Why are there so many super young women grooming themselves for a dark path?

Why are there so many super young women grooming themselves

Sithech​(dom male) • May 7, 2021

My question is why are there so many young women (ages 18-25) that seem to be self grooming or choosing a possibility very dangerous bdsm path ie. submissives seeking dom? The human brain does not stop physically developing until about 25 years of age. I read some of these adds or profiles and it seems there is a lot of self choice when it comes to the very hard aspects of bdsm. Of course trauma and abuse often go hand and hand in certain aspects of this lifestyle. A retaking back of a person's power or a quasi cathartic way to survive. The number of young women actively seeking this can not (atleast statistically) be all from the above mentioned cases. Thoughts? Insights? Educated opinions?

SageFlame​(sub female) • May 7, 2021

Historically, men and women married when old enough to produce offspring. This translates to sexual exploration before the brain finishes developing. Not unusual in the least, past or present.

The healthy emotional intelligence neccessary for the best experiences in this lifestyle is another topic altogether. Or is it?

The definition of abuse would be important to address. Healthy boundaries and self respect are all too often not part of our upbringing. Then we pass on those deficiencies to the next generation. Most of us don't have a full dose of needs met in childhood.

There are young men who are vulnerable as well. I have a casual friend who is in and out of relationships in which he is chewed up and spit out routinely by both men and women. " Dark experience " isnt reserved for young women to be sure. By the way, grooming can not be done to yourself. I've also seen plenty who would be vulnerable to predators too.

Let's keep sharing and offering helpful guidance. What else can we do? Life's lessons are learned the hard way.

I might add for good measure to be kind to newbies. Criticism will not help.

redpoll​(dom male) • May 7, 2021

I mean, there's a lot of truth to this post and your concern, but I think it's entirely problematic to view young women as being unable to participate in this lifestyle in a safe, meaningful, positive and healthy way. I've met quite a fair share of 18-20 year olds who are both more accomplished and more intelligent than I am, hell, I was just talking to one about Puritan literature and market socialism tonight. So, I think approaching young women as universally unprepared for the lifestyle is degrading and just isn't an approach to take seriously.

With that said, you are right, there are certainly those who are young, new to this lifestyle, without knowledge and vulnerable. There's no doubt that is true. But, I think you are again problematic in viewing the moral responsibility to be primarily on these young women when they are taken advantage of. I know when I was that age, I was clueless and blindly stumbling around in kink, but it was a part of me and it needed to be expressed. It deserved to be expressed. I had a few unfortunate encounters and learning experiences where I was fortunate to come out healthy and okay. Those experiences don't detract from the fact that this was a part of my identity and it was right for me to seek expression for it. It's on us who are experienced, knowledgeable and more mature in this community to create a safe, comfortable, positive, welcoming environment to those who are new and clueless. We need to be strong in our condemnation of those who do take advantage of the vulnerable, and we need to comport ourselves with integrity and respect, upholding and valuing the personhood of all we encounter within this community and lifestyle, especially the vulnerable among us.

Let me repeat this point just so it is clear. There are certainly important lessons to learn about the precautions and considerations one needs to take to keep themselves safe in the aftermath of a harrowing encounter - but those who are taken advantage of and abused are just looking to trust, just looking to connect, just looking to love, and there is no sin in that. Where the sin lies is in the one who abuses, who takes advantage, who intentionally demeans and degrades another's dignity and personhood, and that is where our blame and concern should foremost be.

House Talion​(dom male) • May 7, 2021

So, you're concerned of the 'dark path' these youths are taking even though you're still on that same path? Owning to lead by example would make you the preacher that leaves or might you be the judge of many? Martyr yourself if needs be, but I seriously doubt any of these have sewn their path as dark as you deem fit and if any such could be the case there many others besides myself to guide them with the light of truth to what may be their best selves.

Re: Why are there so many super young women grooming themsel

FullCanadian​(switch male){MissB} • May 7, 2021

So far you have a strawman argument with three unsupported assumptions;

There are many young women self grooming.

Submissives seeking Dom's are on a very dangerous BDSM path.

The human brain does not stop developing until 25.


All unrelated, uncited, unsupported statements. You need to define self grooming and support the last two statements with facts.



Once again, you're assuming a link between this lifestyle and trauma and abuse that isn't backed up by any facts or citations. And you seem puzzled that some women don't fit into the box formed by these assumptions.

Young women explore their sexuality though BDSM for any number of reasons. They are not all driven by trauma or abuse, and many under 25 are capable of sustaining healthy dynamics. Any healthy dynamic should be founded on the enthusiastic, aware and ongoing consent of both parties.

Sasa​(dom female) • May 7, 2021

Here is an old post about when you realized you were kinky. If so many, and this has no gender, realized that in childhood "young" is relative. It is simply exploring who they are. Naturally, we do that with our sexuality.
I have no experience with abuse, and I'm careful with this term. I know that people are able to sexualisize experiences they had very early in their life. It is like something you want to explore to open or to close a chapter.

Aquilla{ • • •. [} • May 8, 2021

For me vanilla was the "dark path".
I know my kids are certainly more aware and knowledgeable about a lot of things I never even suspected in my youth. It took a long time for me to look back and realize that I was a kinky little kid, I didn't have the awareness, just the shame.
So if you can recognize your self in your sexual mirror at a young age I think that can be a good thing.

