight welcome, I could really do with some word of wisdom from more experienced people right now

House Talion​(dom male) • Feb 21, 2021

Need support? You've got it! Not being submisive, just helpful. Did you expect to not get hurt from the ending of a relationship? Yea it sucks, but our prior experiences help to get through the present troubled times.

So you had the feeling if belonging and the person that gave you that feeling is gone and now you need a purpose? Anyone can help with that. They dont need to be your Dom, but it helps if they're at least somewhat dominant.

IowaDom​(dom male) • Feb 21, 2021

I cannot remember who said it, but I once read a writing that compared the journey through life's relationships to the growing of an oak tree, How the mighty oak can grow without attention if need or nature requires it, but for it to reach it's true potential, it must be guided, groomed, and occasionally pruned if it is to reach above all else and claim its true place in the world. You have found something in yourself that is stronger than anything you ever imagined could live in there, and without the sunlight flowing down now, you may be feeling stagnated and dark, and unable to see the light that lies ahead of you.

Such is the case with all living things when a part has been removed. But, know this, it has not been removed, only the stimulus that made you aware of it's existence has been removed. That potential for happiness, that sense of self, is still there inside you, but you need to heal a bit before you will feel it again. We never forget things we learn about ourselves, we may have to nuture and coddle them for a bit if we are wounded, but they are still there, waiting for the day when we are able to embrace them again.

There are many things I could say past this, but I will say only this .... "Don't give up on ... you"

Bunnie • Feb 21, 2021

We dive deeper into these realms. We allow ourselves to be more receptive. Whatever the reason, experiences here can seem surprisingly intense in such a short amount of time.

I don’t particularly pay attention to time in the realms of BDSM anymore, I simply go by how I’m feeling. When I say this though, I mean really paying attention and observing. Why did you want to jump in so fast so soon? Why are you struggling so much now? What is it that he was feeding? What is it that you are seeking? Ask yourself questions and observe the answers.

Your experience awakened something in you, and you’re now in an amazing position of being able to explore that and come to know yourself that bit better. Endings always hurt, but it’s not the finish line. You can still explore on your own. Use this as the gift it was, thank him (silently) for that gift, and allow your heart to heal whilst also reading and learning about this beautiful thing we call submission and how it sits within you.

Exquisite​(sub female) • Feb 21, 2021

Hi Raven,

I am sorry that your experiencing such heartbreak and I can’t say to you that within your next moment everything will be alright although I would love too!

There’s never a straight answer to “pain of the heart”, however I can say this is not the time to make drastic decisions and if you would like I’m available in Bond to text too.

I’ve been a Submissive since I was 19 now 47. I’m sure there’s a lot we can text about and maybe I can assist or at the very least be an ear for you

Ravine​(sub female){NotLooking} • Feb 22, 2021

I wanted to thank everyone who took the time to read and reply to my message.. Those who did it on here and helped with their marvellous, deep insights, and those who reached out to me privately.
I was a bit reluctant in sharing such a private matter, but now I'm so glad I did! I feel the love and the support, thank you all!