Lifestyle vs “bedroom” play

Thotsferatu​(switch female) • Sep 16, 2021

Any way or where you want to do it is perfectly valid. I’m actually a bit the opposite from you; I do like a little kink play in the bedroom, but most of my energy comes from public play at parties and events. I love showing off a bottom as I give them pretty marks and bruises, or letting people watch as I endure some onslaught of hands, fists, boots, whips, paddles, electricity, rope, whatever. That’s where I thrive.

Whatever works for you (within some basic framework of consent, of course) is the right way.

curvyncurious​(sub female) • Sep 16, 2021

Thanks thotsferatu,
I’m not sure about public play, because I’ve never done anything like that.
I’m more about having a life outside of kink.
I’d like to think public play would be awesome, but I don’t know right now.

Thotsferatu​(switch female) • Sep 16, 2021

It’s not in “public”, as if we’re around a bunch of vanilla people in a public park, just to be clear, lol. It just means that our community will throw parties once a month, and at those parties, we have lots of “scenes” and we can get together and talk shop, and it’s great fun. But that’s just how I most like to experience the lifestyle. Everyone is different!

curvyncurious​(sub female) • Sep 17, 2021

Ha, I seriously did not think of that in a park, but you made me chuckle about it.

Steellover​(sub male) • Sep 17, 2021

My first relationship with a domme ended because she wanted it to evolve into a 24/7 type total power exchange right away, and I wasn't ready for that. She scared me off, in other words.

A potential partner needs to move slowly with his/her submissive and let it evolve where it wants to go. Many submissives, I would think most of them actually, have their own independent interests, social circles, hobbies, etc that may not be compatible for a 24/7 complete master/slave full time dynamic. And in a way that is good; I would think that if you were a dom(me) you would want a partner that is submissive, but still has their own interests and their own life, otherwise it would be boring after a while.

Aibo​(switch male) • Sep 17, 2021

Most people have quite far out fantasies, I am definitely one of those.
But in an actual relationship, we end up with very regular days where we do ordinary things, and even have arguments.
It's actually the term I would use also, as I'd would like to be cohabit with the female in question.
Instead of ...lets say, having an affair with someone in a hotel room once a month.
It all depend on the definition of 24/7 or to be a live in sub.

SynUnrestricted​(dom female) • Sep 17, 2021

24/7 has another interpretation? I thought it was self-explanatory.

Aibo​(switch male) • Sep 17, 2021

Yep, it should be self-explanatory, but it is not.
I have encountered kink couples who lived everyday normal lives who claimed they had a 24/7 relationship.
Since I at the time had a sub with a permanent collar, who slept all nights in her cage. I had to restrain myself from bending over in mirth over their interpretation of the term. ...and nope, our relationship was not 24/7 either. She had the right of an opinion, to make suggestions, we had disagreements and arguments - I never have asked for a doormat. She also got time off for a week at a time. So it was not even close to 24/7 either.

Steellover​(sub male) • Sep 18, 2021

There are different levels of submission. There are relationships where the dynamic exists both in and out of the bedroom, and to varying extents:

For example: 1) The dominant could call all the shots and make all the decisions and control every aspect of the sub's life every minute of their life.

or 2) respects their independence and boundaries, allows their submissive the same measure of freedom as in a normal couple, but when it comes to being a couple...or any decision the dominant decides is in the submissive's best interest for either theirs or both of their well-being- the dominant makes the decisions and the sub accepts them.
.
And 3) there are some where the sub is just a "Bottom" in the bedroom, a kinky thrill-seeker, but both partners are equal and relatively balanced in the relationship outside of the bedroom.

And 4) the extreme cases, where the slave is exactly that- an indentured servant in the historical sense of the word, expected to cater to their dominant's whims at all times, expected to do chores, housework etc with no strings attached- and often sex- kinky or otherwise, is not even part of the equasion!

I think most submissives seek relationships closer to examples 2 and 3, and few willingly sign up for "Relationship Option 4" listed above. Some seek option 1, or an in-between stage of 1 and 2 above- and some D/s relationships may start at example 2 or 3 and evolve into 1 if both parties mutually agree. To me, the term "24/7" most closely aligns with example 4: Pure slavery, or 1) maybe not pure slavery, but strict control of all facets of a submissive's life.