MissBonnie(dom female){oz}
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3 years ago •
Apr 20, 2021
Miki wrote: Non-sexual slave??? Bite your tongue.. What would be the point?
I know, I know, they're out there, but to find one of them for this character is a mighty tall order. For me it would be like being taken to a fancy restaurant but only being interested in a slice of crappy toast with a glass of water. But That's Just Me..... LOL again stop making me laugh lady! (laughing in a good way) They are out there. I've had a few (although it wasn't my limit, it was theirs and yeah it is rare). I'm a sadist and they had life partner Dommes that didn't enjoy to take them in that fashion. So I used to push there limits and they would go home all hot and bothered to their partners. I was happy and so where the other Dom/mes. it worked for us and the sub. I'd also then not be so hard on my primary and he had healing time. WIN WIN. It does take a little work and you need to 100% transparent with ALL parties involved. For the OP: Another option is play parties or clubs for your Dom if "ownership" is an issue. He might enjoy it and you could watch knowing what is going on. Knowing he will not be leaving with them. Knowing it has a start and finish. Who knows maybe seeing him do it others, you might get more of interest in it but at the very least he has an outlet and you are not doing what you dislike just to keep the piece (or to keep him happy because he is not hearing you). there is also the option of pay to play subs. |
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Online now
| Kelpi |
3 years ago •
Apr 20, 2021
Understand That I am from a totaly different lace than he is so he I go. I have been trained to take no as no and that ends it all. I have been in some heavy situations and been told either no or stop and that was all she had to say. I push where I can but understand boundaries. I have seen to many who have been pushed farther and gotten hurt and the excuse was "but I love him and want to make him happy". OK make him happy and you just curl up and cry because he does not respect you or the more he pushes and you give in the worse it gets. Now you have to choose him or your sanity. Is your love for him so great you are willing to sink lower into the shell your building or will you just let him know you have boundaries and they need to be respected.
I may sound harsh but I have seen a good woman become a bar slut because he wanted a sub then a slave and it went to the point he just let anyone use her. Then when she got an STD it was her fault and he kicked her out. If you never get to watch a friend have their stomach pumped and then try to talk to them as the cussed you because you did not leave them alone to die count your blessings. I am sorry I am not helping much but I have watched it to often. Please talk to him and stand up for your boundaries. Do not become a number on someone's chart. |
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| enigmatic |
3 years ago •
Apr 20, 2021
House Talion wrote: Are you open to helping him find a slave? Even if you're monogomous it may be possible for him to have a nonsexual slave
I would be ok with him playing with someone else but it's not how he's built. |
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nuli(sub female){Unkolared}
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3 years ago •
Apr 20, 2021
enigmatic wrote: I told him from the start that humiliation is a hard limit. He said no problem, because he's not into that.
We just don't agree on what that means. A mild example is crawling on the floor. He says, and I believe him, that nothing he does is meant to humiliate me and its becoming clear that he thinks that settles it. Humiliation is subjective and I am the one to identify my feelings. I understand that for many, bdsm naturally involves humiliation and that is hot for many people. For me, a little goes a long way. This is becoming more interesting for him and I guess since he doesn't understand what it is or how it feels, it's like he's often pushing those limits. Thank you for helping me and easing my mind that I can say yellow when I need to Have you talked about what YOU consider humiliation and what he does? Each person has a different take on it. As for any scene not being a safe word type of scene. While i do not play with safe words ( i have them just don't use them as i know the Master i scene with knows me well enough to read me specially after i have begged to fly and am so gone i have no clue ) i have YET to see a scene that wasn't a safe word type of scene. If you are uncomfortable or he isn't "reading" your body language right then you should safe word out and talk about why |
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MissBonnie(dom female){oz}
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3 years ago •
Apr 20, 2021
I was just catching up on the replies and I thought of something that might help to you to both get on the same page since words are missing the mark. what about finding film examples of what you think is extreme or what you don't want and showing him. He could also do that same using good and bad examples. It might help you "both" put into words what you're "both" looking for.
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| enigmatic |
3 years ago •
Apr 20, 2021
nuli wrote: enigmatic wrote: I told him from the start that humiliation is a hard limit. He said no problem, because he's not into that.
