Personality catfish

bloody belladonna​(dom female) • Sep 10, 2021

Yeah I can often be called too “nice” but that’s only because I don’t go into instant attack or defence mode, I am very happy to have healthy debates and conflicting opinions, I like to see all sides of everything, do I get annoyed? Pissed off? Sure I do but I don’t have to shout and scream and become a d**ck to get the same points across you know? I am glad we talked too I liked to hear from another persons perspective.

Taramafor​(sub male) • Sep 10, 2021

Glad someone thinks so. Some random dom female I never ever talked too just gave me a message about how I'm the one going "singuler viewpoint".

Didn't even let me reply. Bloked me. Well, what did they do then?

I always get other peoples thoughts/opinons. I hate people like that. I also know they hate themselves though. But I'm not about to care about a hypcorite that can't even be honest. I'm actually pissed off because I'm reminded of another dom that did the same thing and never wanted to listen to anything at all. As if they can get away with just hurting people.

Makes me wonder about the one that blocked me. Why are some people so insecure about not being in control that they have to get the last word in and act like a situation goes away by pretending it doesn't exist?

1: I don't let that happen. You will go insane if you don't try to be understanding. Hate me. Like me. Matters not. But I consider you at all times. Even if you don't with me. Fucking hurts when people assume the worst. I can be a monster, just not THAT one.

2: In the end you can't run away from yourself. In the end you know what you do and what you really are. I used to be that person that hides in fear in the past. I see the same unhealthy results with everyone that avoids and evades.

The ultimate goal of evasiveness is self destruction. It means people are weak. Incapable. Unable. Be weak, that happens. But a coward? It's like a traitor. How can you ever trust them?

Only when they consider things aren't as they appear to be it seems. Can happen. Doubt it will with the two people I mentioned though. Their own FEAR of not being in control is WHY they're not in control. They give into fear itself. Without even asking a single question.

Opinions and facts are also two different things. Maybe you like X game and I hate it. But if a rock is a rock then calling it a pizza doesn't stop it being a rock. If I beleive I'm right and that something is a fact then that's where PROOF comes into play. I can say why. Others can not.

Except Bunnie. And you. And that's what keeps our conversations healthy. Because we "check in" with each other. We don't pretend to know. We don't just say we know. We say WHY. We get the FULL story. That's why it works. Questions. Straight answers. To make honesty. Which makes trust. It just works.

Agreements can come after. I'm not looking for an agreement about opinons though. I'm looking for what others think/consider and if they have an open mind or a closed one. Simple as that. So when someone judges a book by its cover and doesn't even consider anything other then their own narrow minded selfish opnion alone and makes the assumption that I'm doing that, all I can say is people are what they hate.

I get it. I talk a lot. But I ASK don't I? Which is more then can be said for some others.

bloody belladonna​(dom female) • Sep 10, 2021

Yes!!! Always be honest, always be upfront and always be open minded!!

Taramafor​(sub male) • Sep 10, 2021

Pretty much.

But the sticking point is some people don't want to give you a straight answer. Then you're there all day trying to get one.

Sometimes they do and things go better. Those that don't never make things go better.

It's like one approch works and the other doesn't. How do some people not understand this?

Straight answers stop long walls of text and 5 hour talks. It's that bloody simple. It's like people WANT the arguments when they refuse to even give a straight answer.

Like they can't even say why they claim what they do.

As if they could be wrong. That's what I think.

CSI • Sep 10, 2021

No means no. Period. Not interested. Do not wish to continue. People should just accept that and move on.

Taramafor​(sub male) • Sep 10, 2021

@CIS:

detecting poor wording from this. Specifically speaking for others as if it's your choice and not theirs. Simple mistake, yes?

If what you said is true then no one would ever have been convinced after they made those claims. Which happens a lot. Both in good ways and bad ways. There are plenty of people in the world that change their mind after talking to each other and being understanding. Which did not happen in regards to bloody belladonna's situation. Had you said "That person is clearly abusive and expected things from you" I would not be able to fault that. But you're making a blank carpet statement of "Should just accept and move on" as if that's your choice. It is not. I already stated why.

What the other person DID is wrong. I think we can both agree on this. But trying to CONVINCE people (even after thay say no) is never wrong. You just don't approve of that. Is that correct? And please don't give me excuses about arguments and complaints. Please simply answer the question very simply and clearly as you can.

Someone has to give a reason to change their mind (this can apply to any situation). And can make attempt after attempt. Maybe the 1st one doesn't do it. Maybe it takes 10. Or 100. But if you can find the right hook then they're hooked. Does that help explain things better? And in those moments of talking things out the other person might even say you're amusing. And comical. You're entertaining them. And suddenly they WANT to do things with you. Hope that helps explain why I convince people that say no for some people that are reading.

