| magicandmischief |
3 years ago •
Feb 26, 2021
Zedland wrote: I would suggest changing the context of the conversation. Away from missing something in your relationship to wanting more of him. More of his control, more of him indulging his darker desires, more of him showing just what a fine specimen of the male sex he is. Watch some kinky porn together and see if it sparks any of his interest. We men are simple creatures and infinitely susceptible to manipulation.
But you must also consider the possibility that not everyone is a Dom in waiting. But this is just my two cents. A very good point, I know i need to work on my phrasing because I can accidentally speak without thinking but I am equally guilty of the reverse and overthinking to the extreme too. Porn isn't a bad idea, im more of a book porn person and I was trying to suggest us reading erotica together but maybe ill start with videos. I do accept that he may not be a dom in waiting, and I've been thinking more about how while he does have dominant tendencies and takes control, uses restraints, light impact play etc. I don't think he would want that all the time or even most of the time. I would be happy with that, I love him too much to let him go and I dont *think* this would be the end for us if it came down to it, but I guess i just want it some of the time? |
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Dominus eius(dom male){LittleLott}
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3 years ago •
Feb 26, 2021
magicandmischief
We are in a similar position to you (15 years together) - have been pretty much locked down for a year. In fact both working full time in the same room (and homeschooling for much of it). Our relationship is also stronger than it ever has been and it’s a wonderful place to be. We have also taken this opportunity to expand our D/s relationship and are now weaving it through our life on a 24/7 basis and also have made it more “formal” in our sex life - rather than just happening to be what we did. It’s not been without the odd little slip here and there. Reading one of the other responses, I can echo that there’s been the odd thing I’ve requested that’s resulted in laughter rather than obedience. This though, is us both learning and growing into our dynamic. However, there is, I believe, a key difference. This is something that we both want and naturally have interest in. I would echo some of the advice above. Open and honest discussions between you are crucial. As is an understanding, by yourself, of what is more important - as you may have to make a choice. Is the vanilla relationship worth more to you than D/s? Your partner may just not have it as part of their character to step into that role - they may feel a lot of pressure and worry at that too. Scared that if they don’t agree to this what will it do to your relationship. Worried that if they try it and don’t like it, or can’t do it - how will that impact your relationship. I advise taking it slow, cautiously and lots of open discussions. If I can help, or you have more questions, happy for you to reach out. Just keep in mind, this is all just my thoughts and opinions. Others will think differently. |
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| Jersey Firewalker(dom male) |
3 years ago •
Feb 26, 2021
The difficult thing in a situation like this is: how do you bring up a topic like this without the request sounding like a criticism?
You want to try something new. He interprets your request as a complaint about his ability to please you. He becomes defensive and withdrawn, and in the back of his mind he thinks you might be... (fill in the blank), right? So, I think you need to move slowly, but don't give up. He will open up if he thinks it is safe to do so, but being pressured will just make him clam up even more. Marriage is give & take. He won't take it well if your request sounds like you are unhappy with him, and that is perfectly reasonable. If you phrase it so that he thinks you still love him and want to do something new and exciting, then he will be inclined to try it. |
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| magicandmischief |
3 years ago •
Feb 26, 2021
Dominus eius wrote: However, there is, I believe, a key difference. This is something that we both want and naturally have interest in. I would echo some of the advice above. Open and honest discussions between you are crucial. As is an understanding, by yourself, of what is more important - as you may have to make a choice. Is the vanilla relationship worth more to you than D/s? Your partner may just not have it as part of their character to step into that role - they may feel a lot of pressure and worry at that too. Scared that if they don’t agree to this what will it do to your relationship. Worried that if they try it and don’t like it, or can’t do it - how will that impact your relationship. I advise taking it slow, cautiously and lots of open discussions. If I can help, or you have more questions, happy for you to reach out. Yeah, so I've been talking this out in DMs with someone and its clicked for me that really what I want is for him to take initiative. We do play with elements of D/s now, but its often on my suggestion and I have more knowledge so im not fully submitting because I still retain some of the control in suggesting things if that makes sense? He currently doesn't have the capacity to direct a scene because he doesn't have the knowledge and its v much on me to make suggestions. I guess I'm trying to encourage him to look into it more? I do genuinely think its something he would be interested in but also that's totally not my call and I know that he may not be suited to it. I'm not a premium member so I cant private message but if you do have any advice and would like to speak to me directly, pls get in touch! |
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sir james ladies(sub female){oh yes ple}
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3 years ago •
Feb 26, 2021
Hi my name is Mari
It is known that in the beginning sir James had trouble seeing me as a sub. we do have the upper hand in becoming a sub and making a Dom come to see us as their sub. and it starts with us. I would suggest start with finding out if he is Dominant to begin with. first dress the part as we age in a relationship we get comfortable and wear things at home that we feel comfortable in but may not bring out our sexy, change that wear things that make you feel sexy then use our words when he asks for some thing respond with yes sir or coming sir or and if you are together say in the living room sit at his feet if he reaches for you always turn to him so there is no mistake you are offering yourself to him and wait for him to ask what's going on believe me he will then and only then tell him you want him to just take you and don't be gentile he will or he won't but it will tell you if he is a Dom. If he is let me know in private mail and I well tell you how I got sir James to stop looking at me like a little girl and finally a woman. |
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OraclePollon(sub female){NotYours}
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3 years ago •
Feb 26, 2021
Thank you, this is all really helpful advice. I'm generally a very anxious person as it is so the initial resistance has done very little to build my confidence so I guess I'm kind of looking for baby steps to build up to bigger conversations if that makes sense?[/quote]
Hey M&M, I just want to say congratulations, I am (not that I matter AT ALL) super proud that you want to keep your marriage as strong as it is! I know it can seem overwhelming when people say that "maybe you have grown apart" when all you want is ways to get closer. I am not blameless. I have left a 12 year relationship (and others...) to pursue more of the physical aspects of who I am, but also I was missing that deep connection in the everyday realm. When you find that, don't give it up! So kudos!! The physical is what? Less than 5% of the time? Even the 24/7 dynamic is not barking orders 24 hours a day, especially once you have you dynamic routine down. So again! I am super happy for you, you found your everything, that just needs some tweaking. Taking control in the bedroom is not easy. Think about it, if you had to say "put your mouth here, do this, do that" all the time, not everyone likes to do that. I sure don't, but I need that direction on the other end. As per getting him to read more, I am having those same troubles, have you tried swapping out his newspaper with a kink magazine? OR!!! Put one in the bathroom... men read anything within reach on the toilet. Lol. Just find some articles you like, and throw them around. He will read them, I am fairly sure! Good luck! You are doing great, and coming from the right place!  
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| magicandmischief |
3 years ago •
Feb 27, 2021
Thanks Oracle, I really appreciate that - do you have any kinky mag recs? I've been looking online but it would be great to hear some personal faves!
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