Can it be possible to introduce yourself deeper in this world if you have no one to physically guide

Can it be possible to introduce yourself deeper in this worl

esmeralda​(masochist female) • Jun 25, 2021

It may be seen as a silly question, and it is. Of course in person interactions are needed, but what happens when there's no one available for you to learn with them?
How can you test your limits and fulfill your needs when you can't have someone's guidance and presence?

And don't get me wrong, of course self-punishments, and self-degradation are a good base line, but is there another way? Is there more than can be added to it?

Is anyone here currently involved or were involved in a long distance/online bdsm relationship? How did it turn out? Was it fulfilling?

How do you introduce yourselves into this world and discovered yourselves?

dollMaker​(dom male) • Jun 25, 2021

Yes, three years plus on, I can say it has been one of the most special times I have experienced so far, either online or in person, and I have been and I am active via both mediums. Still on going and yes it is fulfilling.

House Talion​(dom male) • Jun 25, 2021

I started alone, learned alone, found groups and ppl and events without help. Being alone is not a bad thing, but it does mean you have no support. Ppl that didn't like me teamed against me and tarnished my name. It was a tough time, but I dis it alone and survived till said groups were found lacking. I hope your journey isn't as hard.

Long distance relationships never worked from me. It sucks to just chat with someone you to see and do stuff with. I don't mind training long distance.

Bunnie • Jun 25, 2021

“How can you test your limits and fulfill your needs when you can't have someone's guidance and presence?”

If you’re willing to do the work, the work you can do alone will always be beneficial, regardless of where life takes you. Introspection, within reason, can be a very valuable tool. There is a Rumi quote I always think of in this instance:

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”


“Is anyone here currently involved or were involved in a long distance/online bdsm relationship? How did it turn out? Was it fulfilling?”

I was until very recently, for over three years, with someone on the opposite side of the world. Our intention was to come together, however, we have recently parted ways in that aspect. As someone who’s main form of connection is intimacy in the form of mostly touch (not sex… just closeness), this was really, really difficult for me at times. However, also the most rewarding connection I have ever had with someone. I have never experienced the depth of trust we achieved together. There is a different kind of intimacy that can be created when it’s simply your soul connecting, and I would never dismiss that.


“How do you introduce yourselves into this world and discovered yourselves?”

With mindfulness. Be open to learning. Read lots. Listen even more. Look at it as a journey of discovery and be open to simply following the breadcrumbs… you never know where it will take you. Another quote that comes to mind in this regard (yes, I love quotes lol):

“Follow your heart, but remember to take your head with with you.”

Good luck

MountaintopMaster • Jun 26, 2021

It also depends very highly on your personal "love language", of course. I know the whole "love languages" thing isn't a concept that everyone subscribes to, but in D/s I do find it particularly relevant, because each item may be found at the very core of what makes a submissive or dominant "click"...

Acts of service
Words of affirmation
Gifts
Quality Time
Physical Touch

Immediately, it should be obvious that some of these are far, far easier to perform over the internet, and some are almost impossible.

Simply put, if your love languages are words of affirmation and gift-giving, a long-distance relationship, indeed even one where you never even meet the person for months or years, can still be highly fulfilling.

Oppositely, if you crave physical touch, and quality time or acts of service, then "flying solo" may, in fact, eventually leave you feeling unsatisfied.

I say eventually because, to answer your main question, I think you can still *LEARN* quite a lot, even if your own personality and kinks are indeed much more fulfilling when done in-person.

So, carefully consider your situation, your needs/languages/kinks, and you should be able to learn a lot even if you're mainly just doing things by yourself or to yourself, lol.

Of cousre, when in doubt, write a forum/blog post here and ask lots of specific questions!

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Jul 20, 2021

The place to start is by determining what you actually want here. Is this just play? Then maybe your physical limits matter much more than being involved in the lifestyle as a lifestyle. If you seek a real relationship that will take much more time and investment from you.

Do be careful however, just posting this will get you a lot of offers. And while we all experimented in the beginning the odds of being taken advantage of are significant.

Take the kink and fetish away for a moment. Imagine any realm you wish to enter. Do you dive in? Start at a job as CEO? No. You have to get the lay of the land. You have to find others who think as you do and some of them will have much more experience than you.

And we all want to play right away but please consider that much of what we do is still illegal in some regions. And much of it can be very dangerous.

This is a good site but Fetlife is for networking and offers much more in the way of socializing without the play.

You can find discussion and learning groups near you that will help you actually learn what it is that we do. You can find a same-sex, like type (s types for s types, Domme's for dommes) who will support you and answer questions. Few mentor, but some still do. Go there and make a free profile then you can search interests or geographic locations and find groups in that area that might interest you. Some are real-time now but some are zoom meetings and you can get your feet wet safely.

H*

HEAVEN'S STARCHILD​(switch female) • Jul 20, 2021

For me, I need the physical guidance and assurance. I do better with in person interactions. Long distance is very difficult especially when there is no chance of meeting in person. It's like having a virtual.class with no hands on experience.

Sir Don​(dom male){Nt looking} • Jul 20, 2021

For me personally I need the interaction. Self gratification is good but gratification with someone is blissful. Might be excactly on topic

If one is intent on do something anything is possible. It takes dedication and effort to achieve your goal. It is ultimately on you to do it

OwnedByTheOcean​(masochist female) • Jul 21, 2021

I see you identify as a masochist. I do as well and for me long distance or online relationships are not possible. Before I dipped my toe into the physical realm of the kink community I spent that time really learning about submission. I knew I fell on that spectrum but had no idea where. I certainly didn’t know I was a masochist until I knew I was a masochist. 🤣. Touch is essential to the S/m dynamic. Physical presence is essential. It is impossible to take that journey thru online means or be apart for long lengths of time. Once the physical aspect is tasted, it is craved and needed. Hopefully you live somewhere that has an active kink community- best place to start- you will find like minded individuals and people who will be invested in your growth and safety. Good luck!!🍀

SageFlame​(sub female) • Jul 21, 2021

Opportunity
Each change in life brings new opportunity.
Each day a chance to grow.
How and in what direction may not always be what we envisioned.
Having experiences outside the box will challenge us in new ways. Long distance for me has provided an opportunity to deepen trust, explore and examine myself in ways that surprise me.
It has much to do with mindset. Connecting long distance is not anything I imagined myself doing. I happened upon someone I couldn't pass up.
Fulfilling? Yes, in many ways.
Frustrating? Yes
Challenging? Yes
Worth it? Yes, yes
Wouldn't you rather have a face to face? Good question. I'm at my best in person. It's familiar. I can read people well and capitalize on nuances. I look forward to connecting in person absolutely! My main love language is touch. Not having that I am learning to grow in other ways. To connect on a deeper level. I've opened up emotionally like never before. Opened up to new experiences. Honestly, I think it is who I'm with not how that makes the difference in that respect.

Note- self testing limits for me wasn't something I continued after my limits were pushed by another that I trust. I found I could take a level of pain when engaged with a person that couldn't be reached alone. Personally, it is part of finding enjoyment in pleasing. But I am sure to learn more layers as time goes on.

That's my quick run down. If you have questions my mailbox is open.