Delightfulpainslut
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6 years ago •
Jun 25, 2018
A red flag or not?
So I'm seeing a Dom, it's fairly new. 2 months and going, now he's pretty awesome so far. Although I feel like I have a couple red flags and I just want other people's opinions. First is he doesn't really answer questions very well... Not always but when asking something I feel is important I feel like o get silence a lot and it's not like a I'm punishing you silences either just silence. Second he can be super sweet but then turn the corner and be very un emotional. I'm a attention whore sometimes and I've made it clear. I just feel like he sometimes doesn't want to talk at all when we can't be together. I am not asking for a book or to be right there by his phone all day but at least give me something other than OK. Last he brought up changing my status on fetlife where we met. Should I be upset if he doesn't change his too or just not worry about it. I feel like maybe I shouldn't be but it bothers me a little. Not exactly sure how to bring it up without looking like a whiner, or whatever.
Should I be cautious or am I just totally crazy? |
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WhiteRoses(sub female)
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6 years ago •
Jun 25, 2018
If not red flags, at least yellow. And here is why, if these things are important enough to you to bring them up for advice, they ARE important and need addressing.
My only advice begs a question, how is the communication between the two of you? Can you discuss how you feel about the first two issues? As to the third, what is the status? Are you exclusive or does he want more subs? If supposed to be exclusive then I would be upset too. Talk things through with yourself, think things over and ask yourself the questions and see what thoughts come up. At the least, slow down a bit and give things time. Depending on the questions he may be uncomfortable answering them, hence the silence. So many possibilities I can think of but not knowing the details, I can't say answers. White Roses |
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GrimmMaiden(dom female){GrimmOryx}
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6 years ago •
Jun 25, 2018
What types of questions is he ignoring? Or are there certain subjects he will consistently avoid talking about?
Is he not talking sometimes because he's busy? At work for instance? Does he talk to you when he is free? Have you talked about him changing his status if you change yours? Lastly, are you his only sub at the moment? |
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Georgie47(sub male){Either one}
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6 years ago •
Jun 25, 2018
Re: A red flag or not? Delightfulpainslut wrote: So I'm seeing a Dom, it's fairly new. 2 months and going, now he's pretty awesome so far. Although I feel like I have a couple red flags and I just want other people's opinions. First is he doesn't really answer questions very well... Not always but when asking something I feel is important I feel like o get silence a lot and it's not like a I'm punishing you silences either just silence. Second he can be super sweet but then turn the corner and be very un emotional. I'm a attention whore sometimes and I've made it clear. I just feel like he sometimes doesn't want to talk at all when we can't be together. I am not asking for a book or to be right there by his phone all day but at least give me something other than OK. Last he brought up changing my status on fetlife where we met. Should I be upset if he doesn't change his too or just not worry about it. I feel like maybe I shouldn't be but it bothers me a little. Not exactly sure how to bring it up without looking like a whiner, or whatever.
Should I be cautious or am I just totally crazy? If I was you I would be very cautious as it seems like he is hiding something if he refuses to talk to you on occasions or answer your questions then he is either just using you for what he wants or he has something to hide unlike myself I believe in being honest and open and if a man can't do that there is something wrong even though he is the dom he has to communicate with his submissive otherwise there can not be a relationship of any kind, I have experienced the same on many occasions on other sites where I have chatted to women who are very discreet and do not open up only to find out they are only after one thing MONEY but that does not deter me I continue to look even though I have not met a woman or group of women who is looking for the same as me, so far this site is about the most genuine one I have come across where I can talk freely like I do now with one woman but I do wish you luck and hope it all works out for you and you get what your looking for and find happiness |
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Notely
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6 years ago •
Jun 25, 2018
He has to grow be grown before he can take on anything. If he has not found him self thiers your question right thier. Someone can’t just wake up say O Im a Dom or they seen 50 shades of grey think it there kink. It takes weeks months years to become who you are and Doms have to train to be Better Man. Younger men Just stepped in they shoule be getting thirt life together wait til they are 38 or 40 until they thier life together got thief own place leaving bad habits they are ready to settle.
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Georgie47(sub male){Either one}
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6 years ago •
Jun 25, 2018
That's very true but still be cautious maybe he will grow into a strong dom in time
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CapnRick(dom male)
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6 years ago •
Jun 25, 2018
My reaction is that the request (demand??) to change your status on fetlife may be more a reddish flag than his communication issues, which are at best pink flags.
His trying to corral you, fence you off from other contacts, is a classic sadistic ploy. For that matter, using silence as a weapon is from the same playbook. Others are right-- we cannot know the exact dynamic at play between you two --and you do admit to being an attention whore, which can irritate many Doms, even legitimate ones. Maybe take a deep breath, decide if you really want the pain of the silent/uncommunicative treatment. You have some experience in this fetish world, and you know following your own instincts is often the best course.... |
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venia(sub female){notlooking}
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6 years ago •
Jun 25, 2018
In my experience the “change your status” when they don’t change theirs has happened when there are multiple subs that they don’t want to be up front about. It always makes me wary.
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| Dhanle |
6 years ago •
Jun 25, 2018
"Should I be cautious or am I just totally crazy?"
Perhaps ask yourself what it is, exactly, that makes you think: "Am I just totally crazy?" Analyze your reasons for self-deprecation by journaling. Maybe it humiliates you; maybe it pleases you. Is there anything more? Proceed with caution, as you have already been warned... I also suspect there may be some hiding behind inexperience. -Dane. |
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Notely
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6 years ago •
Jun 27, 2018
Trust is Earned. Respect is Given. Loyalty is Demonstrated. Betrayal of one is to lose all three. BDSM VS ABUSE They are not the same. key of Elements of BDSM -Communication -Consent -Trust -Respect ----------------------------------- key of elements of abuse -Physical/Emotional Abuse -Fear of partner -No communication or consent -No trust or respect ------------------------------- BDSM is the pleasure of both parties ------------------------------- Abuse causes unwanted pain to one or more parties. ------------------------------------------ Keep in mind distinct difference between fearing partner and fearing pain for example. I flinch when I am spanked Despite the fact I asked to be spanked and I enjoy being spanked. Its still hurts and the body still has fearful reaction. However I trust my partner and do not fear her for she respect my boundaries.
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