How to I find a Mistress without getting scammed

How to I find a Mistress without getting scammed

subslutdave​(sub male) • Jan 22, 2021

Tried one of the BDSM dating sites and twice to sucked in by scammers. How can I find someone to teachme to be a proper sub without have them try and take my money

Ms MaryJane{NOT LOOKIN} • Jan 22, 2021

Well, I feel you should be educating yourself not just relying on a Domme to "teach" you. There are great articles here and podcasts to start your learning journey. Of course ask questions about certain things. Take your learning into your own hands to learn about what kind of submissive you are.
We have all done and continue on our learning journeys in this lifestyle as there is always new things to learn.

House Talion​(dom male) • Jan 22, 2021

Simply put, if they say they want/need your money then they're not the mistress for you. Plus such a thing needs time and understanding. If you pay for that then you might as well pay for sex. They finding someone that wants to know you for you outside of the lifestyle

DrWakko • Jan 23, 2021

When munches and events start happening go to them. Its a lot harder to be fake or a scammer in public... someone will call you out and it will probably be sooner than later. And no munches and events are 100% free of scammers nor will they ever be.

Byrdie​(switch female){rl only} • Jan 23, 2021

^^^ I came here to post this.

Seriously, where there are events, you're going to find more lifestyles. Granted, there will also be the odd pro or scammer, but not nearly to the degree that folks encounter them online.

There are some online munches and kinky conferences nowadays, but I agree with what's been posted here: find the threads about recommended reading lists and podcasts, maybe take a look at videos on Kink Academy if you feel like shelling out a little, to prepare yourself for when it's safe to mix and mingle again. And then - out to the munches and events with you!

How to find a non-scammer online? Um. *Everyone* gets hit up by a scammer, or someone who doesn't bother reading profiles, or ... whatever.

I've met two entirely different guys through kink resources who tried running cons on me - both of them were just similar enough in their patterns (dominating the conversation, then later claiming to be in love with me when I'd barely gotten a word in edgewise; claiming to have vaped at some point because they were "scared", etc.) that it makes me wonder if they'd read some of the same "how to pick a target for a scam" material. It's not often that I meet a walking installments from a reality TV show, but these two guys were very special episodes.

You may meet scammers. IMHO, the best way to handle them is - unless you're bored or curious - just shut them down quickly and politely and move on. Having a giant hissy where potential partners can see it either in person or online can get people moving away *from you*, even if you think the other party had it coming

(The same with having a no-pros / no scammers / no fin-dommes rant in one's profile. I've seen this from a lot of folks in your position, and it's not a good look. If such writing must exist, maybe make it blog post instead? Having a bunch of negatives in ones profile can turn off people who don't qualify as those you're against, just because the writer comes off as being just plain hostile.)

Learn, try to be selective without having a tantrum, explore, and when safe: get out and meet groups. I think you'll be fine.

Bad Kitty Ohio​(dom female) • Mar 5, 2021

I am a mistress and I never ask for money. I am just the opposite. I spoil my subs.

MzBrooks • Mar 5, 2021

im a mistress and i make sure my sub is very free and comfortable thats the fun

LeashCalledLove​(sub male){__________} • Mar 5, 2021

Well you are learning, just the hard way.

This is easier advice for me to dole out than to actually follow, but like anything in life, you have to be willing to put in the effort and the patience to wait and still that might not be enough.

Repeating what a lot of others have already said: getting involved in your regional scene through munches is the best way to make kinky connections for the future. No guarantee that you'll find your Mistress, but chances are you'll make new friends with like-minded people and learn some new things.

Good luck, man. Getting scammed/approached by scammers really can take the wind out of your sails.

latexbondagebunny​(other male) • Mar 5, 2021

Amen DrWakko, I found my wife at one our local munches and have seen multiple long term connection made at them over the years.We have been together for close to 20 years.

Patience is your best friend in this. Patience and Honest communication. ( And hopely more than a spark of Chemistry. )


Take Care,
Latty

MstressWhipplash​(dom female) • Mar 19, 2021

Self educate first including joining Fetlife.com and posting questions in groups where Dominant Women post.

Don't place personal adverts no one takes them seriously.

Do use your manners and get to know her by discussing non kink subjects.

IF she has a Web site listing her services and appointments she is a ProDomme.

If she has "Spoil me" she is usually a FinDomme (an actual mutually consenting kink)

Do put clearly on your profiles what you offer and what you seek avoiding photos of your pink bits.


Mistress Whipplash Ma'am