Lifestyle vs “bedroom” play

Lifestyle vs “bedroom” play

curvyncurious​(sub female) • Sep 15, 2021

So, I’m a total newbie.
I am interested in BDSM as bedroom play, not as a lifestyle.
I’ve had enough with being told what I should do in my own life, that I’m done with it. Im finally standing up for myself, and accepting myself and my body. Which is why I’m here.
Am I in the wrong place?
I keep getting messages from dom males asking about being a live in sub. That doesn’t appeal to me, and I’m wondering if it’s supposed to.
I have so many other questions and thoughts, but I don’t want to waste anyone’s time or energy if I’m ultimately in the wrong place.
I’m up for kink, just not 24/7.
Thoughts?

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female){LJ} • Sep 15, 2021

You’re not in the wrong place! There are plenty of us that can’t do the 24/7 dynamic. Also if they’re talking about moving you in right away run! lol

yourbootsownme​(sub male) • Sep 15, 2021

Most kinksters find ways to make it fit within their normal lives. But even if 99.9% of submissives lived 24/7 as subs, being dominated in every single thing they did....that wouldn't mean you were "supposed to" desire the same.

Don't allow anyone to tell you, or suggest to you, what is "right" or "wrong" for you. Every Dom and every sub and every switch and every anything else is an individual, with personal preferences. What works for you may not work for someone else, and vice versa.

Not to mention, nothing is constant. What you desire today may be different than what you desire tomorrow or next week or next month.

As a side note, most people who approach a sub asking for 24/7 live-in lifestyle or anything of the kind right away is probably not someone you want to be experimenting with or learning from. The exception would be if the Dom is simply explaining what their relationship dynamic goal is. "I'm looking for someone who can eventually become a 24/7 live-in sub" - in context - is an honest way to say "if you don't think you have that as a goal too, better to know now and say good bye and good luck."

As a male submissive, I get messages all the time from Dommes (or those who claim to be) that open with "Are you ready to serve me, and obey me in all things?" And my answer is a polite "No, we don't know anything about each other, and I don't give my loyalty until I know there's a true connection and a real match."

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Sep 15, 2021

Yay you for knowing who you are and what you want/need.

This is as good a place as any, and i think probably better than some places if you want kink because there is a great core group of stable mature people here. Of course, there's crazies too, but crazy people are everywhere. Your profile is pretty clear, maybe put a little more in it like you have in your post, so those who are serious and actually read a profile will know right up front what you do and don't want.
good luck finding what you are looking for.

No Body​(dom male) • Sep 15, 2021

Be who you are and enjoy your life. Stop caring what someone you don't know thinks or likes. Find that one who your heart calls out to and let them know what your into. Enjoy who and what you are and to hell with the rest. Just say no thanks and move on.

House Talion​(dom male) • Sep 15, 2021

If you're kinky and you know it clap your hands, if you want to. You do you and if anyone tells you to do something that you don't want to then apparently that's not for you. If you're a freak like me get off your ass. If you like that little extra thing your partner does that makes you too horny when you're in the right place whether it's a lifestyle of just in the bedroom. There's ppl in this community like you than you'd think.

cherilynn​(sub female) • Sep 15, 2021

Hell no, you aren't in the wrong place and kudos to you for knowing what you want and not being shy about it.

Lots of folks like you here and to be honest, liking some kink in the bedroom is a hell of a lot easier to find and do. I wish I was like you sometimes.

Grab the bull by the horns and have some fun girl!

undtaxis • Sep 16, 2021

Be sure to put that in your profile front and center. I find that if I am getting a recurring message or I am not getting the type of sub I may be interested in it is better to just use bluntness from the jump. I looked at your profile and it seemed pretty open, so just tighten up a bit and that should help.

SynUnrestricted​(dom female) • Sep 16, 2021

*claps!*





Oh I love the reference!

curvyncurious​(sub female) • Sep 16, 2021

Thanks!
Really appreciate the feedback.
Went ahead and worked on my profile a bit, for those who recommended that I add what I expressed in this thread.