It's so hard to find The One

It's so hard to find The One

Lady Pheonix​(dom female) • Nov 9, 2017

Hi, i am new to the site but not the scene, having been around on numerous sites for years.

I keep looking for The One, but find a plethora of fakes and wannabe's seem intent on killing the lifestyle for lesbians.

I did find my One, but sadly She died last year. I have to admit, i was broken totally.

Now, i am back to fighting a need so deep it overwhelms me at times, trying to keep focussed and trying not to be dispirited by my experiences.

Does anyone else have similar experiences? How do Y/you remain true to Y/your needs ?

and why, oh why, when Y/you list as a lesbian, do Y/you always get swamped with guys who never bother to read Y/your profile ? on any site ?

joanna 'jojo'

Redneck Kitty​(sub female){(mdlg)} • Oct 14, 2021

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I've been looking for my "one" for quite some time but it is hard cuz I'm asexual, have a Daddy and a gf so I need basically a platonic one and that turns a lot of people off. Idk why though, platonic doesn't mean we can't have fun and be emotionally close and stuff. I just am looking to give anyone "girlfriend" status. But yeah it's definitely hard 🥺😭

House Talion​(dom male) • Oct 14, 2021

Posted 3 years ago, profile does not exist. Hopefully she didnt go to fetlife

Miki​(masochist female) • Oct 15, 2021

Hm, well, a 3 year old post, a probably long-gone OP:

-- But still a worthy topic for others..

Hard to find "The One", or obstacles for lesbians which others may not come up against, or not often... People who do "come-ons" or other introductions that they wouldn't if they read and understand what's in a profile...

There's all kinds of stuff that can be learned here if others see the thread and it strikes a chord in them that they are willing to share.

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As for myself, I never had nor wanted the nearly mythical "One" because I am incapable of that level of emotional expression and don't want "One".

But I know people who have experienced more than their "fair share" of social shit-shows, so I'm writing from that perspective.

But I refer to "The One" as a concept of almost mythical proportions because great matches can be hard to find, but the search for that wondrous individual gets even more difficult when one tries too hard.

It could be as simple as looking so hard one doesn't see the forest for the trees and "the right one" is right in front of them, but may not look like someone would-- look twice at.

( Yes, It's human nature, physical attraction (appearance overall, not just sexual in nature) is what gets the ball rolling. It causes someone to want to know more about the other.)

And of course the tried-and-truly-failed tension that comes with being so tightly wrapped on a date that they can't "be themselves".

The list can go on and on but as one who doesn't like walls-of-text, I'm loath to put up one of my own.

No Body​(dom male) • Oct 15, 2021

Stop looking. Ever notice when you lose something you only find it when you stop looking for it? You are trying to see what is right in front of you. Just back off relax and take it easy she will come to you when she is ready.

Cressida Clytie​(masochist female){Taken} • Oct 15, 2021

OP where are you??? Don't go to Fetlife! You will be eaten alive!

kidding..

I agree with @No Body..

I follow this mantra every day.

"I don't chase, I attract. Whatever belongs to me, will simply find me"

cynthiajoy • Dec 3, 2021

Sorry for your loss Ma'am.
we are out here searching too

LongerJohnny​(dom male){B&C} • Dec 4, 2021

As was mentioned, this in an old post but worthy of revisiting.

Yes, I have definitely experienced it.
How did I remain true to my needs?
For better or worse my needs remained true to me.
(though now that I think about it, it was worse.)
And perhaps the worst part of all is when you find your One but she is already someone else's.
Those are the times when I wonder if I'd rather not find her at all.

A Cloud​(sub female){Owned} • Dec 5, 2021

'The One' concept baffles me. Is there only one person that complements all of me? I hope not because I am greedy and don't want to limit myself to any 'one' goal, person, resolution, activity/link or dynamic.

In my opinion, 'The One' concept can induce idealisms that limit opportunity or limit someone's ability to be open and flexible within a growing dynamic. Growth mindset in relationships is important. It's the difference between hope, lightly held, and expectation of particular outcomes or concepts - very Western narrative that has potential to disappoint if expectations are solidified.

Dominus eius​(dom male){LittleLott} • Dec 5, 2021

As House Talion points out, the OP is clearly no longer on this site (unless under a new profile and email).

However, since this has now become a live topic, I thought I’d add my tuppence. Less in response to the OP directly, more around the conversation that is more recent.

Following on a little from “Betty Tails” about this perceived need to find “the one”.

There seems to be a belief (expectation) that this “one” will just magically appear (Mr Benn’s Shopkeeper style perhaps) and if this hasn’t happened yet - why not.

I don’t even see this as a cage or BDSM thing - it’s just life in general.

Finding someone who fits in with your specific character is never going to be a quick and easy thing - and the bit that seems to be forgotten is that you too need to fit them. So even for “the one” it won’t just be a magical slotting together. It is going to take work and effort - not just in the beginning, but always.

My sub and I have been partners for 15 years, married for 11 and Dom/sub (collared in a 24/7 dynamic) for just over a year.

None of this was instant, it’s taken lots of twists and turns and hard work too.

Be patient and enjoy the journey.