Enamored Dominant or Just a Lunatic?

Quirkyrebel​(sub female) • Nov 28, 2020

I'm the type of sub who prefers to get to know my Dom first. If I meet one. I suppose some couples move in together after 3 months... I'm never the type to trust within just two weeks. That would be foolishly blind in my opinion! And I am also the type to talk back whether playful or uncomfortable. I strongly suspect that your Dom is putting up an act! Until you're completely powerless, chained up (at worst), and controlling you to the point you're a piece of meat in his basement!

Such a brave soul to cross paths with this guy and sign printouts as a disclaimer... Perhaps saying, "She was willing to give up all control and human rights to be used like the perfect mannequin! So get out of my territory cops! Haha!" Better luck being disabled for life and having a legal court sign guardianship to a Dom that is a clever doctor! What a dream~

"Let's become serious and start a family!" You decided. Sounds rather young and naive to me. Your Dom surprises me that he is not discouraged by that.

"Kind, but really wants my passports and id" you say. Sounds like the real deal cupcake! I want to see your story on the news princess! Good luck!

It's not my position to deal with guys like this. I'm bratty and totally not his type I bet! But send me the link to your survival story! Cya!

meeshymeesh​(sub female) • Dec 3, 2020

Taramafor,

this is my last reply on this matter because I feel like you want to be more critical of my decisions and prove me and others to be wrong (I glimpsed some of your previous posts). I still appreciate your responses because you do offer an alternative way of thinking about this situation that is outside of the box which I assume is your philosophy. That's cool you wanna defend broski but please understand that I did what I could in my relationship. This post was originally meant for me to figure out if I was right for feeling that things were off with this guy so that I could better express myself in the relationship. I really wish you would stand back and think of things from my point of view and understand there were reasons for why I did what I did that you may not know of because you don't know me. I'm a very nice person and have vowed to give my life if I ever saw a stranger in trouble. I'm aware of how to talk with people and avoid conflict as well. If you look through these posts you can see that I really wanted to give this guy a chance despite most people's advice and warnings that I would end up getting killed. You seem to have missed that I dodged a bullet. No hard feelings to you though, you might think I'm evil and you probably will continue thinking that even after this post.

I've told him I had flaws, I don't understand what your point is with that. His mom didn't always pester him, she did when he was living with her in the past but no longer because he lived alone. You seem to have gotten the idea that I was always on him etc., I cleaned his apartment and rearranged things upon him asking me to help him out. We planned out things so he could minimize trash and keeping his living space clean. How can you say he has no say in the matter when he lives like that on a daily? How is it unfair for him when a guest or a love interest comes in and says you're a bit too messy for me? You expect that when you bring someone in or even ask them several times about moving in. He accepted all of that when he asked the first time for me to move in without even knowing me. I refused to sit there and check his floor upon his mom's request, or to check him when I came over to see him. From day one from me visiting him he acknowledged that he knew things were a bit messy and I said well at least you know. I even stuck around after seeing how he lives which I know most women, grown women would've been like absolutely not. Words of advice for anyone and everyone. If you know you're an obscenely messy person don't invite them over to visit and definitely don't invite them to move in with you. At the end of the day, this man was begging me to move in with the idea that I was going to clean up after him 24/7. Apparently, my job was to be the house sitter for him at all times and we had already discussed that I wasn't about that life. Which leads me to my next point.

I never pushed him away until it got to sex, which is what I was talking about in my previous post. I was not about to just have sex with this guy as if everything was just fantastic when I clearly had trust issues. Upon me letting him know that instead of addressing them he would just say that they were things that could be worked out after I moved in. So it's not as hard for me to talk about things regardless of the topic. I took the approach of 'let us' work on things which led to us planning to rearrange his apartment in a way that he could best appreciate it so he could continue keeping it clean. You seem to wanna bash me for not wanting to smash on a pile of dirty laundry. If that's how you roll, cool, but for me, if you can't keep simple things like that clean, what am I to make of your personal hygiene then? Your way of doing things would get you caught up with someone who isn't exactly cut out to be with you because you'd be ignoring red flags. A person who asks you to move in with them, marry them, and have kids with them is not considering your feelings one bit if they haven't taken the time to know you as a person. PERIOD.

There were so many issues between us besides cleanliness lol that was just an example. The other issue of him having another female turned out to be what I found out since the relationship ended. So none of that affected my decisions. I stayed by that fool through it all. Even post-relationship he messaged me in hopes that I would be willing to go house shopping with him, after all, that had gone down. Like I listened to him and tried to be the best I could for him but he didn't do the same for me. He was an untrained/fake dom who expected me to be his pet with the snap of his finger. He was otherwise unhappy if I told him I didn't feel right about things because and I quote him "you don't want to have feelings you just want to serve me, don't you? A good little slut just does as she's asked and doesn't worry about feeling." That's a scary situation to be in and it took a lot for me to tell him that I wasn't down for any of that. So being that I broke his idea of what a sub is he didn't want me anymore, I was supposed to be quiet and not complain about anything. True maybe that hurt his feelings but the supportive doms here have all told me that they 100% listen to their subs and work things out with them so both of their needs are met.

