Red flags? Green flags?

Red flags? Green flags?

A Cloud​(sub female){Owned} • Oct 20, 2021

I am interested in gathering some data. I do not want a circular political debate on the semantics of 'real' or 'fake' subs/doms; but rather, it would be nice to see how people vet based on individual preferences and experiences. (Forgive me if this topic has been flogged to death.)

So, what are 3 red flags and 3 green flags for you when you are meeting people (friendship or dynamic) online?

Red flags for me:
1. Limited or generic info on profile/blog/forum
2. The 'I'm so experienced and into all kinks' attitude (then you start to question and in response get very vague answers)
3. Instant flattery (especially when it is clear they have not read your profile or blog)

Green flags for me:
1. Good communication skills with accurate grammar and spelling
2. Wit and banter - double points for cultural knowledge
3. Intrigue - profiles, messages and comments that are unique, show personality and make me curious

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female){LJ} • Oct 20, 2021

Red flags:
1. Discussions about me relocating and/or moving in.
2. Telling me he knows me better than I know myself (such as what kind of submissive I am)
3. Empty profile and obvious copy/paste message.

Green flags:
1. Well thought out and interesting profile. Lots of bonus points for a pic but I understand why most don’t post one.
2. Takes an interest in me as a person not just as a submissive.
3. Confidence and assertiveness - that Dom energy we love so much.

Cressida Clytie​(masochist female){Taken} • Oct 20, 2021

Red Flags:
1. Only communicates during working hours. Obviously, there's no privacy at home. You already know what I mean by that.
2. Passive Manipulative. This is a matter of conduct.
3. Not being clear with their agenda or what they really want.


Green Flags:
1. Willingness to compromise.
2. They can make you feel safe, heard, and appreciated.
3. Their words, behavior and actions align.

rapidlyhip • Oct 20, 2021

So I’ve been red-flagged previously and can tell you that my grammar was called out as well as my, shall we say, disconnectedness from the community here (I don’t post in forums much and don’t write blogs). I’m working to amend both and gain trust so I’m happy to talk with you more about this mini journey.

Having said this a major red flag for me, searching primarily for a Domme or switch, is how long they’ve been on the site. I find that someone coming on within the last week or so isn’t quite prepared for what happens when get messages and end up ghosting quickly.

Green flag is warm communication, not just being an authority but actually showing care.

Steellover​(sub male) • Oct 21, 2021

Red flags for me are any mention of money or financial domination.

The bad grammar thing is a red flag for me as well and here is why: Many scammers operate overseas and English is not their first language. Posts and messages with questionable grammar and word choices likely indicate use of Google Translate, thus, a non-native English speaker- which would be okay as long as they were honest about not being a native English speaker.

But, When a person who claims to be local to me writes, or has on their profile, something like (for example) "You will to Love to be my submit. I like to whips, trampling, (etc)...you will never argue with a ME." Then, that's a clue that they probably are NOT local to me, among many other things they claim to be but are not.

Green flags: Shared values, relationship goals, common interests, compassion and warmth.

A Cloud​(sub female){Owned} • Oct 21, 2021

I should mention that written expression is important to me personally. I am a slow processor; it's how I learn about the world, and in an online world, it's an indication of their way to be in the world and connect with others. The mind is everything to me, so the use of language is a window to that.
Also, my proofreading, perfectionist, teacher self cannot cope 🙄.

I appreciate the subjective, respectful and honest sharing 🙂.

DaddyPP​(dom male) • Oct 29, 2021

Red flags
A lot of pictures...of an internet porn actress/actor. Yes I have run across this more than once.
Stated intolerance in a profile. I think tolerance is one of those things with little to no Grey area, either you accept people who are different or you don't.
Pigeonhole...people who say this or that is what makes you Dom, sub, switch, whatever. To me this shows little real world experience, a lack of understanding that each individual is different. We all understand there are similarities within each role, but these are all still subject to many nuances.
Age. Obviously this is purely personal. I want someone with at least some life experience. Someone who has some idea of who they are and where they want to go. I am not dissing anyone younger, it just isn't my cup of tea.
Willful ignorance. The inability to accept truth, merely because one has not believed something in the past, or arguing a point even when you know you are wrong. This does not include a friendly debate, that is completely different.

Green flags.
Open and honest communication.
Part of that for me is just real talk. I am not a fan of using 100 words when 5 will suffice.
Values is a big one. If you don't have a foundation on shared values it isn't going to work long term.
Maybe excessive hard limits. I think we all have an idea of our limits, but experience has taught me these are subject to partners and timing. I might want to do something next month I never thought I would. I don't disrespect anyone's limits, I prefer the "limits to be discussed" type.

