Online D/s Relationships?

Online D/s Relationships?

TheBaraDom​(dom male) • Sep 5, 2021

I am interested to hear people’s thoughts about online D/s relationships.

I have a number of former Subs that I am still in contact with today. Normally a Sub and I go our separate ways because one of us moves or one of us gets into a monogamous relationship so I’ve never parted ways with a Sub on bad terms. So I’ve been chatting with some of my previous Subs recently and they have been telling me how hard it is to find a good Dom recently.

When on various “dating sites” they find Doms that are hyper agressive, Doms that lack basic communication skills and can’t seem to form a complete sentence, or people that think they understand kink but really have no idea, Doms that just want to use and ghost you, or Doms with other issues. It just seems like there is a lack of quality and it’s hard to find a Dom you can engage with and build trust and a relationship with. Recently one of my Subs have asked me if I would be interested in dominating them online. I had never really thought about it before.

At first I didn’t really see the appeal but the more I thought about it, the more interesting it became. With some creativity I was quite sure that I could make online D/s sessions fun for all both of us. I also noticed on some porn sites that online domination porn is becoming increasingly popular. And seeing these Subs interact with their Dom really got me excited. So I decided to give it a shot. I instructed my Sub to get ready a number of items that we may use and we had a session. It was amazing! We spent a good hour and a half before I finally let them have a release. It was intense and we both were left speechless for a brief moment at the end. (In a good way.) we had a good chat about it after and we both agreed it was a success.

And it got me thinking... should I do this more? Are more people maybe into this?

With COVID-19, the past couple of years have been hard on everyone. We haven’t been able to meet and interact as we once did. And even though in some parts of the world it’s becoming more relaxed there is still this fear when meeting new people. I’m sure that’s part of the reason why this type of online D/s has increased in popularity.

But I think there are lots if reasons why people might enjoy online D/s sessions. As mentioned earlier there seems to be a drought of good Doms out there and even if you would prefer meeting in person; an online Dom could be a great way to “scratch that itch”. Some people might travel for work and may not always be accessible in person. Being easily available from anywhere might have it’s appeal to some. Some people may have social anxiety and want to test the waters with a Dom online first. Some people may simply have the kink of wanting to be some Dom’s little egirl, eboy, or eperson.

There are some great power plays and dynamics available with being an online sub. The idea of being a couple clicks of a mouse or a FaceTime call away from your Dom at all times serves as a constant reminder of your submission. The concept of being on display for or monitored by your Dom. The thought of having to do to yourself what your Dom tells you to. (You do what he says voluntarily. For example putting the nipple clamps on because he tells you to. You have to do that to yourself based off of their instruction. No Dom going to do it for you. It plays into some humiliation kinks very well.) The sensation of virtual control and monitoring could be intoxicating to some. It’s quite an interesting prospect.


Obviously online D/s has it’s drawbacks. Not being able to meet in person and have that physical interaction could be a dealbreaker to some. But for those that really enjoy certain psychological elements, it could be great. There are obvious concerns over virtual security and privacy. But some of these things can pretty easily be overcome. Like with all D/s relationships it require trust to be built and care to be taken.

I’m interested in knowing what others think. Would you be interested in being dominated online? Have you had any experiences like this already? I’m curious because part of me is thinking about dominating a bit more online and experimenting with it more. I’d be happy to hear any advice or concerns people have as well.

Miki • Sep 5, 2021

I won't go into a long and boring enumeration of what I see as drawbacks. You covered the bulk of the + and the --.

Rather, I'll just say that not only can't I get into online BDSM, I don't do online friendships well beyond occasional friendly or thought-provoking conversation.

Also, to do Online BDSM takes a strong investment of imagination to follow remotely given directions and so-forth.
Honestly I'd get bored with it too soon and tell the dude to go shit in his hat and throw dirty socks or underwear atop the cam before yanking it off the wall.

Of course my aversion to Online BDSM can be chalked up to the fact that I am not a "true" Sub.

I submit only in sexual situations, and said submission is a function of being a Maso-girl and how to go about getting off from a pain/humilation/pleasure combination.

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But that I don't do online friendships well, or for long, either. Zoom meetings, Microsoft Teams and all manner of other replacements for the human touch, as it were, are ongoing reminders of this fucking pandemic and how it has rendered life into strongly resembling a post-apocalyptic or at least dystopian cheap-ass science fiction "B" movie.

I don't dig it. (not that such thoughts will change anything-- just my thoughts.)

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female) • Sep 5, 2021

I think they can be fun and exciting with the right Dom but personally it couldn’t be my only relationship. I need that in person interaction and not just the sexual part. I like going on dates, cuddling, watching movies together, etc. I agree with your former subs though that finding local Doms that aren’t just guys into kinky sex is very difficult. Online can be a way to satisfy that craving that we have.

