How/when to talk about the stay at home role?

LeashCalledLove(sub male){__________}

3 years ago • Mar 29, 2021

insidestraight wrote:

I just realized I semi-necro-ed a two month old thread. I think LCL conveyed what I was trying to say, but with more detail and nuance. It looks like Shadows was trying to convey a dislike of sub's becoming a sponge, and I agree, that is definitely a concern in any relationship. Personally I find it best if both partners bring the most they can to a relationship and say if She treats me to say a coffee, I get her one next time

I think you posted while I was drafting my response, sorry I missed it initially or I would have tried to avoid retreading the ideas you already introduced!

The idea of working a part-time/stay at home job, or even a different shift as way to augment financial stability along with being the caretaker of the domicile is a great way to consolidate and something I would absolutely love to do in an arrangement

Miki(masochist female)

3 years ago • Mar 31, 2021

Establish a relationship first. I know it might be a wash for you if the other ends up not being keen on the idea, especially in today's economy where it's almost incumbent on a couple of any stripe to both work, even if it's just the two of them.

But still, it's not somethng you want to broach right out of the box. A relationship's dynamic always changes. It could be they will be opposed to such an arrangement at first, being concerned about "a gold-digger move" as someone wrote on the other page, but once the dynamic matures it could be something that's on the table.

But the other would have to be rather well-heeled to be comfortable with this.

[Truth to tell, that's why I don't do relationships in the first place. It's always less stressful to earn bread for one.]

SageFlame(sub female)

3 years ago • Apr 8, 2021

Okay, so this butts up against some of the edges of life as a couple.

As time goes on, civilization and social norms morph but the needs do not.
Food, shelter, belonging, acceptance, safety, purpose, connection, contribution and maybe self actualization to boot! Finding a cohesive union where your personal growth and aspirations are supported mutually is like ... wow not impossible but takes devotion on both ends.

My advise to you is to explore your desire. To get to the root of what need it would satisfy. What sparks those happy thoughts?

I'm saying this because all too often we look to have our needs filled by someone else. What needs am I referring to?

Validation
Purpose
To be seen
To be cared for

When we can see and accept ourselves truly it doesn't matter if no one else does. However, if we only see what others validate ( or don't validate) then we place our happiness is in the control of others. This most often leads to unhappiness to say the least.

It may seem like I'm going down a rabbit trail but part of my advice is for you to be able to financially support yourself. To be able to dream and fulfill those dreams. Even if your main pursuits are domestic, trust me when I tell you not all your dreams can come true by staying home.

I have seen time and time again women who were in financial ruin after their partner left or died because they didn't know how to make a living or even pay bills. Also men who, after their partner left or died, didn't know how to cook a healthy meal, make a grocery list , do laundry or even iron a shirt. This is my personal opinion but no one should reach adulthood without these basic skills. Know how to take care of yourself.
( stepping off soapbox now. . .)

I say all this to answer - first be able to support yourself, know why you want your particular arrangement and define your goals.

Then bring it to the table.

" Honey, I have something important to share..."

BNJRDSL(dom male)

3 years ago • Apr 8, 2021

From a relationship standpoint:
So long as you both are on the same page, I do not see anything wrong with it.
I know some Doms (myself included) enjoy/prefer that. However, I strongly desire to be the one to bring it up.
When you and your partner feel it is right (depending on how your relationship is set up) would be a good conversation to have.

From a financial standpoint:
only you guys know your situation, so I cannot comment.

From a General Standpoint:
So long as there is benefits on both ends why not? Meaning, I am sure there are strong contributions you can make to "staying at home"

Just my thoughts