Long Distance D/s

Long Distance D/s

Avanova​(sub female){owned} • Oct 23, 2021

Hi,
I'm looking for information and suggestions for starting a long distance D/s relationship for a Dom and sub who have never done long distance D/s. Thanks!

Cressida Clytie​(masochist female){Taken} • Oct 23, 2021

LDR can be very fun, loving, and pleasurable for both of you if you choose to do so. But it's not for everyone. It does have its ups and downs but it's really up to you if you really want to make it work.

1. Try to utilize messaging apps with video and voice call functions. Skype, Snaps, Zoom, FB Messenger, Viber, etc. Avoid KIK.
2. You may use a journaling app such as Obedience so both of you can list and track tasks.
3. Be generous with the photos if allowed by your Dom.
4. You may want to invest in long-distance sex toys. Top brands are Lovense, satisfyer, we vibe. These brands have remote control app that your partner can access.
5. Use airpods or earbuds so you don't have to worry about the cables when you are playing.
6. Good lighting is a must so you can check some ringlight.
7. Tripod.
8. Patience.... Perseverance... Trust.... and Positivity that it will work...
9. Set some ground rules so you can manage expectations.
10. Be creative.
11. Know each other's schedules.


Enjoy!

dollMaker​(dom male) • Oct 23, 2021

If touch, physical intimacy is vital to you, important, then simply don't start one.

D/s, kink, etc can be done without those things, but for many they can't, and feeling for the other person are often not enough without those missing elements, something lovely can turn toxic, the lack eating away until it becomes a pain that simply won't go away.

I have done LDR without meeting, and it was wonderful, but it has its challenges and it requires creative thinking and knowledge. BDSM in person is dangerous, most activities are risky, and unless the person guiding the activity over a video link knows what those are its more risky than it needs to be. Knowledge and skill mitigates risk, but does not eliminate it so please do not engage in activity until both of you know how to do it safely, and both of you should know all you can about the risks, and the how to do it.

Go slowly and be as careful as you can.

Cressida Clytie​ gives some great advice above I would also suggest telegram as another option.

littleMagpie​(sub female) • Oct 23, 2021

I’m at the other end and coming out of one I’ve been in for 18months.

It is difficult. But it is wonderful. You have to be much more open and honest than you usually would because the distance/online means they cannot pick up on your physical cues if you’re just on a phonecall.
So make sure you are comfortable enough to say when something it weird or uncomfortable - or even just when a toy malfunctions etc.

Lovense toys are wonderful, satisfyer toys are mind blowing but the app is lacking.

We had a hand written planner, for daily stuff, and knew when we would definitely have call times - his work schedule was on my planner every Sunday. Knowing his schedule meant knowing when he’d be more available and also knowing when he’s likely to be too tired/stressed to have any big conversations.

Telegram is ace for sending photos/videos etc - but so are the usual places like Snapchat, it depends where you are comfortable. But remember it’s the internet so really, if you send it then it’s out there.

Find some kind of aftercare that works for you both. It’s trickier when it’s long distance, we had it sorted so we’d play and when I was all floaty happy then he’d take the phone to the shower, so I got the connection from that intimacy but didn’t need to chat too much and could just be there.

But also…learn when you’re done. Things long distance are hard. And it’s difficult to stay engaged when you’re given tasks etc but they’re not around to partake in it. It can work (and well) but know that when a particular one starts being bleh then you need to say because it’ll unravel easily otherwise.

Good luck!

SammyJ​(sub female){collared} • Oct 23, 2021

I recommend setting very clear expectations in the beginning. Communication is so important because that's all you have. You don't have the luxury of knowing that you will see him at the end of the day. It's so important that he understands how often you want to communicate. It can feel very lonely if you have to go several hours without hearing from him so I suggest really making sure you are both on the same page.

LongerJohnny​(dom male){B&C} • Oct 25, 2021

As has been mentioned already, you need to be honest about what you want and expect from each other, and be sure of what you are committing to.

From my own experience, and what I've heard from many others in LDRs, the trickiest part is right there in the name: long distance.

All relationships require a lot of trust but one could argue that an LDR may require a little more because of the distance. That may never be a problem for you. But there are many more temptations to be found between you and your SO when you are several time zones apart, as opposed to when you are just on opposite sides of the same town.

Communication and realistic expectations ( among many, many other things.)