Where to find *real* subs

Thotsferatu​(switch female) • Sep 13, 2021

Just busting your chops a little, but yeah: “real” can be construed as kind of condescending because I think anyone with a genuine interest in submitting IS a real sub. What it sounds like you’re interested in is someone who fits you, who fits your needs and desires as you fit theirs.

And that’s done in no other way but good old fashioned “getting to know people”. You increase your odds, of course, by going places where you know there are kinky people. Local BDSM groups are a great place to start — although many are on hiatus due to COVID right now — but a lot are still trying to do virtual meetups, through Zoom or Discord, things like that. Wherever you go, though, it’ll be the same deal — talking to people, taking a genuine interest in them so that trust can be built, etc. Like with any relationship, really.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Sep 13, 2021

lol, you "think?"

i think for many, the qualifier "real" in your question makes it somewhat rhetorical, and as noted by another, "condescending." Condescention is a red flag for many, it's a barrier that many don't even want to approach, let alone tackle. It implies that you see the 'problem' is with everyone else, the BDSM world at large and "subs" in particular. i think the community here has given you valuable feedback if you take "wake up call" to heart;

Sasa​(dom female) • Sep 13, 2021

I'm sorry for some of the inappropriate and childish answers here.

What I can tell you is, there is no "real". Your real is probably what I wouldn't want. The right and real submissive (or dominant) is the one you accept as that. He or she is the one in your eyes only, no matter what others may think. So there are only some people who fit and a lot of people who don't fit.

Maybe you tossed her already aside cause your idea of "real" doesn't exist. Hope not, cause it's rare.

CSI • Sep 13, 2021

In addition to the majority of the comments here, I would say that as soon as I see someone post they are looking for "younger" subs, I absolutely cringe. To me that means you are looking for inexperienced newbies that will fall in line and unquestionably do and accept whatever you offer to them (which you generally will not find in a "real" sub - you would have to take the time to build that connection first). It also implies that in the future, I would certainly be tossed aside if someone newer and shinier came along and threw themselves at you. "Real" subs do not submit to just anyone who says they are a dominant. They submit to those who have taken the time to get to know them thoroughly, who have been consistent and kind and are about more than just superficial "what do they look like and will they obey me". Just my two cents.

Re: Where to find *real* subs

nuli​(sub female){Unkolared} • Sep 13, 2021

honestly i would love to know why you say they are all fakes? what is real to one might not be real to do you. that doesnt make them fake tho. so what in your eyes makes them fake?

Defender​(dom male) • Sep 13, 2021

Walkthewalk, it takes time to walk the walk.

At the moment I think you are just talking the talk.

Take the advice on here to heart, it is mostly meant well.

JHChrysler​(dom male) • Sep 13, 2021

So that is where you all have been hiding out. No wonder it's been three years. I have just been going about this all wrong. 😏

krazyorganizedchaos​(sub female) • Sep 14, 2021

I'd have to agree with House Talion..... honestly, no offense to you... but being an experienced sub and how your profile is worded, huge red flag, and given your inexperience and how you are speaking, those subs who are experienced are likely to pass you over. I'm not saying I'd never be with a Dom with less experience, but do appreciate the honesty and being up front about lack of experience and that they are still in the learning process. Dom's are not supposed to know it all, or come off super badass.
Other advice I could give is READ, read all you can on various subjects and books, learn about different techniques. Learn to be SAFE. One good and very informative book is The ultimate guide to kink by Tristan Taormino.
Good luck!

walkthewalk​(dom male) • Sep 14, 2021

Appreciate the constructive criticism. Not so much the folks knocking my profile when theirs could use some work. I should have explained when I mean real I mean a real person and/or not a prostitute. Can’t wait for the gang to jump on this one.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Sep 14, 2021

Sorry you got so much nonconstructive criticism but I'm also glad you could see the positive criticism. This isnt a bad bunch of people, we just like to have a little fun every so often.
You'll find it all comes down to the effort you put in (as others have said better than me)
there is no hard and fast ways to tell scammers and fins in the early stages but you'll find as get more experience you'll learn faster to spot a scam.
In short if its to good to be true, it is. if its happening to fast? its not right! If its to easy? Its not right!
The online world is full with scammers but what ALL forget, is we ALL need to help fix this situation.
If you are approached, even if you didn't fall for it, REPORT IT. Dont just think, I'm ok, no harm done..cause others wont be.
If we all reported it, it will lessen off....hell it has lessened in the last few years. Now is cake walk compared to the boards of past.
Things are getting better, even the governments in most countries have put laws in place to stop this.

So in short how do you met a "real" person? you put yourself out there, you do so in the best way you can. If you reach out, you find others do too.
it takes time and effort. Effort that is often to much for some and they want instant. If you want instant, then thats easy....the very ones you should report are your answer! there is no shame in using them and finding them on the sites, that they should "legally" populating.

building a good foundation is never easy. Finding partners in BDSM is NO different to the rest of the world, you do the same things, you go to the place they are. There is NO BDSM nirvana site that will offer you up more chances than another. You "work" the sites you can, you go to the places you can, you use all the the "tools" at your disposal (chat, pms,forums, adverts, etc) and do so putting yourself out there in your best light

You don't sit on your ass and wait to be reactive, you get PROACTIVE in the search.