When it came to methodology, I asked him from the start what he expected of me as well as other things. I mentioned way back that he made me journal my feelings every day and he would respond to them. He would also offer suggestions for me that he wanted me to do. When I put my concerns down in the book, he would only say he understood and that those were issues that could be better resolved if I just moved in. So yes after that I requested to move away from the dom/sub aspect of our relationship so we could see one another just as people. We had argued several times and which is the example I refer to when I said let's make a list then. This was after asking what do we do? I want things to work out but do you? Towards the end of our relationship hell yeah I was pushy because he was pushy about me moving in. You get what you give. But we had a google doc open and when I had asked that question I didn't expect an answer or suggestion right then and there. But the suggestions he gave me were things like "I wish you wouldn't work because it makes me feel like less of a man," "Since you don't want to have sex, I'm serious-you should at least wear the anal plugs I got you so that I know you're willing to be obedient", " you should wear your maid's outfit or nothing at all when you're here with me". So when it came time to talk about things on our list he was upset that I was still untrusting of him sexually and just not ready for things to go that far. He felt that I was undermining his desires when I wasn't, I told him I wanted to get there but being sexual for him was about me giving him kids. When I asked him what could I do as a person he told me to be less of a brat. So yeah, I guess that was a specific situation.

After leaving someone like that, especially after leaving them on 'read' for weeks at a time when they were concerned for my well-being, I would not come back at all. If I did I would just apologize and say yeah I was a jerk for that but I really hope you have a great life or something. I think he got mad things weren't going his way sexually and that I wasn't a dumbass for laying there and bearing his child. In a relationship, when you give each other advice or suggestions, and you tell each other you're going to work on them, no one expects to see any change in a day. So why not wait until you can see those changes take place (if you really love one another) and then move to the next level. To me, these sorts of things make relationships stronger (I explained this to him like this as well). It's a wonderful feeling of intimacy knowing that you both are interested in one another enough to try and change the way you do things. You might even grow stronger together and find a new way to do things. These sweet people here taught me that it takes hard work and lots of care for one another to be able to have a good relationship, especially with any BDSM aspect in it since you rely on and trust one another to be vocal and to respond to further the bond. He yee'd his last haw with me when he abandoned me.

Lastly, the last nitpick was about me saying I didn't get a chance to confront him. Allow me to reword it. I failed to track him down and beat his ass. One thing I stood strongly by throughout the whole relationship was to not ever cheat and regardless of how mad we got with one another to never ghost. He agreed that those were some things he also stood by strongly. His other chick conceived while we were at a good point in our relationship and he had just met my family. I recall him getting a UTI sometime around then as well but hey could be another theory I guess. So knowing all of that, knowing that he's moved her in and everything, why would I attempt to stir up drama especially when a life is to be born within their household? I've moved on as well and am much happier in my current relationship. So yes I am avoiding it for the fact that I would be extremely angry when I was more than patient, more than kind and gentle about things and that's what I got in return. So being that I have direct evidence (recently), things are as they seem. How can I be trusted to find the answers you ask? It takes more than one person within a relationship to find the answers in my opinion. A person who relies purely on themself for answers is an idiot (Judge Judy voice here). In addition to my analyzing and guessing, I would rather ask a person who is capable of giving me an honest response than to ask someone for an answer that I may or may not receive. I'm sure he found all the answers he needed from me because I was very vocal in how I felt. That's communication. If you can't do it, make a list. Can't make a list, draw or just say one word. Do something, don't run. I would probably still be friends with the guy now had he just talked with me. Life goes on though.

Hope you and everyone else stay safe,
MeeshyMeesh

Low{BLK OWND} • Dec 3, 2020

If this were happening to me in such a short period of time mere days after all I would definitely be putting on the brakes
Especially before making life altering changes like contracts moving in breeding these are big deals
If he wants you this bad now after a few days he should want you even more after some time has given you both the chance to get to know one another more
If he can't deal with cooling his jets I believe that is a huge red flag
Best of luck to you
Remember
Choose Wisely
PS you can always fantasize about the things he has mentioned as a way to kind of try them on before completely committing

Quirkyrebel​(sub female) • Dec 9, 2020

@Meeshy

I'm sorry that you went through that. That was very messed up! Do not blame yourself for getting defensive towards anyone or defending yourself.
I think since you've gone through that you look back and ask why you put yourself through that situation. It's quite possible you had that attraction that is present in situations of hostility. Though I thought you said you had family, chatted, and slowly met up with him because of your cautious and slightly aware instincts... you're rationality towards safe and healthy relationships was not fully developed yet. Hence, the phase some of us subs go through (putting that nicely) where we meet the more tricky and unkind doms despite the kind surface we first find from them. I can't explain this phase, however it is important to understand the warning signs and gut instinct before you end up as the pitiful and unfortunate. Who voiced their sad experience.

There are many warnings out their and outside views and opinions. Feel free to let others know of anything fishy and don't doubt that in the future! The more inexperienced and new subs just starting out their journey are at highest risk! So please don't give those asking if their instinct or second guess is proper or considerable the cold shoulder! As starters, we have tendencies to not believe things are as bad as they are in truth of the person pursued. (Whether you or them) We require love from those who reach out to us in order to realize that disrespect and mistreatment are not the answer!

Thank you, and remember to keep a good watch so you may meet those worthy of healthy relationships and dignity! This was an inconvenience, not something you hold any responsibility over. Unless you were the one relentlessly controlling your partner without kindness or respect. Later!

Miki​(masochist female) • Dec 9, 2020

Jesus Christ can we keep it short? If any part of the equation is making demands, rethink the relationship! No need for a wall of text!

You are not experienced enough

SirPain​(dom male) • Oct 10, 2021

This "dom" is taking advantage of your lack of experience. Be VERY careful about how he treats you. He sounds like the type that gives this lifestyle a bad name.

I, personally, have had several subs/slaves who have lived with me and I have always inquired about their previous relationships. I want to make sure they have enough experience to know what they are getting themselves into. YOU, my dear, obviously DON'T.

Find a group near you and ask them if they know anything about this dom. Be sure to do this before you move in with him.