Furthermore, what if someone has a gun at your head and says "Today is the day you die" yet doesn't fire? Say no to that and you're probably dead. You can play that game. But you will die. To be clear, I do know people that have been in situations like this. And have had to face armed people myself. Other situations can also apply. Your "no" might be why someone "rapes" you. What can be done differently to prevent that outcome from happening? I'll give you a hint. Everyone wants to be understood.

You could get raped. You could get killed. You could get abused over and over. If "no" doesn't work then what do you do? Seriously, I really want people to consider this. Because what if something like that happens to you?

... Yea, I focus on corrections to this extreme. Understand or don't. But I got sanity and lives to consider. Either way I think I just hit the nail on the head. No doesn't always work. At the same time if a situation happens and you didn't answer (or even gave one) yet it happens anyway then you either LET it happen, or it changes without you even realising it. You might not realise you change your mind. Again, can go well. Or can go bad. All depends. Can we all agree on that?

sineater • Sep 10, 2021

Wow. Just wow.

A person, man or woman or nonbinary, dom or sub or switch, does not need any explanation, reason, or well, anything to decide to turn someone down. No, a person does not need to listen to a request with an open mind. No, they dont need to consider anything, or give someone a chance, or need to be convinced.

If a person decides not to peruse something, then that's it. All stop.

It doesn't matter if bloody belladonna​ is respectful or not. If doesnt matter if they are right or wrong. If someone says no, you stop. It doesn't matter if its fair or not. It doesn't matter if you're shut down after 1 message or 100. It doesn't matter if its 'outside the box' or not. You're experiences don't matter.

If you flip out because someone says no (respectfully or not), You're the asshole.

In the grand scheme of things, yes, their happiness matters as much as yours. but bloody belladonna​ is not responsible for anyone's happiness but her own (and the people they choose).

This is about right and wrong. Its wrong to peruse someone after they said no. its called consent. They didnt give or they revoked their consent. If you keep pushing, you're the asshole.

I don't think bloody belladonna​ is 'concerned about people controlling their temper'. bloody belladonna​ might be concerned about asshole niceguys who can't take rejection.

bloody belladonna​ is under no obligation to 'ask them enough' and get straight answers. bloody belladonna​ is under no obligation for the 'full story'. At no point in time is bloody belladonna​ required to keep the engagement going just in case the match might be good in the end. bloody belladonna​ decided to end it, so its ended.

"It's what you're not doing that's telling me the most. Your words so far are a bit... too perfect." So? bloody belladonna might be painting their self in a good light. We don't know, but frankly, it doesnt matter. bloody belladonna doesn't need 'enough of a reason to find out.'

At ANY point in time, if bloody belladonna decides to revoke her consent to the conversation and say no, then its done. If someone flips out, then that person is the asshole.

If the person talking to bloody belladonna is nice and respectful, and bloody belladonna is a total jerk and asshole, then the other person flipping out is warranted maybe. But that doesn't matter.

the entire point bloody belladonna was making is that they said no and the other person flipped out. Nothing else really matters.

And to be honest, your posts here reek of being a niceguy. I hope I'm misjudging you. But with the 'keep pressing after they say no' is classic nice guy stuff. "just give me a chance, i'm so nice! let me convice you!"

Taramafor​(sub male) • Sep 10, 2021

What person? Who are you speaking for? WHO is deciding? It sure as hell isn't whoever you're talking about. YOU are trying to decide FOR them. And I take offense to this. It's violation. Of. choice. Do you know what everyone needs? Is your blank carpet statement changing the facts? How do you know when you don't read minds and didn't ask people?

You're abusing choice and consent with your statements. You're going against everything it stands for when you speak FOR others. As if it's your choice and not "X person in Y situation". They will each have their OWN answers. Of which is NOT your decision to make. Or mine for that matter.

Am I really having to explain this? Stop making blank carpet statements. Consider "the situation" and why what you THINK is the truth may in reality be the REVERSE.

Or are you that close minded that you never consider the possability? Seriously. This is why I get flak. Because I always do this when others do not.

Well, I'M having an open mind. Even if YOU'RE not. What say you now?

For a BDSM site I'm very concerned about how people constantly don't seem to understand this.

sineater • Sep 10, 2021

Seriously? Are you that obtuse? Like are you purposefully trying to not understand it?

Ok.

In this theoretical conversion between two people, in which one person is approached by another with a request, the approached person is under no obligation to engage, listen, entertain, consider, be clairvoyant, check the tarot cards, form a committee, have an open mind, or try to understand the approachee. Period. There is nothing else. Stop. End. Fin.

sineater • Sep 10, 2021

Stop editing your post to add new points. Its annoying to have to try to reread your bullshit.

From your addition, its obvious you do not understand consent at this point. Consent is a two way street. But it has a right of way, and stop lights, and yield signs. The aproachee consents to read the aproacher's message. If the approachee responds, then both have given consent to talk. At any point, FOR ANY REASON, either one can revoke consent.

If you flip out because someone revoked consent for you to do something, then you're the asshole.

All the rest of your arguments to justify how you keep pressing conversations to change peoples minds, is just bullshit niceguy talk.