Miki • Sep 5, 2021

A lot depends on where one lives, of course, or more specifically the type of area one lives in. In an urban environment it's a lot easier to find and connect with like-minded people than in a rural or remote location. There may very well be like-minded people in rural, "small town" environments, but they're less likely to be very active about it.

The old "small-town buzz / grapevine" can still be judgemental even in this day and age.

I live conveniently close to and work in decent size cities so when I am in the mood I can usually find a partner or two without hitting bars or clubs.

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And what's more, I'll go against the grain found in so many social settings online and in real life.. For me it IS about the sex. FWB is always a good thing. Warm fuzzy shit I don't do. Sticky, gooey relationships.. Nahh. I'm not cut out for those.

That's just how I roll.



So, back to the gist of the topic, I never tried "online BDSM" nor will I, because for me the thought of it (way before) made the cravings worse.

It's simpler and quicker to just rub off a couple here and there, slake that "thirst", if you will---and get on with the rest of my day.

Thotsferatu​(switch female) • Sep 10, 2021

Every bit of the fun of kink, for me, is personal connection. And if there’s anything the internet does well, it’s showing you a LOT of people but from arm’s length. I could never fully feel like I knew a person or understood them just being online.

I think if you’re in an established dynamic with periods of in-person contact, organizing or maintaining contact online can be done successfully. But a D/s or other kink-centric relationship that begins and exists fully online? Ehhh. I’m sure it’s BEEN done, but it’s not for me. I need to “sniff” a person IRL for awhile before taking them on as a play partner.

A Cloud​(sub female){Owned} • Sep 10, 2021

They both have great potential in the right hands. Online holds a lot of mystery and that can be used to stimulate the mind. Actually, the mental aspect could potentially be more of a focus with online play/dynamics. The development of the dynamic can be drawn out, making for great subtlety and anticipation of what is to come. The fantasy of potential, where everything is possible, is a beautiful thing.

I think online play also fosters self responsibility, awareness and exploration, which is so important for growth of self and any dynamic.

Creative thinking is a great tool for keeping things interesting, and online potentially develops that creative thinking.

I think there is a lot of value in experiences of both online and 'IRL'. I must say I dislike the term 'real life' because it suggests online is not real, but of course it is; it is just occurring in a different space-time continuum. But that does not take away from its substance.

Thotsferatu​(switch female) • Sep 10, 2021

I’d say that the feelings online interaction can generate are very real, most definitely.

The reality of what people are presenting to you, on the other hand? Can be completely different. It’s far too easy to develop only a partial picture of someone based on online interaction. I don’t at all say that to devalue online relationships or partners, but just as a caution to maintain perspective.

Badgirlblues​(dom male) • Sep 10, 2021

The question of whether D/s online relationships can be rewarding is worded in such a way that it is unanswerable. I think a better question would be whether there are certain people that would find such relationships rewarding, and if so, could they meet up? I think the answer is definitely 'yes.' An analogy would be to ask, 'Is sky diving a rewarding pursuit?' Well, for some people, it probably is absolutely not--in fact, the thought of it could be terrifying. On the other hand, there are plenty of people that love skydiving and devote a lot of free time to it, whose answers would be 'Yes!' People are very complex when it comes to the significance of fantasy life and imagination. Some people find fantasy very rewarding--think of people that read the many genres of novels: sci-fi, eroticism, horror, historical drama, etc. These are all popular genres and allow people to live vicariously. Other people think reading fiction of any sort is a waste of time. They want 'just the facts.' The same goes for the artistic creators. Some writers create fantasy worlds in their novels; other writers are solely interested in journalism--reporting on what is considered to be the 'real world.' As for someone being 'tricked' about the type of person they might be 'inter-fantasy playing with,' it's possible, although I think most people have good radar when it comes to sensing what is sincere and what is pretense. An important consideration is age, however. I would want there to be a way to determine someone was of 'legal' age. I don't think fantasy relationships would be a good idea for children, for example, since they might have a hard time discerning whether someone is 'scamming' them, and could lead to dangerous real life encounters. But that goes for many things in life. I wouldn't feel comfortable if the law stated anyone over the age of five could drive a car, for example.

krazyorganizedchaos​(sub female) • Sep 11, 2021

Online only works if both people are invested in the dynamic and growing within it. It also depends on what each of you are looking to get out of it. My current began as only online, and we went to meeting up in person maybe once every other month. There has been months in between before, and we still keep things alive and going so to speak. But it takes the commitment, communication, trust, and openness from both of us for it to work.
Now this isnt to say go jump into a dynamic with any and every Dom/sub you come across. The vetting process should remain the same as if you were meeting in real life if you are serious about having a serious relationship with them. There would be nothing worse than possibly building up to an in person meet only to be let down. The same discussions should happen of what the expectations are, rules, limits, and what things would look like. It is possible to do, and I would be glad to share further info with anyone interested.