Would you give this all up?

Miki • Oct 22, 2021

Chances are all the above "No" respondents wouldn't get involved with someone "vanilla" to begin with.

But if one discovers their partner who they have come to love deeply has lost interest in BDSM -- that can be a real pain in the ass to sort out... Weighing staying in BDSM activity and giving up someone they're deeply into-- or the reverse.

It's a tough question with no right or wrong answer and no one-size-fits-all solution.

It's up to each individual if they should encounter that sharplt divided fork in the road.

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That's all I have to say and it likely isn't very useful. For me, I just take stock in that I am fortunate that I won't have to deal with that "Hobson's Choice-like scenario as I am incapable of taking part in a "deep and meaningful" relationship so i won't end up faced with that decision.

But of course I have situations others won't have to contend with so I suppose it all comes out even in the wash.

Heart-out to those faced with this choice.

Gomezadams​(masochist male) • Oct 22, 2021

Bunnie said " I wouldn't give up being who I truly am. "

I believe this to be very true. You can give up the scenes, you can not be a part of a community, you can give up the "lifestyle " entirely, but you can not deny who you are at your very core. I have tried, but it's not possible.
At a very early age I used to put my dogs collar and chain around my neck and pretend that my babysitter was holding the other end of the chain. This had nothing to do with sex, I just wanted to belong to her. I wanted her to chain me up and own me. As I got older I realized that wasn't possible, but almost 60 years later that is still who I am at my core, is someone who wants to be chained up and owned.

As a male growing up in the '60's I was raised to understand that my role was to have a career, work hard, take care of my family and live a happy life. Men were not submissive, they treated their wives with love and respect, the relationship was 50/50 but in the end the male made the decision. Is that who I was? Is that what I wanted? No, but I suppressed those feelings and overwhelming desires of wanting to be owned and I lived my life. There's a cage deep within me that I have kept my desire to be an owned piece of property locked up my entire life, I have opened the cage on several occasions, for months or years at a time, but that desire must ultimately stay locked up, never to be permanently released.

I have had a very wonderful life! I have 2 great kids, many friends and life has been good. Do I still think about having a heavy metal collar welded around my neck and living as a ladies property, every single day because that is who I am. So, my answer to the question is no, I can't give up who I am but I can live in an alternate world where that part of me is hidden for the outside world and be very content and happy.

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female) • Oct 22, 2021

If I was in love with him before I knew what the lifestyle was really about, I would (and did) stay. Now that I know what I need from a man which includes D/s, I won’t settle for vanilla again. I might date here and there if I’m lonely but I won’t tie myself down (haha) to a vanilla man again.

Richlydefined​(sub female){Gardener} • Oct 22, 2021

I couldn't, It would be like lying to myself. If I truly connected to the person I would be able to tell them everything and this is a big part of my everything. There are things that I enjoy that only those people who are truly a part of this lifestyle can and will understand without a negative backlash. I'll wait for someone who can provide that for me and that I can provide for them in turn.
I noticed that when in the past I've gotten involved with people who have little to no lifestyle experience I know right away, despite everything good about our relationship that it is indeed temporary. I feel that without this part of me I would grow bored and bitter with my partner and any potential partner doesn't deserve that simply for being who they are because I lied to myself about who I am in order to be with them. I know, very well, how much you can love someone you connect deeply with but I think that I've also always known that it wasn't enough.
Having them be a part of this is something more, an even deeper connection that fills the whole of my needs and desires rather than just the majority of them.

Steellover​(sub male) • Oct 22, 2021

I really like Gomezadams' answer above. This sums up how I feel. There is no real kink community to speak of where I live. I can repress these feelings of submission, cage them, lock them away, but never have a chance to act on them.
Which shouldn't have to mean that I can't still have a very meaningful and fulfilling life in a traditional vanilla romantic relationship.

Re: Would you give this all up?

Banemus​(dom male) • Oct 22, 2021

I'm not even here for any of these elements.

None of those, has anything to do with the lifestyle.

K needs D{RTeacher } • Oct 23, 2021

Good question... for me the answer is NO

It took me too long to find out what I am and what I need.

The person involved and me would not be or stay happy. It would be a lie from the beginning that would end in shattered dreams and heartbreak. Why the unnecessary drama...

Grey Eyes​(sub female){Owned} • Oct 23, 2021

I would not give up the lifestyle. This is a hard won need and desire in my life and is here to stay.

Defender​(dom male) • Oct 23, 2021

I don't find the question difficult at all.

I have been in two long-term vanilla relationships.

Wild horses could not drag me into another one.

Sasa​(dom female) • Oct 23, 2021

No, there are things I need and it isn't working outside of the lifestyle. I had a long term Vanilla relationship, and loved the man to the moon, but it is simply not me. I can't clip my wings. Unfortunately love is not enough. I learned it the hard way.