We just don't agree on what that means. A mild example is crawling on the floor. He says, and I believe him, that nothing he does is meant to humiliate me and its becoming clear that he thinks that settles it. Humiliation is subjective and I am the one to identify my feelings. I understand that for many, bdsm naturally involves humiliation and that is hot for many people. For me, a little goes a long way. This is becoming more interesting for him and I guess since he doesn't understand what it is or how it feels, it's like he's often pushing those limits. Thank you for helping me and easing my mind that I can say yellow when I need to Have you talked about what YOU consider humiliation and what he does? Each person has a different take on it. As for any scene not being a safe word type of scene. While i do not play with safe words ( i have them just don't use them as i know the Master i scene with knows me well enough to read me specially after i have begged to fly and am so gone i have no clue ) i have YET to see a scene that wasn't a safe word type of scene. If you are uncomfortable or he isn't "reading" your body language right then you should safe word out and talk about why Yes, I have told him some things that feel humiliating and he has stayed away from them. However when he describes something that he would like but that I would find humiliating, I tend to just say it's on the no list, so I am not explaining to him when I could be. Now I am beginning to see that I have not explained enough about how I feel when he xyz, and what things do that. In fact, I have not told him what humiliation in general feels like to me. And I can't because it would wound him. He is loving and sensitive, and probably goes along thinking things are good, not having been given any other feedback on a specific act. I don't judge his kinks at all. And for me to say there are things that make me feel like crying and things that make me feel nauseous would hurt him. That is what I feel when something is degrading. He may just think they are turn offs for me. I've learned some things in this thread and have looked at my own actions, or lack of. I am an introvert and don't talk as most women do, and I need to try more. |
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Jack of all doms(dom male)
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3 years ago •
Apr 22, 2021
Your partner should want to know this enigmatic wrote: I told him from the start that humiliation is a hard limit. He said no problem, because he's not into that.
We just don't agree on what that means. A mild example is crawling on the floor. He says, and I believe him, that nothing he does is meant to humiliate me and its becoming clear that he thinks that settles it. I think you've hit the nail on the head here. You've discussed this but the problem is your interpretation of that discussion needs further refinement. As others have said, there is nothing wrong or bad about revisting your previous discussion. Any relationship, not just a sexual one, is a ongoing negotiation, and there is you shouldn be able to approach the other person respectfully and sincerely to discuss any topic. If your partner cares for you they will want to hear from you about anything you're uncomfortable with because they should be as interested in your happiness and satisfaction at least as much as their own. If your partner doesn't want to hear this then you should seriously question the reasons why you are with this person. |
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SirsBabyDoll(sub female){Pizza+☕}
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3 years ago •
Apr 22, 2021
enigmatic wrote: Yes, I have told him some things that feel humiliating and he has stayed away from them. However when he describes something that he would like but that I would find humiliating, I tend to just say it's on the no list, so I am not explaining to him when I could be. Now I am beginning to see that I have not explained enough about how I feel when he xyz, and what things do that. In fact, I have not told him what humiliation in general feels like to me. And I can't because it would wound him. He is loving and sensitive, and probably goes along thinking things are good, not having been given any other feedback on a specific act. I don't judge his kinks at all. And for me to say there are things that make me feel like crying and things that make me feel nauseous would hurt him. That is what I feel when something is degrading. He may just think they are turn offs for me. I've learned some things in this thread and have looked at my own actions, or lack of. I am an introvert and don't talk as most women do, and I need to try more. What I'm about to say my hurt, and I'm sorry for that but it MUST be asked.... You said that you do not want to hurt him and that is admirable, however, have you given any thought as to how he will feel when he finds out that you have kept your pain to yourself and NOT told him, this allowing yourself to be unintentionally emotinally scarred??? You NEED to talk to Jim, before it gets any further. If you won't do it for your sake, do it for his. Talk to Him! He would WANT to know! He wants to bring you pleasure! Not pain! By not discussing it with him, you are denying him that gift, to YOU. You are his.property so take care of it the way that he expects and that means not allowing ANYONE, including him, to cause damage. |
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IowaDom(dom male)
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3 years ago •
Apr 22, 2021
Its very hard to get the full picture from a glimpse, but imho, a couple things stand out clearly:
1. He either did not know or did not disclose what he truly wanted, seems to he may have spent a good deal of time telling you what you wanted to hear, and now suddenly his desires, kinks, and preferances have all changed? More likely you are just now encountering some truth. And of that scares you, GOOD! It should! 2. No safewords? MAJOR RED LIGHT - they are not just a playtime convenience, they need to be in place to PROTECT you, to keep you (and your dynamic) safe from harm or damage. Being able to stop the scene, for ANY REASON, is a huge part of the trust you place in a Dom when you ente3r into a scene with them, without it, he is just using you imho. 3. You cannot be what you are not - that is not submission, it is just overbearing hyper control. And by doing so, you are denying YOU 4. You are prolly not experiencing "some kind of fear" in regards to another scene. It's called "fight or flight" more likely, and it is part of your nature as a human being, that little voice ... is it really saying "be careful" or is it saying ... "RUN LIKE HELL"!!! So you ask how to say what you need to say? imho - "Goodbye" rather sums it up nicely |
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