Kelpi • May 8, 2021

There are several reasons for this and mostly it is just a personal choice but we are living in the era of the sheep generation. Instead of thinking for ourselves people have begun to just follow the crowd on things. Take the 7 yr old boy who told his dad he wants to be a girl. When the courts got involved they found that when the boy was with his mom he played with dolls and acted like a princess but with his dad he was like a normal boy. Judge asked him about it and found out his mom had told him he was a girl in a boys body. Judge asked the child what he thought and the kids said flat out he liked being a boy. Mom was a liberal and followed her friends in making the kid into a girl because all her friends where doing it.
I would like to think in our world people just go to what attracts them and what they enjoy. This takes time for some as I am finding a dark side to myself I had to bottle up. For a few they find it right away and go for it. More than likely what you are seeing are those who have found I know how to control it and I know when to let it off the chain and run. This is the Ying to my Yang and I have found she enjoys both sides. They do seem to love her because of it. Far to often I found someone for one side but not the other. For far to long I have had to have two to keep them happy. Now as the Highlander said "there can be only one". We do seem to agree that she is the one.

djinni​(dom female){smplylaura} • May 8, 2021

You got a source for that tale there? Are you talking about this....

https://www.vox.com/platform/amp/identities/2019/11/11/20955059/luna-younger-transgender-child-custody

Your narrative doesn’t back up the facts in the least. Stop getting your stories from The Daily Wire. Also, not even remotely relevant to the thread and you are just using it to spread your transphobia.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • May 8, 2021

Sithech​(dom male)
"My question is why are there so many young women (ages 18-25) that seem to be self grooming or choosing a possibility very dangerous bdsm path ie. submissives seeking dom? The human brain does not stop physically developing until about 25 years of age."
............................................................... Scholarly journal from the NIH
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2892678/

Adolescent Maturity and the Brain:
The Promise and Pitfalls of Neuroscience Research in Adolescent Health Policy

In the last decade, a growing body of longitudinal neuroimaging research has demonstrated that adolescence is a period of continued brain growth and change, challenging longstanding assumptions that the brain was largely finished maturing by puberty [1–3]. The frontal lobes, home to key components of the neural circuitry underlying “executive functions” such as planning, working memory, and impulse control, are among the last areas of the brain to mature; they may not be fully developed until halfway through the third decade of life [2]. This finding has prompted interest in linking stage of neuromaturation to maturity of judgment. Indeed, the promise of a biological explanation for often puzzling adolescent health risk behavior has captured the attention of the media, parents, policymakers, and clinicians alike. Although such research is currently underway, many neuroscientists argue that empirical support for a causal relationship between neuro-maturational processes and real-world behavior is currently lacking [4].

Impulse control, response inhibition, and sensation seeking:

Among the many behavior changes that have been noted for teens, the three that are most robustly seen across cultures are: (1) increased novelty seeking; (2) increased risk taking; and (3) a social affiliation shift toward peer-based interactions [13]. This triad of behavior changes is seen not only in human beings but in nearly all social mammals [13]. Although the behaviors may lead to danger, they confer an evolutionary advantage by encouraging separation from the comfort and safety of the natal family, which decreases the chances of inbreeding. The behavior changes also foster the development and acquisition of independent survival skills [13].

……………..To ask why someone is acting a certain way when the only one to answer is the person taking part in the action who may not see your point is counterintuitive. This article from the NIH database talks about brain maturity. All science knows for sure is that brain maturity is not completed until sometime mid-twenties and for some, sometime in their 30’s.
Exploration is common and the Internet has made that easier than ever. Exploration unto itself in no way means the explorer is planning to stay or even that they understand or care about the risk.

A good friend of mine who is a lesbian spoke of college girls ‘exploring’ lesbianism this way. “Every college girl is a lesbian for a little while.” She was talking about her time in college and law school and the endless parade of young women who wanted to experience girl on girl.

There isn’t anything wrong with exploration. I would argue with the OP using the word self-grooming, however. I think you tossed out that phrase to sound a little more knowing than you needed to be.

People explore because they can. Some even drink and drive, and there is far more information out there about why that is a reckless behavior than is open to the vanilla public about our needs.

Still many adolescents and young adults (not to mention older ones) engage in drinking and driving. Even with totaled cars parked on high school lawns during prom week, can we only do so much to dissuade the determine prom goer. Or determined drinker.

Arguing risk is useless. Risk is what appeals most to some people. Look at any carnival ride. The bigger, badder and more terrifying the better.

Many young men approach me with titles that include the word Master. None of them understand or connect that word with having mastered something. None relate to the concept of working hard for a longtime and earning the title in the ways it means to some of us. They put it on like a hat and think or hope that a little slap, tickle and choking is all it takes.
Will some get hurt? Fer sure. Will some come looking for easy adventure and be taken advantage of? No doubt. Can we stop them? Some yes, some no. But it takes a lot of time, patience and tolerance to try because every no, wait or slow down you speak makes you the bad guy.

I’ve said before that when I was new and all bright and shiny, I was told that the longtime population of this realm measure to about 3 to 5% I thought that harsh back then. But in truth I’ve seen it play out often, with tons of ‘thru’ traffic and bedroom aficionados and tourists. Who all eventually fade off or storm out pissed off that this wasn’t the nirvana they decided it should be.

I agree SageFlame we should be kind to the newbies. (and firm) That is something I have dedicated years and hundreds of thousands of words to. In the end however, they must choose and often learn the hard way. Be that being hurt by a stranger, damaged in a car accident, or just disappointed by a greedy top type who wants their money and innocence not necessarily in that order.
H*