Less attractive?

"Does having a child make you less attractive?"

NO. It makes you more attractive, provided you are a good mother to them.

Thank you all for the replies. I haven't been on here in a while so I just now read all the comments. A lot of what y'all have said made me cry a little. Thank you so much. Reading what everyone has said helps me feel like I'm not alone, I'm not the only one.

I have gotten a tiny bit less self-conscious about my belly and stretch marks. I've now started wearing a two piece bathing suit and I try not to hide myself around people. Slowly but surely.

I know I over think, self criticize, and just stress about everything. So for the past year to help with that I've been trying to do old hobbies, like archery, drawing, and rollerblading. I hope relieving some stress, focusing on other things, and getting exercise will help.

First of all. We are not hard-wired to judge each other harshly - can we finally put an end to that toxic trope?? It's infuriating to see a man say that so condescendingly and judgmentally as if we aren't all conditioned by this patriarchal society.
Yes we are all conditioned, but some of us find our way out of that. I'm a woman and I see beauty everywhere. I understand that your body changing like that must be hard to accept, in a world where we are conditioned to think our value lies in our bodies/looks. I don't think the answer is to find it beautiful. I think the answer is to re-train yourself to be ok with not being beautiful/perfect etc. You're going to lose it all anyway. And you are SO. MUCH. MORE. then how you look, or how much other people find you attractive. The older you get, the more your soul will shine out through your body. Find a way to change how you think. <3 <3 <3

Attractive is a state of mind. It’s more of a confidence thing than it is a physical thing. Believe you are sexy as hell and others will feel the same. Never understood why people get self conscious about their scars. I love my scars and I’m very proud of them. I also find others scars to be beautiful. Think of them as things that make you unique.

I think the right person will accept and love you! All of you, scars and all.. nobody is perfect, even supermodels have things they feel are not attractive about themselves and oftentimes, what we may see as a huge flaw, others barely notice. What is more important, is being a good person and mother, thats how you earned your scars and if someone can't see the beauty in that, then they don't deserve you.

I think Sun Kitten and Sweet Ginger are correct--if someone finds you attractive and sees your beauty--both inner and outer--any external limitations on your relationship, e.g., children, your career, other family members, other commitments in your life, etc, etc., then they will view any obstacles as something you will overcome as a team.

The real issue with children or any other issue that involves other people, how much are their feelings going to effect your relationship, e.g., have you discussed your dating with your children, assuming they are old enough for you to do this? if not, are you prepared to move forward with a relationship even if your children object? And have you discussed this with your partner? I think children are just another issue that effects your relationship like anything else, i.e., a health issue, a job issue, an education issue, etc., etc., which means everyone has issues, even those without children or family to take into account.

Don't be fooled into thinking if you just didn't have children you would not have other issues, trust me you would but they would be different issues.

I truly understand where you come from, as I have a whole lot of scars through my body, but I guarantee you that it won't make you less attractive.
Think about it as if you were a blank canvas, and as you lived your life you got scars, stretch marks, moles, dots, wrinkles, etc; each one of these tell a story, and the combination of them tells your story, uniquely yours. No one else is quite like you, and in my opinion, that's beautiful. The marks in your body are poetry.
Your body is so amazing that you created new life and nurtured it, and there's no way one goes through that without changing. Just because it changed, it doesn't mean it's bad. Just different.
Everyone ends up old, saggy and wrinkly at one point, and if someone can't see beauty outside of youth, they still have much to learn about true beauty.

I am not something so wonderful as a mom and yet this post made me cry. I know about scars and while I dont have stretch marks, I have inverted nipples. I know the feeling of wanting to hide away from people but let me encourage you to keep on the path you are on.
It sounds like you have someone who loves you as you are. That is priceless.
To hell with everyone else.

Most of the stuff on this thread was from "a year ago" I skimmed a bit but there are now 4 pages of posts, including one from me ----responding to the "attractive" part.

If this has been brought up already pardon any redundancy --but there exists another aspect of this quandary I didn't see posted about while (admittedly) skimming:

*******
While having had children may or may not affect one's "attractiveless" but also consider the presence of children can, in the eyes of some --

(and I do mean some.. Not hitting dudes with yellow paint from a broad brush)

-- Some men will see childen as a "complication" to what they want. Having kids can adversely affect your (RHET) availability for Party Time.

After all, your kids are Job #1-- Or they definitely ought to be.

A guy like this will first see where this can cut down on the fun and games he could get get with a childless woman.

In these cases, and not to pass judgement on these guys but they're not for you.

They're looking for something simpler, something Grab N Go-- who has no other personal obligations to focus on them and their needs.

Again and I cannot emphasize it enough. I am not a feminist and I don't view men out for a simple god time as anything "less-than"-- I'm only saying if some cat gives you the cold shoulder as soon as he finds out you got kids:

And I am certainly not saying there aren't women out there who would fill his dickular prescription. Namely me. No kids No Strings, Eros Only.

*****

So, it's DEFINITELY not you.

Keep Looking. A suitable suitor is out there.

The looking is the tough part. Don't look too hard. The Right One almost universally turns up when you're not looking!!!

*****

Peace Out!

M

I’m fat — like really fat — and I’m sexy af, both in my own eyes and to the eyes of plenty of other people. To others, not so much.

My favorite snippet of wisdom on the subject goes like this: You can be the juiciest, rosiest, sweetest peach on the tree, and there will always be some who simply don’t like peaches.

I know advertising and media make it seem otherwise, but people aren’t meant to be attractive and desirable to every single other person. And if you compare yourself in such a way that you’re essentially trying to convince yourself that you CAN be? You will have an absolutely miserable life.

Do what you can to feel healthy and comfortable in your own skin, work on what YOU think of you, and I guarantee there will be others who love every molecule of you.