I am actually having a difficult time with green flags outside of that. I truly like to give everyone a chance, and am pretty tolerant of most ideas. Even language isn't a big red flag for me as I have talked to people around the world (though granted there are some overly obvious language issues as mentioned by others here)

Re: Red flags? Green flags?

A Cloud​(sub female){Owned} • Oct 30, 2021

Green flags for me:
1. Good communication skills with accurate grammar and spelling
2. Wit and banter - double points for cultural knowledge
3. Intrigue - profiles, messages and comments that are unique, show personality and make me curious[/quote]

I would change these now and I see flaws in my question and response. I see now that I am talking about valued qualities in myself, which can be mirrored so easily. This is a parlour trick that is easily applied to create an appearance of 'knowing'. Green flags then would consist of respected distance and difference. Stepping back and seeing the whole picture, particularly aspects that depart from my experience and opinion, and genuine interest that does lead to an opportunity for them to impart their self-appointed wisdom, which merely parrots my own knowledge.

Another... No niggling feelings of instability or questioning of myself. All pieces of the narrative fall neatly into place, there is substance to the narrative and it is not 'too good to be true'. The response to feelings of discomfort is mere understanding and validation of feelings without negation or justification. Big red flag if they tell you how you should feel.

Wow, so different from my initial post! Look at me learning stuff 😁

LongerJohnny​(dom male){B&C} • Oct 31, 2021

Red:
1. If the first thing I learn about you is your Onlyfans page or your Amazon wishlist. We don't do that here but it happens all the time on other sites (fet knows what I'm talking about.)
2a. Inconsistent/Conflicting info. As an example, I just got a message from someone who's profile indicates that they are "male" but is followed by this explanation: "I know it says male but I am really female" and Zero. Other. Information!! The fuck?
2b. Ok, not a red flag per se, but it goes along with the inconsistency thing. Soooo many profiles read "I'm taken and not looking for anyone" then follow up with "I'm single and looking for someone." Also the fuck? It takes 10 seconds to fix that but only 1 second for me to wonder "where is the fucking effort?"
3. Open day kik-off. I know subs get these all the time but it's amazing to me how often I, as a Dom, get messages without a hello or a witty comment or even a fuck off. Just a kik address and nothing else. I got one yesterday and another one today. Nope.

Green:
1. If your profile makes me laugh I will usually contact you and tell you so. I love that.
2. If your profile challenges me to think I'll usually contact you and tell you so. I love that too.
3. Intelligent, well-written profiles with correct grammar. We all make mistakes but this shows effort and that is important. Plus, I went to college for English so that really gets my attention.

I'm going to add to this list 3 things that are not necessarily flags of any color, but irritate the shit outta me:
1. "I don't have any limits." Yes, you do. We all do. I'm not impressed.
2. Profiles from 2-3 years ago which haven't been filled out, or haven't been updated in 2-3 years, which are accompanied by a personal ad all about "Where is my Sir/Mommy/Sadist/Domme/whatever? Why can't I find them?"
3. Insisting that me wanting to see your picture makes me a bad guy. Yes, I want to see you naked. Yes, I'm admittedly, unashamedly shallow. But I'm also a decent guy. So get out of my ass for wanting to see your tits. (Ladies - to be fair, ask me for a dick pic and I'll happily send one!) I'm not saying it's a deal breaker; I'm not saying that it is the only reason I'm spending time with you. I'm saying that though it may speak to one aspect of my character it's not a red flag.

alawey​(sub female){(OWNED BY } • Nov 1, 2021

While I am with my Wolf and have been for over 4 yrs now these would be mine if I was looking (WHICH IM NOT)

Red :1 not taking time to read anything from profile or forum s,blogs I have wrote .( as in to know anything about me)
2. Instantly expecting me to submit with in the first three messages
3. Age ( only because I dont want to be with some one who has no idea of things I speak of. Example: playing on playground at drive in and seeing Star Wars there. ...yes I'm that old)
4. Lack of communication skills.
5. Empty profile and here for x amount of time never nothing to fill it out and to write or respond to a blog or forum.

Green

1 Respect ing me as a person not just a sub, from the jump.
2. Taking time and showing a honest want to get to know me outside the kink.
3. Saying what you mean and meaning what you say.
4( just because ) someone who not afraid to get their hands dirty. ( meaning : I was took as a child never trust a guy with hands softer then yours)
5. A supporter of knowledge and safety for others.

Sorry I know you asked for 3 . And I didnt follow directions well. But look at it this way at least I stopped at 5. I could have gone on.