Differences between TiH, DD, and BDSM

Differences between TiH, DD, and BDSM

CSI • May 9, 2021

What are the main differences or similarities between Taken in Hand, Domestic Discipline, 1950's style and BDSM? Are they interrelated or all totally separate entities? Can they mesh well together or would some be at odds?

DrWakko • May 9, 2021

All of the above are part of the BDSM umbrella. Some terms like Taken in Hand I've heard used by Pagans into BDSM. Domestic Discipline is a form of punishment. 1950s household is a term used with service submission.

You can have all the above without BDSM.

No blowing smoke

MsTakeU • May 20, 2021

Cute Sexy Intelligent, hi,

My guess is you were asking a serious question and not looking for smoke blown up dark places.

In my experience Domestic Discipline (DD) Taken in Hand (TiH), and 1950's relationships are where one partner is in charge and rules are set for the other to comply with and punishment will be administered if not followed. This is a very simplistic way to explain the basics. On the other hand, no pun intended, BDSM is a larger compendium of acts and relationships.

There is a wonderful comparison that is in the Bad Girls Bible, which I'll share here. She does an amazing job of explaining.

For me, the basis of a DD/TiH and 1950's relationship is quite similar to a D/s relationship at a level where one is in charge and the other is serving. It's not so similar when the focus is on pain and punishment. Please take a look at what Bad Girl has written, she explains it all quite well.

Thank you for raising this topic, CSI.

Respectfully,

Ms. T.

https://badgirlsbible.com/domestic-discipline

What Is Domestic Discipline?

A domestic discipline relationship, also known as DD, is one in which the man/husband has more authority over his wife/submissive. He creates rules for her to abide by and can administer punishment if she fails to adhere to those rules in an attempt to maintain a healthy relationship and functioning household and protect the family. Typically (but not always), the punishment comes in the form of spanking, and flagellation is a common element in DD households.

Straight, monogamous couples are those who are the most likely to live a DD lifestyle, and these couples are often Christian who believe in the Bible has described the ideal household similar to those achieved/desired in domestic discipline.

Domestic discipline of often abbreviated to DD, and you’ll also see it shortened to CDD for Christian Domestic Discipline. Other terms include HOH, or head of household (the dominant man), and TiH, or taken in hand (the submissive woman).

DD Versus BDSM

Practitioners of domestic discipline are quick to point out that while spanking can be erotic in nature, it’s not the focus of DD. In fact, most couples try to avoid spanking because it’s a punishment and means that either the wife has done something wrong or communication has crumbled.

Similarly, people in domestic discipline relationships often spell out a difference between DD and BDSM. While domestic discipline includes power exchange, rules, and punishment (typically in the form of spanking), BDSM is a much more broad umbrella that covers a variety of erotica activities – everything from light bondage (read more here) to 24/7 relationships that require contracts. Folks who believe in DD may not engage in any other activities that fall under that umbrella, and they may even see other BDSM activities and relationships as sinful or wrong.

Other differences between BDSM and domestic discipline include who plays what roles. The dominant (HoH) is male in DD situations because it harkens to biblical principles in which the man was the head of the household and his wife and family were subservient to him. It’s up to him to make and enforce rules as the king of his domain.

But one similarly is that these relationships are entered into consensually. Each partner agrees to play their role and abide by the accompanying rules as well as participate in activities such as spanking that come along with domestic discipline. Just like BDSM (and any sexual activity), consent is key. Without consent, these situations could be considered abusive, but consent is the line in the sand that shows the clear divide between abuse and domestic discipline.

Because domestic discipline relationships require consent, one or both partners could revoke it or renegotiate the terms of the domestic discipline relationship if it no longer works for them. This is one way that the dominant/HoH has limited power; although, someone who is abusive would ignore those negotiations or revocation of consent.

Proponents of domestic discipline point out how it provides structure. There are clear rules and equally clear punishments for straying from those rules. Nothing is ambiguous, and this can make communicating easier. So, too, can the knowledge of repercussions for disobeying the rules help you remain on your best behavior.

How do you keep a system of checks and balances when it comes to a relationship structure that some people view as ordained by God?

Some DD couples do craft rules or responsibilities for the dominant/HoH, including those about how he governs his household. His power is not unlimited, and some DD partnerships have fewer rules than others, further limiting the husband’s authority. A couple may agree upon repercussions for the husband if he fails to protect and provide for his family.

