How to find an experienced Dom？

How to find an experienced Dom？

Atina​(sub female) • Apr 7, 2021

As a brand new sub, I wonder how to find an experienced dom offline？
How do you usually get to the community after you move to a new place？
thx

Coolguyclayton • Apr 7, 2021

Hey message me.

House Talion​(dom male) • Apr 7, 2021

Post an ad, link it to your profile, ask questions in the forums, search for a Dom of your standards.

Miki​(masochist female) • Apr 7, 2021

... And once we finally get past this COVID bullshit, depending on whether you live near a decent size city of course, look up "munches". Go, see what you can see, meet several people and talk, talk talk! Some doms are good, others are looking for a quick fix for their needs and still others aren't sure this is even what they want.

It's just like any other relationship in that a lot of trial and error is involved.

Good luck..

Oh and be ready. Since you wrote that, your Inbox will be blown to pieces with offers. Some good, others the "insta Dom" type, and still others... too far away to seriously consider unless you're the mobile sort who can relocate at the drop of a hat.

Best brief advice... "Bide your time and beware of the asshats!"

SageFlame​(sub female) • Apr 7, 2021

Continue to develope your standards. Hone in on your true north. Trust your gut. Don't rush into the dynamic, consistent behavior can only been seen over time. ( and what behavior do you want to see?)

Experience is relative. Being a Dom for decades doesn't mean his/ her experience matches your needs or desires. An experienced Dom with a selfish heart is costly. A less experienced Dom with good intentions is of benefit. ( insert personal preference)

Trial and error is part of the process.
Anyone want to chime in on this?

P.S. I second Miki's advice.

CSI • Apr 7, 2021

Off line, generally find munches or attend parties in local dungeons. Might have to start on-line and see what is available in your area. But before you do any of that, please make sure you research sub frenzy and vetting and know the steps you need to take to make yourself as safe as humanly possible. It is absolutely a heady experience that can be intoxicating and you can get in over your head in no time. Oh, and I generally wouldn't message someone who says "message me," "you are mine," "I want you", "you are the only one for me," or demands honorifics, instant submission, nudes, or just asking or pressuring you to be untrue to who you are.

AdamDragon​(dom male) • Apr 7, 2021

i have to agree with CSI, responding to a demanding message as such only opens a very unstable and lifeless door. Sooner or later truth revealed and then comes the hurt and anguish. Look to your community, search out "bdsm munches near me". If you have any specific types of clubs nearby, try reaching out that way. Also, believe it or not look to the biker community, you will be amazed at how respectfully helpful they can be. Just keep your spidey senses on point...you will prevail!

MrFulmen • Apr 7, 2021

A good way to find local community is to go on Fetlife.com, use the "Places" tab to find the nearest sizable town to where you live, and look for groups and events associated with that place.

For getting connected with that community, several folks have advised you to take things slow, and I agree. If you go to social events with an eye toward building community rather than finding a partner right away, you can create a solid base of friends and acquaintances that makes enjoying kink and finding quality partners much easier.

Regardless of their role, folks with more expertise, wisdom and maturity tend not to be the ones who pounce on newcomers. They've learned better. Slow down and get to know people as people, give them a chance to get to know you, and they will reveal themselves.

NCarraway​(dom male) • Apr 7, 2021

Here is my opinion miss:

One of the best things I did in my kink life was to get social in my local kink scene. I thought I was attending munches to look for a partner but it turns out, and I have a few years experience of this now, munches are not a great place to go in search if a new partner.

What i did find at munches was however far better. I found acceptance, friendship, comraderie, and a sense that I am no longer alone in this endeavour. The partners may come and go but this network of friends that I was able to build around me, this support network, they will sustain me. I found that by getting involved locally I found myself, I grew more comfortable with who I was and wanted to be, and all of the pressure fell away at once. It was no longer 'I must find a partner, I am not complete till I find a partner'' and it became much more 'this is fucking awesome, I love my life'. When you reach that point wonderful stuff just happens .

So, yes, munches and meetups, educational kink classes, build that network. I suggest that you don't advertise. This place is full on undesirables and has fewer decent options so I suggest finding ways of tipping that ratio in your favour. Advertising I would think attracts more lowlife than decent so works against you. I suggest that you track down people you find interesting either through profiles, forums, blogs or comments, and just make a connection. Something along the lines of 'hi, I saw this, it made me think you would be interesting to talk to, would you have time to talk?' or some such approach. That way you are prefiltering for some level of openess to communication (they are already open by their profile writing etc). Three things might happen: they might ignore you (I never ignore a respectful approach), you make a friend or learn something, or maybe just maybe something wonderful develops.

I say take the pressure off yourself, find your kink support network and maybe one of those friendships develops into something more. Either way your life will be fucking awesome

BNJRDSL​(dom male) • Apr 8, 2021

RIP To your inbox lol
Filled with Doms now : - ) lol