Specialization and Role Filling

Specialization and Role Filling

MisterAshmodai​(dom male) • Mar 10, 2021

Throughout my time as an active practitioner of BDSM, I have had a handful of partners who I have engaged either in the pretense of filling a role for them (something in their current life is missing or otherwise unfulfilled, I.e. with another (primary) partner), or as a facilitator for a fantasy of theirs; some fetish that falls within my area of expertise, though not necessarily something they feel that is problematically missing from their life.

I am curious about the general opinion on these practices as well as anyone who has taken part in similar situations.

House Talion​(dom male) • Mar 10, 2021

To just fill a roll and never keep to your specific kind or style of relationship makes me question if you are of the lifestyle or is it just a kink or fetishes to you.

MisterAshmodai​(dom male) • Mar 10, 2021

Is the lifestyle withheld to a single pursuit, or could the idea of filling every moment with a variety of experiences also be a valid lifestyle in the kink community?

For as long as I can remember, I have been a textbook polymath; always curious, always doing something, widely varied in my interests, and rapidly competent in any endeavor I pursue.

Over the last decade, I have learned that success in an endeavor should not be measured by the time you devote to it or how much of your attention is required to complete it, but by how well you do it. I have found that this applies to relationships, both kinky and vanilla.

To believe that lifestyle kink is defined so acutely seems to imply that we are all looking for the same thing, not to mention approaching with the same level of understanding.

MisterAshmodai​(dom male) • Mar 10, 2021

The kink lifestyle is really just taking what you are already doing and applying kinks and fetishes to it. Perhaps not the most romantic definition, but romance is a momentary mindset and can be compartmentalized for the sake of making a logically sound argument.
To say that the lifestyle is sticking to your particular style and interests makes sense, but what if you have many interests?
What if you have many kinks, and you have multiple partners, none of whom fill every one of those kinks? Partners who would do anything to join you in these pursuits, but are unable to fit one reason or another.
(Now, let’s include the awareness that these partners share your non-monogamous mindset and there is no issue with you seeking out other partners. The end result here is compersion.)

You meet other people who have other partners who do not fulfill all of their kinks, for one reason or another, and you start a relationship with them. They are happy and fulfilled in every other aspect with their partner, and now, the two of you have the specific kinks you share and the relationship you build around that. There are other connections between you as befits your wants and desires, but the foundation of the relationship is based in this shared kink.

How is this not lifestyle?

Bunnie • Mar 11, 2021

I have spoken with men who said that they explored degradation and humiliation because a female had asked them to “do it to them,” yet they suggested that it didn’t necessarily do anything for them, or wasn’t particularly something they were interested in pursuing themselves.

I think this can walk a fine line. I’ve seen many circumstances where I’ve wondered how it is that the Top doesn’t simply feel like a dispenser.

MisterAshmodai​(dom male) • Mar 11, 2021

Degradation and humiliation are interesting concepts as, like with most kinks, they encompass many different elements. The power exchange that comes with this play can be on a level other than that found with pain play or service play or anything else. The actual means by which humiliation in particular is carried out may appeal to someone who is not driven by the humiliation itself.
However, I share your view of the idea of filling a role that you have no particular interest in yourself. I would not undertake something I did not have at least some interest in, and the connection in general would have to appeal to me in some way. Otherwise, there simply isn’t enough time in the day.