Another element is the maintenance spanking, which is not done as a punishment. It can reconfirm the power exchange. A maintenance spanking typically occurs at a predetermined time (daily, weekly, bi-weekly, etc. ).

If you’re into the idea of domestic discipline because you enjoy your partner being the one who is in control or your relationship could use more structure, you’ll need to devise rules. They can be as numerous or few as you’d like. Similarly, they may be specific or vague, but you might find specific rules easier to follow.

Most rules in the DD lifestyle fall into the following categories.

Show respect
Be honest
Be sane
Obey
Take care of home/family/pets

Some people further explain those rules. So being honest might be “Be honest 100% of the time.” Or you may define that you must be polite all the time rather than just being respectful. The more specific the rule, the more likely it will be short term.

Additional rules may include journaling or blogging at a predetermined rate and allowing your HoH to read those entries, respecting any decision your man has made and keeping up with hygiene/appearance in a way that pleases him.

The HoH isn’t the only one to create rules, either. You can provide input if you think there’s a rule you need to add for yourself.

If you want to add rules for your husband, think of those that complement the rules for you. So if you must remain respectful, he must act in a way that would earn respect, so on and so forth. It’s his responsibility to keep you accountable and to remain calm.

For people with few rules or rules that are easy to remember, you may not need to write them down. However, a written domestic discipline contract both enables you and your man to consent while serving as a reminder of your rule, so there are no misunderstandings. You can also more easily negotiate rules when you know what they are.

We’re all human, and we all break the rules. What happens when rules are broken in a domestic discipline lifestyle? Your man must administer punishment as stated in your contract or agreed upon/ Spanking is a common punishment, and your contract may state specifically how many swats, what implements are used and how the spankings are given. Your punishment might be more severe for a more serious infraction.

Many DD couples are fans of over-the-knee or OTK spanking against a bare ass. However, you might agree that your husband can use a hairbrush, paddle or another implement. When you’re new to spankings, you’ll want to start gently to determine your tolerance. Even a moderate spanking can have a lasting impact.

One thing that is usually a given is the idea that your man should be calm before spanking you. This is something that many parents believe in when dealing with children who have broken a rule. Anger might lead your husband to ignore the contract, spank too hard or mete out a punishment that isn’t fair for the misdeed. Because of this, spanking might take place after your mistake/broken rule when your man has had a chance to calm down.

Some DD couples prefer other forms of punishment to spankings/corporal punishment. These may include washing your mouth out with soap, sentence/essay writing, corner time (sitting or kneeling in a corner like a time out), bedroom time (time out in another room) and grounding/permission removal. You may agree that more serious issues require more serious punishments, so picking a few punishments that work for you and your man might be ideal.

After punishment has been dished out, the issue is settled. The head of household should be calm and genuinely forgiving

MsTakeU • May 20, 2021

Cute Sexy Intelligent, hi!

I hope you don't mind me adding a bit more to this thread.

In the DD/TiH community generally, you'll find the DD to be a man and the TiH to be a woman, however, that's not always the case.

In my experience, I know quite a few DD's who are women, and the Taken in Hand's are men, Honestly, they both love their roles and are quite well suited for them. To me, the similarities to Female Led Relationships are almost identical.

One gentleman I know had a successful business that he ran for years and years and had it running on auto-pilot at this point in his life. He had a schedule each day which included preparing things in the morning for his DD wife, for her to start her day. After breakfast, he would go to his business to make an appearance while she spent the day with her friends doing whatever social things she had planned. He checked in with her when he was supposed to, stopped to do grocery shopping on the way home, did whatever errands she deemed necessary, and when he got home prepared for her arrival. His focus was to follow the schedule, adhere to the rules, and if he didn't, he would be spanked. He absolutely loved it. So what does that remind everyone of?

Ms. T

CSI • May 22, 2021

Bump

tempest j​(sub female) • May 26, 2021

I am in a mostly vanilla, non-religious relationship. At my request, my husband and I researched this and gave it a shot. I told him the goals I wanted to reach and he held me accountable to them. It worked well for a bit. The punishments were very cathartic and helped me release a lot of guilt and negative energy. After the punishment, he would sternly tell me that he knew I could do better to reach my goals and that he believed in me. He took the time to build me back up emotionally with praise and sex.
Unfortunately, he is not naturally dominant so it fell by the wayside.
If you are holding on to a lot of guilt and shame, it can be a great way to let that go.