sub fatigue or something deeper? advice sought

sub fatigue or something deeper? advice sought

ellefire​(sub female) • Mar 23, 2021

Let me preface this by saying that I LOVE having tasks and rules and things I'm supposed to do for my Sir. It is what "makes" a D/s dynamic for me, far more than kinky sex (though I do adore play time as well!). So what does it mean if I'm feeling resistant to actually doing the things? So far I've come up with a couple of possible/likely reasons. 1) I'm testing boundaries, seeing how he responds; 2) I'm just human and tired and need a little break. There are others of course, but these are the first two that come to mind.

I know that no one else can tell me what is going on in my head, and I know that Sir and I need to talk about this, and we most certainly will. But I find it so helpful to get different perspectives and could use some insight here.

House Talion​(dom male) • Mar 23, 2021

If you were testing him you'd probably be more aware of it so its probably just that you're human

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Mar 23, 2021

Tony Robbins said in one of his presentations that all things come down to pleasure or pain. Not as we would define it here but in the most basic terms.

For example, its a pain to do your taxes, but then time runs out and its a bigger pain to think you are going to get fined so you do your taxes. Then you feel pleasure for having it "off your plate"

Someone might complain all the time and seem long-suffering. But in truth, they love the role of victim and the attention and sympathy it gets them. (Not a reference to you)

And it can also be honest and not contrived. Relationships can be that way.

So (guess here) you might have derived great pleasure from doing things for your Sir but over time that changed. Maybe he/she isn't noticing as much. Maybe it's no longer a thrill to do some tasks. Maybe you are pushing yourself to be super sub and now it's just getting too hard.

Those who top from the bottom (resistance or being difficult) are usually not just acting out to be a pain in the butt. There is always something deeper going on.

I would say you need to talk to your Sir and be specific about what is working or not working. Relationships do change. As does our appetite for what pleases us, and sometimes we react to that change internally before we cognitively recognize it.

The most enviable and long lasting relationships I've been up close to (lifestyle and vanilla) always included candid and unfiltered (but respectful) hot wash sessions. Where the two or more people look at what they did together and evaluate what parts worked and what parts didn't.

It's common in business but effective in most settings where you have trust and communication.

Good luck with it.
H*

Tthomas • Mar 24, 2021

Maybe there is another possibility.
Is it possible you are in a rut?
Maybe in need of a jolt?

On long trips in the past I have had the sub travel without cloths., play with herself while on the road, stroke me while I am driving. After a while these things lost there excitement for her.

One of the ways I solved this was to get off the beaten path.
I drove on narrow paved roads then on dirt roads. I took her
in the woods far enough where we were a good distance from
The car. I hand her bend over at the waist and handcuff her to
a low branch. I told her that since she was acting bored that I
was going to leave her there to think about it and I was going
to lunch. I put a hood on her and walked away. Walked about
40 yards and sat on a hill to watch her. After about a hour I
Walked back. She could not tell it was me, and had my way
With her. When I removed the hood there was a mix of relief,
excitement and joy. Made the rest of the trip more enjoyable.

Maybe you need a bump or jolt from the everyday chores? Something that will let you know that it’s just not going to be the same old same old every week. I hope this helps.

PERITUS ARCUS​(dom male) • Mar 25, 2021

It could be you are always chasing bigger and/or different highs.

It can be quite tough for a D to think of new angles all the time and he might as tired or jaded as you.

Avoiding this mutual depreciation between D and s is a tricky path.

There is also nothing wrong in an s letting her D know things that she might be finding a turn on for her at any given time. It might be a one off or a whole new development.

My current s has come up with things that frankly I would not have thought of or would have felt it was too extreme a deviation from what I had imagined was respectful to her limits.

There are 2 in the relationship so the ability for an s to be able to openly discuss things from her perspective to me is to be discouraged. You may need to agree its outside of mmnormal play or 24/7 lifestyle, but it allows potential to strike off in different directions.

Miki • Mar 28, 2021

Slightly different tilt on this:

Definitely sub fatigue-- or in my case maso-girl fatigue for me. It just doesn't bake my cake like it used to, and I'm not even in a relationship.

Could be I've just been at it too long.

Hell, I'm not even in here half as much as I used to be, let alone playing with IRL friends. I scan the forums and simply don't see much I can add anything to. It just seems so "same" to me.

That's not knocking the (mostly) wonderful people in here, or those IRL who are into it. It's just me.

I may even vanish from here for a spell, take a break, and assess the situation.

I already toasted a bridge (which may have been "a bridge too far" anyway) -- because I didn't think I could put in the effort it called for.