The Art of Introductions

The Art of Introductions

Little Vixie​(sub female){Mgh30} • Aug 24, 2021

Within the past week I've gotten at least 5 messages from various men with 4/5 referencing how my body looks. (That being their biggest point).

Im not going to say that I don't enjoy a compliment, but these comments usually range from "You're body is alluring" to "I'd love to fuck the shit out of you."
These being the first messages from said doms.

I've just gotten to where it's becoming a major turn off as well as a backhanded compliment (past trauma with being used for sex and dropped like an unwanted object)

I'm curious if any other subs have this problem and what their view point on it is; as well as what other doms thoughts are. I'm not sure if I'm being over dramatic as this is a sexual website.

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female){LJ} • Aug 24, 2021

Some of it is unfortunate but expected. This site attracts all kinds. The ones that have me clutching my pearls are the ones where they want me to be their slave in the first message.
But do hang around. There are some really wonderful and helpful people here too.

I_am_the_Sea​(sub male){One Day} • Aug 24, 2021

Hey! You're a total fox! Lol

No, seriously...

I think the anonymous face of the internet has everything to do with this. I am sure they'd lose all internet privileges if thier mom's found them talking to girls that way.

And I am sure more than a few would get thier lights put out if they tried that in real time face to face.

So ignore the morons. They are doing you a favor by outing themselves right away and saving you the energy of having to get to know them.

Added bonus of having the more sincere requests for interaction stand out all the more.

God...anonymity can make monsters of us all...
~I_am_the_Sea

EagerToPleaseYou​(sub female){Owned} • Aug 24, 2021

I removed my picture a while back but yes, I've received those types of cringwworthy messages. Nothing like putting your worst foot forward. 🙄
They put it out there right up front so at least I don't have to waste my time talking to them.

CSI • Aug 24, 2021

That is exactly the reason I don't have my pictures posted any more. I have also been objectified and sexualized in the past and figure I am not going to share what someone hasn't taken the time to get to know about. Sure, it's a nice body, but I am far more than body parts. It takes too much of my energy to respond or even ignore the people only interested in sex or physicality. I have to say, my inbox has stopped receiving most of those messages now and for that, I am thoroughly grateful.

Re: The Art of Introductions

MrFulmen • Aug 24, 2021

I don't think you're being dramatic at all. Participating in a sexualized social space (like this website) absolutely does not mean you have to learn to like boorish, presumptuous behavior. Sexy spaces and kinky culture work when people are *more* considerate and careful with boundaries, not by saying "This is a sex place so anything goes!"

Unfortunately, any public space that looks like it might be a doorway to sexy times will be flooded with men who don't understand this and will angrily defend their right to never understand it. And I think we should be clear that the issue isn't with "doms," it's with cis men. This is a patriarchy problem that happens all over, not at all specific to D/s spaces.

Men can speak out against it and let other men know that sending sexualized, objectifying or degrading messages to anyone who hasn't asked for that kind of treatment isn't welcome in our communities. Though most days that feels like bailing the ocean with a thimble--there's just a new wave of fuckboys every damn day.

The other thing to do is realize that kink culture goes deeper than what you're seeing here and that many parts of it are much, much better than a public website. Local real life communities and smaller online communities can do a better job of fostering a welcoming environment (not all of them do do a better job, but at least it's possible). So look for ways to go deeper and you may find your way to spaces with better manners.

SageFlame​(sub female) • Aug 24, 2021

If you want a Dom don't post your body pics. Unless your into instaDoms, dogs or those addicted to the thrill of someone new then toss for the next someone new.

An experienced, mature Dom worth his salt will care less about your physique and more about your mind, character and personality. Moreover, the connection built over time and your submissive qualities. It takes a lot of time and energy to form a lasting D/s.

This is one of those times were less is better. Take your pic down if you want quality men. You'll be surprised at the difference. Let your body be the icing on the cake not the appetizer. Besides your future Dom might appreciate the exclusivity.


Reference that might be of interest.
Bent Discipline on youtube.

Sasa​(dom female) • Aug 24, 2021

If someone doesn't touch your mind and your heart they shouldn't touch your body. Quite easy... We never know who is on the other side. The 36 yo student living under the roof of hotel mam or a married old man. But believe me, here are some good people too between the scammers. You don't have to show a picture of yourself until YOU like the person.

VelvetGlove​(dom male) • Aug 24, 2021

I feel that the world is suffering from a dearth of polite behavior these days, not only online but irl. I can't imagine my first message to anyone being anything that I wouldn't say to a stranger in a more genteel setting. As they say, there's a time and a place and you can only make a first impression once.

I've had my share of odd messages so I understand why many women put up placeholder pics, but I would argue that we all have preferences. Physical attraction, chemistry, and intellect are all equally important parts of that. In other words, I may not ever message someone who doesn't include a face pic in order to avoid an uncomfortable conversation later if they just aren't my cup of tea.

ThisIsTheWay​(dom male) • Aug 24, 2021

for me I try to get a conversation going and leave all the sexy talk , sexy bits and whatever till an established connection is made, besides if a conversation starts then all the sexy talk and stuff can happen later down the road. plenty of time for all of that after you get to know them as a person.