Dom/me abuse?

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Jul 6, 2021

Miki​(masochist female) "So, let's steer this convo in that direction rather than the "modern day" wish to internationalize every fucking thing."

(Abuse IS personal and internal. Some topics are way too sensitive to be casual discussions. Sorry to disappoint.)
..........................
Sir'smisty​(sub female) you said:

"And now let's apply some of the replies... One would be telling the abused that they're obviously not equipped to deal with the role they identifies as."

(Not exactly. The Dom/Master role is one of leadership. He/She controls the relationship and what is allowed and what is not. The sub/slave role is one of following that leadership and their directions. They have less control or have willingly given up control. Gender has nothing to do with it. If you are in the role of leadership and in control of what happens. To say you took abuse from a sub/slave and did nothing about it points directly to your ability to lead and control. It may not be fair. It may even be wrong, but that is a perspective I've seen many times.)

"Another would tell her it's a local South African issue which has no place being addressed in an International forum...."

(I don't think anyone said that. I think we all agree that abuse issues inside and outside of the lifestyle exist. )

"Am I reading this right?" (No. I don't believe you are.)

"Dominants and males said it happens and has happened to them. And yet these replies shame and judge them."

(Again not about gender. You can't look at difficult issues and tiptoe around such things. The post said that one person in the relationship said Dom's being abused might not be considered an issue. I posted as to why that 'might' be. Didn't say they were shit for being abused or at fault. Every different response is not automatically shaming. If that is what you jump to, then you are missing the point of why we need to look at cause and effect.)

"No one is saying that there wasn't huge issues in those dynamics that held the abuse but because it was men replying it is a non issue....?"

(Many people see such issues differently. Where is it written they have to think as you do? There are also people who believe that a sub or slave who likes to get hit in a scene should like it all the time and from anyone. It is total BS. But there ya go. People sometimes think strange stuff. Especially those with limited real-time experience.)

I did not take this forum as such a sexist, biased place... Suddenly not so sure this is a place I want to partake in...
(Now who is shaming and judging?)

(Many of the people I know in the lifestyle lost or gave up a lot to be in the lifestyle. It matters greatly to them. So yes, there are more stern perspectives about certain topics because they care that much. They don't owe any of us strokes and poor boo boo kitty attitudes just because it is an uncomfortable topic.)

H*

dollMaker​(dom male) • Jul 6, 2021

Dominants are human beings and as such are just as open to the possibility of being abused, emotionally, even physically. Abuse, regardless of the type fucks people up regardless of gender, or what side of the slash they are on.

Tessallia​(sub male) • Jul 12, 2021

I'm not sure if it was said already and I missed it but it can be a difficult position to be a top. Some one I used to be with had trouble with this kind of stuff. He expressed interest when I told him the kind of stuff I was into but it was a first for us both. We just kinda played and experimented, nothing to deep into bdsm. It was upsetting to him how much he enjoyed the idea of causing me pain. ( Whipping, scratching biting, stuff we talked about) he actually cried he was so upset. It's can be a difficult headspace and I hadn't heard or read about that kind of thing anywhere. I can only imagine how horrible it would have been for him to have some one use that to hurt him. It took me a while to convince that this was ok and that everything was fine with wanting this as long as it was concensual. I wish I'd known about that before hand, it would have been nice to talk to him about it before we started playing.